Is there something wrong with me because I get down?!
Question: I have 3 teens - 2 are girls. Everything I do is wrong. I mean everything. My husband does not like how I parent and is constantly hovering over me and the kids - to the extent I can not answer questions about feminine personal hygiene without telling him what is going on. My girls are miserable with everything I do. I'm too happy or too sad or too strict. I'm either a drama queen or an emotionless robot. I'm too critical. I'm a pain. I'm an intrusion.
I parent and parent and parent. I correct. I remind. I punish. I do everything I am supposed to do and my kids are such lazy jerks. They whine and complain whenever anything has to be done. How long will this take? Why didn't you tell me before now? Is this good enough?
Urgh. I'm so tired of being the constant voice of reason and responsibility. I know it's horrid, but I'm just trying to get through the next 4 years so I can start to live again. My self esteem is in the toilet. I'm blue and frustrated.
Answers: I have 3 teens - 2 are girls. Everything I do is wrong. I mean everything. My husband does not like how I parent and is constantly hovering over me and the kids - to the extent I can not answer questions about feminine personal hygiene without telling him what is going on. My girls are miserable with everything I do. I'm too happy or too sad or too strict. I'm either a drama queen or an emotionless robot. I'm too critical. I'm a pain. I'm an intrusion.
I parent and parent and parent. I correct. I remind. I punish. I do everything I am supposed to do and my kids are such lazy jerks. They whine and complain whenever anything has to be done. How long will this take? Why didn't you tell me before now? Is this good enough?
Urgh. I'm so tired of being the constant voice of reason and responsibility. I know it's horrid, but I'm just trying to get through the next 4 years so I can start to live again. My self esteem is in the toilet. I'm blue and frustrated.
wow ... tough place to be ... whew ...
mother of one teenage daughter here ... I used to suffer from some depression, but no longer ... my situation is different, but the underlying principles are probably very similar
you've probably got to give more power to your kids to solve their own problems and step back ... allow them to make mistakes, and congratulate them when they solve something ...
don't parent so much ... you may have your ego tied up in your parenting role, so take a step back from it - you are a human being who is way more than a parent
don't let the others dump their issues on you - husband or children ... just say "I'm sorry you're experiencing that, it sounds difficult" ... "is there some way I can give you the ability to be independent with this, so that you're not relying on me to be just the way you need me to be, so that you feel more empowered and happy in your self?" ...
do not remind them of things ... let them miss out and experience their own consequences - then when they are suffering from their own consequences be kind and say "wow, that's unfortunate you missed that time limit, and that you're having to go in after school" (or whatever), and wish them well in learning their own lessons ... never smug, always supportive, but ALWAYS keep that piece of separateness ...
let the others take turns cooking meals, they'll learn how scarey it can be to have peopel judge your hard work ... they'll appreciate your efforts more ...
hope some of this might be helpful ... take care ...
i suggest family counseling =)...
I saw this in an episode of the Simpson's.
You just need a vacation Marge...
Let them know what it's like when you're not there.
Kids will whine, it's what they do best! However this should not get ya down. if it is you must try and find a solution now before it gets worse. Remind yourself of how you felt at their age. It is easier for kids today to be defiant.
I think the biggest problem is your husband not supporting you. He cannot undermine you in front of the kids. That is usually where teens gather their strength when it comes to trying to bring us parents down.
I don't think you can change the kids behaviour too much but you can talk to hubby in private and explain to him how you are feeling. Sit the kids down as well and tell them how you feel.I think with kids it's more of a metamorphasis. They will eventually grow into responsible Adults(hopefully).
You probably need to find something you enjoy doing. It can be a great stress reliever...
Try and experiment to see what your children do, but best of all what your husband does.
Let everything go, no complaints, no corrections, no voice of reason or responsibility, no telling hubby what's going on, you know what I mean, just let it all hang out, and just don't give a damn, for a season. Then sit back and see what happens. If all falls apart, wait for the crys of help to call for you. Then sit down with everyone and pour your heart out onto them and begin to write down parameters and rules to live in YOUR house by. Life is wonderful, but tough and if everyone does their part of the puzzle or game it will be beautiful.
ok take a deep breath
your so in the forrest you cant see the trees
bare with me please
you are doing your best
there isnt much being said/taught about parenting
talk to a good Christian counselor, Pastors wife etc and get someone you can trust as a fellow mom to bounce your feelings off of, otherwise your going to feel alone and self abating/putting yourself down.
I suggest get the idea going in your family ...laughter and that you are a team, one on ones when open up time comes, for you about your husband check out "Men are from Mars" when you speak to him about a problem, start with "I love you" and dont use the word 'but' or 'can you' if you would like something from him 'will you'?
I feel good/bad when you................... will help alot
Salam
happy day, lovely princess
I am fine
please be safe and good
*****LOVE ____God & life _____LOVE*******
??*? have happy Easter every day resurrection hope, happy and power to be the best=
God valentine day to ur heart today??*?
pray for the Middle east for Jewish and others to come to know the real Jesus, Iraqi believer in Messiah Jesus who ministers for the Messiah was targeted
(01:08) Report
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Apr. 5 - Gunmen kill a believer in the Messiah Jesus minister in drive-by shooting outside his home in Baghdad.
The teacher about Jesus, Adel Yousif, was gunned down near his home in central Baghdad's prosperous Karrada district in the latest attack on believers in the Messiah in the country. Iraq's believers in the Messiah Jesus minority has mainly tried to avoid being dragged into the sectarian violence but have been targeted, especially in Baghdad and the northern city of Mosul.
look at life's big picture,
find fun interest today, most of all Jesus
dont project yourself as unable to be happy till 4 years, think differently, Psalm 23 and poem "footprints in the sand" have the keys
Jesus speaks from heaven Revelation 1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of sin quickly. Behold I stand/I am at your heart door and knock to come in, ask me in and i will and be your friend."
good prayer=toi keo ai vao long/trong tham tam Jesus (i draw you near to my heart Jesus), toi rat lay lam tiec/toi goi la
co mac toi tay dinh (I am sorry for my sins) hay tha loi cho toi (forgive me) than voi (be my friend) amen
and with that girl friend share another chocolate mocha or any drink as you wish.
I believe in honor & marriage with respect/honor/true love.
have good safe week princess, David