What to do about my mother.?!
Question: i have a crazy mother. shes hit my sister in the head with a hammer. shes tried to kill herself 6 times in her life time. she is always the victim, and it is always someone elses fault. she listens to herself that its my sisters fault. but im in a bind. my baby is due soon, and i live about 1000 miles from my mother. she keeps pressing me about her coming out to visit. because she is "all better again." "and they uped my meds". i just dont want her anywhere near my child. but im afraid that if i am honest to her, then she will try to off herself again. someone suggested leting her come see the baby, but only meet in a public place. or just tell her that we will visit her when we are ready. but i dont like either of those ideas. i love my mom, but i dont want to put my child in harms way. is it true that i may have to "bury her before she dies" (meaning be honest and let her off herself) or do i risk exposing my child to danger (NOT AN OPTION) any and all advice is already thank you'ed
Answers: i have a crazy mother. shes hit my sister in the head with a hammer. shes tried to kill herself 6 times in her life time. she is always the victim, and it is always someone elses fault. she listens to herself that its my sisters fault. but im in a bind. my baby is due soon, and i live about 1000 miles from my mother. she keeps pressing me about her coming out to visit. because she is "all better again." "and they uped my meds". i just dont want her anywhere near my child. but im afraid that if i am honest to her, then she will try to off herself again. someone suggested leting her come see the baby, but only meet in a public place. or just tell her that we will visit her when we are ready. but i dont like either of those ideas. i love my mom, but i dont want to put my child in harms way. is it true that i may have to "bury her before she dies" (meaning be honest and let her off herself) or do i risk exposing my child to danger (NOT AN OPTION) any and all advice is already thank you'ed
I think this is a hard situation but you need to tell her that currently because of her past actions you do not feel comfortable with her being around your soon to be new born child and that although you hear what shes saying about being better and being on good meds you just dont trust that that is enough since you havent seen her progress first hand. tell her that you dont want to upset her but that at this point its just not an option for her to come out.
from there you can decide if you want to visit her by yourself and see how she is and see if you feel okay about your child being near her.
but i think ultimately when youre dealing with mental illness anything they dont want to hear is going to hurt them. and its never going to be their fault. so by being honest youre not doing anything wrong. if she commits suicide or attempts to then it had nothing to do with you in any way. its her own mental illness that caused it and honestly if she does it over that then tis probably just a cry for attention and hopes that youll give in and let her come.
wow tought situation, leave the baby with her/his mother..
then just go visit your mom by yourself..
since your mother is like that DO NOT let her around your child ever..
btw is your sister ok??
hun i would make sure u keep her far away from ur child... ur mom isnt ur responsiblility to take care of her when she is allowing herself to do the things she is doing... i really hope ur sister is far away from her too ...if she threatens to off herself just call her in... this way she gets some serious help .... but u should stay completely firm u know wats best for u and ur child and this is best
Well. The only question would be can you control the meeting in her town. If not have her come to you. have her come to a place you can control. tell her what you feel. if you do not air your laundry it will rot and fester between you and her and your own child will suffer. there is no reason to be scared of it. it really happened and she knows it. tell her so she can understand.
That's rough, if i were you i would tell her the truth, but you're not me so it's up to you, you could let her see the baby but if she starts showing signs of something strange or different just back away, leave and be defensive. Tell her that she's acting out a bit, and if she doesn't listen then it's just time to scram.
your baby comes first. maybe if you tell her it might give her a wake up call. does she have grandkids already. my dad was messed up too. but my daughter is what brought him back. he was doing hard drugs for as long as i can remember. he has been sober since a year after she was born. she if 5 now.
You have to understand one thing, She will NEVER change. People as they get older, are set in their ways and is really difficult to cope with changes .You should NOT let your mom see the baby anytime soon. Once your baby is a little older, then YOU go down there to see your mom. There is not guarantee with no matter how much med she's on, that she won't try and pull something. It will be best to let your child grow a little bit and then go from there. At one point your relationship with her will END.If you like it or not. The way you describe her, if she can't take care of her own child (your sis) and herself, there's no telling what she will do to yours. (scary)
Often times meeting in a public place, a restaurant, keeps people calmer. If I felt that threatened, I wouldn't want her to hold the baby. What a difficult situation!