I need to cry...?!
Question: Yea, I have all of this anger and depression built up inside me, and I really need to cry. Thinking about my parents or friends passing away doesn't work... I am desperate, please help me.
Answers: Is it because you are a guy, believe me grown men cry! We lost our dog to the recalled food last year one month prior to the recall and never in my 13 yrs married had I ever witness my husband shed more than few tears. When our Brandy became ill and lost her battle, my husband literally BALLED- 9 years of having her with us, her growing up with our daughter, it was like losing one of our daughters.
Yes, I often say nice guys finish last, I am one of them only female form. I do for everyone all the time, it is just who I am, and I am indigo, look up indigo adults and you can read all about it. It is my nature to reach out to others, even sacrifice my own needs and wishes for others. I do this all the time.
As I grow older, now in my 40's, raising a teen daughter, running my own household, I have to also tend to aging parents who are not well, and mom with Parkinson's Disease, she tries to walk but freezes, takes steps and stops suddenly. People don't understand and as compassionate as I am, I also have a low tolerance level for ignorance and have blasted people to the point where I have actually caused a scene in the store. One lady rammed her cart right into my mother, mom has poor balance, well as my daughter told a teacher "mom is very nice and good hearted but you always want to stay on her good side".
You know why we are like this? because we are so tired of being the good ones, and getting crapped on, not getting back the same respect and consideration as we give out.
No one seems to appreciate us, what we do, how much and that is what life is all about, the little things.
The rest of the world is just filled with so many self absorbed individuals, that they make us forget who WE are, they bring out our bad side sometimes, make us angry and resentful.
You do what is right in your heart and just keep reminding yourself that you also have limits to how far YOU will go to help another. Would they be there for you? But always follow what your heart tells you even when your mind gets mad that it gives in to your heart because your heart will never steer you wrong no matter what the outcome is...
For example, I used to work in a nursing home for about 2 months as a receptionist, an elderly man "John" would walk by my station every morning, and this one particular morning he walked by upset, mumbling, disturbed, so I said "John, are you okay, what's wrong?" he said "oh, I broke my watch, my daughter gave this to me for my birthday and I broke it"
I asked him to let me take a peek, his band was broken.
I asked if he would trust me enough to take it home, get a band on it and bring it back tomorrow" he said" oh would you really do that for me?" I said "absolutely but don't tell anyone". which he said he would never do that.
The next day I brought his watch back, he walked by that morning and I went around and placed the watch on his wrist and he stood there in tears thanking me up and down. Thrilled that he could wear his watch again.
Later the boss called me into her office and said "I understand you fixed John's watch for him" I said "yeah, so"
she said "we don't do those kinds of things in here" I said "don't do what, kind gestures for others?" she said "we don't get personal with our patients or do things for them like you did and the next time you do something like this, we will have no choice but to terminate you" I stood up, looked her in the eye and said "well, it won't happen again" she said "good" I said "yes, who in their right mind would work for people like YOU, you don't have to terminate me, I quit!"
I walked out and as I did, John and his daughter were by the front doors, his daughter stopped me asking if I was Karen and I said yes, she said "oh my father just loves you, you fixed his watch, you made my dad so happy, thank you!"
I didn't have the heart to tell her or her father I just quit, I just hugged both and left, when I got in my car I just lost it. How can people be so cruel.
2 days later I went to go get my paycheck and to tell John that I would not be working there anymore, as I walked towards his room, a nurse stopped me and said "are you here to see John?" I said "yes" she said "I am so sorry Karen, he passed last night".
I walked out of there once again in tears, but the thing I can carry with me to this day "20+yrs later" is that I did what was in my heart, and because of that, John died a happy man.
This is why I am telling you, never regret being a nice guy, we may get a raw deal in life, but there is a reason for everything and some day, when I don't know, some day we will be rewarded for all the good we have done in our lives.
Remember John and my story whenever you feel down on yourself. Because that is one of the main things that happened in my life that keeps me going and doing all that I do. You live and learn, and it is okay to NOT go out of your way for those who have done you wrong or don't appreciate you, I get more satisfaction out of helping complete strangers than some of the people I know! Believe me!!!
Love and hugs
Karen