Our differences are making us unhappy???!
Question: What do you do when your partner and you are just too different? We are getting into fights over our differences, and spending more time unhappy togther than we are enjoying each other's company. It seems like our differences are getting in the way of being happy together.
For instance, he says that I do too much for my friends and family. I have always had close relationships with my family and friends. He comes from a family of 5 boys and none of them are married. He was raised by his grandparents away from his brothers. He is not a social person. As long as I am with him and doing what he wants everything is OK. But as soon as I step out of the box of us, we have issues.
I have told him, his comments make me feel guilty for being myself and his response was for me to figure it out. Then we end up fighting and feeling miserable after.been together for 8 years and every time we go to get married something happens
any advice please?
Answers: What do you do when your partner and you are just too different? We are getting into fights over our differences, and spending more time unhappy togther than we are enjoying each other's company. It seems like our differences are getting in the way of being happy together.
For instance, he says that I do too much for my friends and family. I have always had close relationships with my family and friends. He comes from a family of 5 boys and none of them are married. He was raised by his grandparents away from his brothers. He is not a social person. As long as I am with him and doing what he wants everything is OK. But as soon as I step out of the box of us, we have issues.
I have told him, his comments make me feel guilty for being myself and his response was for me to figure it out. Then we end up fighting and feeling miserable after.been together for 8 years and every time we go to get married something happens
any advice please?
for starters i would leae getting married for now, its obvious you are 2 very different people, its what being you attracted him to you in the first place, so why is he hemming you in now?? sounds like he is jealous of the fact that you are capable of going out and getting friends and keeping them, really this is his problem, if i were you i would not change to please a man, at the end of the day your family and friends will always be there, will he?? you only live this life once and you need to grab happiness when you can and he dont sound like hes making you happy at all, i know youv been together for 7 yrs but do you want to spend the next eight yrs living like this..............good luck x
Your partner should make you happy... if this is not the case, then you should think about finding happiness elsewhere...
Don't get married yet. sit down and draw up a list of the things you like about him and the things you dont - get him to do the same thing. then swap them and see things from his perspective. Rank the issues that really bug u from 1 (not so bad) to 5 (causing u real misery) and ask him to suggest how you can bring this issue down to 1 ie. maybe don't rush to your family's aid every time, maybe they see u as their constant problem solver and hv become too dependent on you. What bothers you about him - do the same thing, suggest a compromie. Give it a trial run for say 2 weeks and then review. Okay its clinical but you will be surprised at what can be achieved.
Simple
Don't try and make something work that will always break down again
And that is exactly what you want to do. Fix one thing now and 2 more will take its place why
Because you two are having trouble now and not just one thing either so unless you just want to live a life of the 3 "D's" -
Distrust
Dislike
Dissatisfaction
Because you feel that this is the only guy that will like you go ahead and live in a hell on earth then.
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Things between you and your partner won't change unless you go to Relate. Even then you may end up deciding to part. Sometimes the way someone has developed emotionally makes it very difficult to share in relationships - but they can only learn to share if they see it as a problem, which generally they don't as they are getting what they want at the emotional expense of the other person.
It's tough to end a long standing relationship, but if all you see in it is unhappiness then I think this may be crunch time. Good luck and I hope you find happiness in the future