Bipolar sister please read?!
Question: My sister has been bipolar for about 6 years now. She is, for lack of a better word, a genius. She is a math PhD and currently a math professor at a prestigious university. I feel like her illness is deeply affecting myself and my family. She is recently divorced since her husband said he couldn't live with her anymore. The thing is despite all her medications and therapy, nothing seems to be working. Now that all of us (the children) are in our twenties, we aren't always home together, save holidays and myself during the summer. Whenever we are together, my sister seems to be the only topic of conversation. Sometimes I feel very angry at her for affecting my family so negatively. But now every time I go home I try to leave ASAP because it resembles a bastion of unhappiness. My mom gets very upset and angry even at times because of how stressful everything is. I'm afraid she'll commit suicide (sister). I don't know how to act/respond anymore, please respond with any input.
Answers: My sister has been bipolar for about 6 years now. She is, for lack of a better word, a genius. She is a math PhD and currently a math professor at a prestigious university. I feel like her illness is deeply affecting myself and my family. She is recently divorced since her husband said he couldn't live with her anymore. The thing is despite all her medications and therapy, nothing seems to be working. Now that all of us (the children) are in our twenties, we aren't always home together, save holidays and myself during the summer. Whenever we are together, my sister seems to be the only topic of conversation. Sometimes I feel very angry at her for affecting my family so negatively. But now every time I go home I try to leave ASAP because it resembles a bastion of unhappiness. My mom gets very upset and angry even at times because of how stressful everything is. I'm afraid she'll commit suicide (sister). I don't know how to act/respond anymore, please respond with any input.
It's sad that you've gotten so few answers to your question, but it's a hard topic for anyone to discuss. I'm bipolar with an anxiety disorder and in my 30s, and I know quite well it's a sticky subject.
You don't need you "feel like" her illness is deeply affecting your family. It just plain IS affecting you all. If she had any other major illness, it would affect all of you. It's okay to say that it impacts you and your family.
However, her ex-husband's explanation probably isn't entirely accurate. She's more than her illness, and he had problems with her that had nothing to do with her illness. Furthermore, it's doubtful he was a perfect husband. Most divorces include multiple mutual grievances.
You say that sometimes you "feel very angry at her for affecting my family so deeply". Is it her that's affecting your family, or her condition? That's a major question to answer. It's understandable to be frustrated--illnesses usually don't bring entertainment and joy to any family. If I'd raised me, married me or been one of my siblings I think I probably would have thumped me more than once or twice. Thankfully, I have great parents, have forgiven and been forgiven by my ex-husband, am in a great relationship with a wonderful man and am an only child. :)
Get together with your sister in a set situation for finite amounts of time. Have coffee with her, meet her to go for a walk or see a museum, and ask her point blank what is her and what is her illness. Explain that you've decided you want to get educated, and that you feel she's both an expert and intelligent enough to talk to you about it.
Then, on your own, try to sort out a tentative list of what problems are her condition and what are her choice. Remember that you are probably wrong about some of them (some may actually be her choice, some might not be), and figure out which really have to change in order to improve your relationship with her. Keep doing these semi-regular finite get-togethers, and tell her you really want to work on some things because you're unhappy with the way things are. Tell you you've learned from her condition that everyone has the right to have a problem--including you--and the right to try to fix it.
There's are a few ways to take action about your worries she's going to commit suicide. One is to ask her about her crisis plan. Look them up on the internet, so you can honestly tell her you were researching ways to help people with bipolar disorder and came across them.
If she files a crisis plan with you and other members of your family, you'll have a commitment regarding the steps she'll take prior to doing any harm to herself. Encourage her to keep it someone easily accessible in her home.
Do your own research as well, if you haven't already. Look up websites like NAMI and NIMH, and consider getting psychological assistance of your own to address the emotional trauma this situation inflicts upon you.
That's essential, because the worst outcome would be for your sister to lose her family due to her condition, or vice versa. Best wishes.
Bipolar disorder is very hard to live with, for both the sufferer and his or her family.
I'm sorry that it's been such a hard time for you all. Try to be as supportive as you can of your sister. It can take a lot of time to find a medication combination that helps to manage it successfully.
I'd encourage you and your family to research and learn as much as you can about her illness. It helped my family a lot to attend the odd session with me when I went to see my psychiatrist. (I myself am bipolar.)
I can't imagine how hard it is to go home and have it stress you out, when you should be able to enjoy your time with everyone....if it makes it easier, try spending time with your siblings or your mom one on one, and focus on not talking about your sister for a little while. It will do you some good and help maintain some sense of balance.
Aside from that I don't know what else to say except that I understand.
Your sister has gotten therapy you say, but have you? Seriously, it can be difficult for those people close to them too. I have a brother with a disability and all my life I dealt with him being the center of the family's attention: for better or for worse. The celebrations were for him and so were the arguments. It came to the point where I was just expected to be doing fine and any issues I had were insignificant. So I stopped talking about it. All that did was eat me up inside. I've felt for so many years that I've been there for everyone else, but no one's been there for me. I had to get help for me. And if I couldn't get it at home I had to get it somewhere else.
I'm not supposing to know what your situation is like, or that mine is the same, but I know talking to someone helped me. Maybe it might help you too. Just because your sister needs support doesn't mean that you don't too.