How can you help ypurself come to terms with being an accidental birth?!
Question: Hi. I'm being treated by a psychiatrist for ADHD and mild depression and am responding fairly well to medication.
But, now I have to do the talk part of the therapy. A problem I've always pushed to the back is that I was never wanted and was born to a teenage mother who treated me poorly.
I'm lucky to have moved far away and have a great husband, but this is something I feel some bitterness about, as I am often reminded of it by my mother.
Has anyone experienced the same situation, and how did you finally process and deal with it?
Thanks very much :)
Answers: Hi. I'm being treated by a psychiatrist for ADHD and mild depression and am responding fairly well to medication.
But, now I have to do the talk part of the therapy. A problem I've always pushed to the back is that I was never wanted and was born to a teenage mother who treated me poorly.
I'm lucky to have moved far away and have a great husband, but this is something I feel some bitterness about, as I am often reminded of it by my mother.
Has anyone experienced the same situation, and how did you finally process and deal with it?
Thanks very much :)
FIrst, about myself, I was born in 1958 to a 36 year old mother and a 44 year old father. If you know history my mother was at the age when nobody expected her to become pregnant. At 16 my dad was 60 so there was no way we could ever play any sport at an equal level. I was more fortunate than you in that my parents consider me a 'happy' accident.
Anyway, life isn't fair and you got a bad hand to start. That is not, in any way, your fault. So what if you were a burden to your mother! That may be, objectively, the truth. But so what!
That part of your life is over. You need to be sure you are not blaming yourself for what you needed. You were entitled to have your diapers changed, be fed and clothed and housed. If the facts are such that you 'burdened' your biological mother then that is just life being unfair to both of you.
You say now you have a great husband. I suggest that you just put the past behind you by admitting and coming to terms with your feelings instead of burying them. You have the right to your feelings whatever they may be. Acccept them, accept that you were not at fault, life sucks and move on.
Once you have recognised and dealt with those facts moving on means deliberately altering your thoughts whenever you start down those negative paths. Talk to your shrink about Cognative Behavioural Therapy. It can teach you to recognise things that trigger your bad, and good, thoughts and to use those triggers to switch your mood whenever you become aware that it is negative.
Anyway talking it out and accepting the things you cannot change will really help.
Good luck :~)
Well, I'm sorry your mom reminds you of this. However you got here, you are a person, and you matter. Don't let your mother's issues ruin you and make you have to see a professional over it. They are HER problems, NOT yours. You know, my oldest son was born to me when I was a teen and he knows his dad and I were not married at the time (we are now, with 2 other sons after him). What I told him was that he was a "happy surprise" to his dad and me. I'm sure your mom thinks of you this way too, but she probably enjoys the drama of telling you her "poor me, I was a teenage mother" story. Don't take it. You don't have to accept any problem with it. If anything, you need to deal with your relationship with your mother now, and get over the past. It doesn't matter anymore.
Well, I was a teenage mother too, with a mental illness on top of eveything else. My now 14 year old daughter was a TOTAL accident (I was even on the pill) but I wouldn't change having her.
I haven't gone through this, and I'm a freshman in high school, and I'm a Christian. So do what you want with what I'm about to tell you.
No one is an accident. God has a plan for everyone. God had a plan for you to be born and for you to live here on this Earth. Whether you parents wanted you or not, God did. Just know that you aren't just here totally randomly, you're here for a reason. Whatever that reason is, if you don't know it already, I hope you find it soon.
I kind of know how you feel. My mother used to tell me all the time how she was on birth control when she got pregnant with me and that she didn't want another kid at all. She has even referred to me as "the accident" more than once. She gave me to my grandparents when I was 6 weeks old and was never really a part of my life after that. For many, many years I was so hurt and upset by the situation. But I cut her out of my life and focused on the family that wants and loves me. I just learned that I can't let the opinions of one person (even if she did give birth to me) affect how I feel about myself. I know that I am not the worthless, unwanted person that she made me feel I was. Surrounding myself with true friends and love worked for me.
my mother had no problem telling me several time i was an accident... most kids are in todays time...u are the product of an accident... that doesnt make YOU the accident... ur parents were the ones being irresponsible... as i told my mother as she constantly reminded me of how her having children ruin her life because she cant find a man with us in her life... i never asked to be here... and if u couldnt be a repsonsible loving mother u should have given us up to someone who would love and care for us... it has nothing to do with u... pathetic parents want to put their mistakes off on anyone they can instead of accepting responsibility... i dealt with it by looking at it that way... ur not an accident u were a god sent to someone else just because she cant deal with how shitty her life is she wants to make her self feel better by making u feel like its all ur fault... dont take it personally ... just know that u are a grown *** woman and ur mother well she never grew up
buy making yourself a blessing for the wolrd to see