Anyone else unable to have sex with lights on?!
Question: i cant have sex/ engage in foreplay etc with the lights on (i need the room to be slightly dim) cos it makes me feel really exposed, self-conscious & i feel all my flaws will show more
anyone else have that problem?
Answers: i cant have sex/ engage in foreplay etc with the lights on (i need the room to be slightly dim) cos it makes me feel really exposed, self-conscious & i feel all my flaws will show more
anyone else have that problem?
This is a common question and concern. It is exactly what you say - self-consciousness - a fear that your mate will not like what he/she sees, a feeling of exposure, etc.
First, realize that you ARE exposed. Accept the rational thought, but disregard the distorted thoughts.
Are you exposed to the light more? Yes
If you have a flaw, will it be more visible in the light? Yes
Now. Does that matter? Ask yourself WHY you are concerned about this.
Are you concerned that your mate will not be pleased? Are you concerned that he/she might say something? Are you afraid of rejection?
Now, if the answers are yes to any of these, be rational. Has your mate already seen you in the light at some point? Have they rejected you before? If not, why would they reject you now?
The reason it is important to confront this now is NOT so you can play around in the light for the rest of your life. Instead, it is so you can get over the fear of rejection if that is your fear. Exposure is one method of conquering fears. Make love in the light every day for the next two weeks for instance. When nothing bad happens, your mind will begin to accept the idea that nothing bad IS going to happen! You will begin to reject the distorted thinking that is causing you to fear the exposure to the light.
If your lover is one worth keeping in your life, he/she will accept you and love you with or without the light. You will both expose your fears of the light and expose whether your lover is one worth keeping at the same time.
In the end, you will grow from the experience and be stronger from it as well. There is truth to the old expression "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Try it out, then when your statement changes to "I prefer to make love with the lights out." You will be a healthier person. Then, turn the lights out because you prefer to - not because you "can't" or are afraid.
Good luck!
i definitely do, but none of my partners have a problem with it
I used to have this problem, but not any more. I was lucky enough to find a really fantastic boyfriend who really cares for me and genuinely likes my flaws. For the first time in years I actually feel sexy and desirable in my own skin and that's due, in large part, to him and the way he makes me feel.
The point is, find the right person and that self-conscious feeling will start to fade.
I like a dimly lit room myself and feel I have flaws that show up. I remember the first time the young lady had really hairy arm pits and I would have really not wanted to know.
I have the most sensitive self-esteem you could possible find, but I'm quite open and happy to have sex in broad daylight. I figure if the person finds me attractive enough to have sex with, they must'nt mind what I look like too much, so why should I be worried!
i'm sure your boyfriend loves you the way you are, thats why he is with you. silly! lol just take it easy, relax and enjoy.
I agree. who wants the lights on, and ruin the romantic spell a dark room with maybe candles can give? It isn't a problem, it just makes it more sexy, to be in the dark..I don't like the blatant display it kinda takes from the mystique
I like to do it with the lights off better. It feels more cozy and I still do feel some self conscious even though I know I am hot.