How do you break an addiction to beauty?!


Question: My entire adult life I have been considered "beautiful". Sometimes this has helped me, and sometimes this has hurt me. People can be kind and do favors for this reason, and people can be cruel and withold, even try to abuse for this reason as well. What I am concerned about is I have noticed that I attach a lot of importance to how I look, and to how I treat others. I have refused friendships with nice people because I don't find them physically attactive. I also care so much about my own appearance that I spend a small fortune on beauty aids and services and I am currently starving to lose weight, and doing this actually makes me feel good about myself. My family is beauty addicted too. Looks mean EVERYTHING. I just want to improve my life by being able to accept myself and other people when in less than perfect condition. Thanks.


Answers: My entire adult life I have been considered "beautiful". Sometimes this has helped me, and sometimes this has hurt me. People can be kind and do favors for this reason, and people can be cruel and withold, even try to abuse for this reason as well. What I am concerned about is I have noticed that I attach a lot of importance to how I look, and to how I treat others. I have refused friendships with nice people because I don't find them physically attactive. I also care so much about my own appearance that I spend a small fortune on beauty aids and services and I am currently starving to lose weight, and doing this actually makes me feel good about myself. My family is beauty addicted too. Looks mean EVERYTHING. I just want to improve my life by being able to accept myself and other people when in less than perfect condition. Thanks.

There's nothing you can do about being beautiful.Beauty is in the eye of the be holder.Try to look inside someones heart,and not there outside.It might be hard to do at first,but you will find one day that that person is beautiful.

Currently, your behaviour is related to your upbringing, that having good looks will make the world go round for you. It is also the centre of your self esteem.

However, I fee that there is an inbuilt obsession in you, not about wanting to be beautiful all the time, but rather you fear that beauty will be taken away from you, hence, the weight loss program that you are working on your own now.

I feel that your obsession is moderate. And it is the time now for you to seek help from your psychiatrist. If not, it is going to affect your life, more than what you have described now. Maintaining beauty and cleanliness is part of daily life maintenance regime. But yours is not so much on being beautiful... yours is more of a fear which you read loudly to yourself subconsciously. Going for therapy or see a psychiatrist, will not take away the inherent beauty you have, nor will the professionals make you otherwise.

Not wanting to befriend good people who are nice, becoz they are not attractive, is not the main reason. You are afraid that their unattractiveness will "spread" to you like an infectious disease.

Reaffirm to yourself that biologically, your physical features will never change by looking at unattractive people. Your looks will never change by thoughts that come through. There is no infection of changes by "looking" at others. You have done your daily maintenance beauty regime, and it is enough. Too much of it may backfire as biologically, your skin has a tolerance level.

Hello,
I was a "photo" baby and my mother like you feels beauty is everything. You can just imagine how she felt when I was winning photo contests as a baby....
From somewhere when I was little I rebelled, life with my mother has not been good since.
Insecure parents I believe have insecure kids. You see this shallowness and want to change, this is cool in my eyes!!

Are you still living with these people? Are you strong enough to change no matter what people say or do to you? This is the first step.
Some people think all they got going for them is there looks, sad in my eyes, we are more then what we look like.
Confidence; you need this and this is hard to get. Start walking around the house without make up, then to the store (omg public!!).
Take baby steps.....you may loose all your friends! Remember they think like you do, and that is beauty is everything. Pretty people are worthy and ugly people are not.

Good luck and people can change if they really want to.

Your sense of beauty is reinforced by the people you hang out with. Broaden your horizons, and you'll discover that there are many other kinds of beauty. In some circles your over-skinny, over-made up appearance might not get a lot of notice. In some cultures, you might not be considered beautiful. Chances are you are good looking, but beauty is subjective. The fact that you only focus on physical beauty makes me wonder if you have low self-esteem and cling to beauty because it's all you think you got. The fact that you're trying to break out of this cycle, though, is encouraging. A therapist could help you, and would probably try to decide if you are narcissistic (fragile self-esteem) or obsessive/compulsive (addicted to fussing over yourself) or perhaps you need help with anorexia or bulimia (in which case you should rush to a therapist). Just remember, there are all kinds of beauty, and what your family considers beautiful, others might consider very differently. Also, your own style of beauty may actually be a turn off to other people and a way of you discouraging other people from getting to know you for something that's more than skin deep. In that way, you might unconsciously use "beauty" as a way of hiding.

There is nothing wrong with trying to be beautiful. What is wrong is how shallow you are about other people. How would you like it if you were born with a facial deformity and everyone rejected you because of it? You need to be kinder in thought. Any time your family makes a shallow comment, you need to speak up.

well..its all up to you if you are willing to except that some people wont be good looking as you and you can except them for that.

I am sorry at times in this response, I may sound a little harsh,
but, I can't believe that you just said some of the "stuff" you just said. . .
I'm glad you have chosen to seek advise/help. . .
for starters, beauty begins within. . .
I suggest that you begin to work on you, as a person, rather than, a physical/visual pleasure. . .
you probably denied yourself a "real" true friend, and you did it based on appearance, well you lost out. . .
not anywhere in your statement did i hear you mention that "you" are happy as a person.
you talk about, help you, hurt you, people are nice for this reason, cruelty, resistance,abuse,
"you" are "over concerned with your looks, physical appearance, beauty purchases, and most importantly, feeling good about yourself, when you are doing yourself harm, by starving yourself".

please get some help. . .
learn to love you on the inside,
be more caring towards others,
go that extra mile everyday,
do something special for someone that you considered a "non-equal".
start a savings jar,
when you want to shop,
put some money in the jar,
and don't shop on impulse,
when you do something nice for "that insignifigant other"
put some money in your jar.
all this does is help "you" to feel better about yourself, boosts your self esteem. . . .
plan to do something special with the money you save. . .
maybe you could make a donation to a homeless organization or something like that. . . . .
just learn to be nice to others, and especially yourself. . . .

you will be the one to benefit from a positive personality. . . .

get some help and be a better you. .

get some counselling,
you need to, before it get's too late, not eating is terrible for your physical and mental health. . . .

do something "NOW"

i believe that somewhere inside you, there is a. . . .
wonderful,
compationate,
fun loving,
wonderful human being,
waiting to fall in love with themself. . .
once you love youself,
it becomes easier to love others. . . . .

"GET THE HELP YOU NEED NOW"

GOOD LUCK. . . . . .





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