What do you see?!
Question: What do you see!?
I met a young lady over a matrimonial website and she was in a 7 year abusive relationship!. She is a wonderful young lady and can be very compassionate, kind, funny and the works however I am starting to notice other things especially in a "tiff"!. This is what I have observed:
1!. Her refusal to see that "it takes two to tango" - she will not take responsibility for anything but rather look for smart ways to turn over the responsibility to me!.
2!. She resorts to sarcasm, low blows and sometimes indirect insults when it seem she is hurt and wants relief!.
3!. She dodges accountability for her own actions and words and the effect these have on other people however she will adamently assert to hold others accountable!.
4!. She displays a lack of empathy for how I feel even when I tell her in a respectful and kind manner!.
5!. She has a "you can't tell me what to do" and "that makes you controlling" mindset!.
6!. She rarely apologizes for her mistakes/errors!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
1!. Her refusal to see that "it takes two to tango" - she will not take responsibility for anything but rather look for smart ways to turn over the responsibility to me!.
2!. She resorts to sarcasm, low blows and sometimes indirect insults when it seem she is hurt and wants relief!.
3!. She dodges accountability for her own actions and words and the effect these have on other people however she will adamently assert to hold others accountable!.
4!. She displays a lack of empathy for how I feel even when I tell her in a respectful and kind manner!.
5!. She has a "you can't tell me what to do" and "that makes you controlling" mindset!.
6!. She rarely apologizes for her mistakes/errors!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
It seems like she has a very big chip on her shoulder, otherwise known as "excess baggage!."
I commend you for reaching out to her, yet, if she always resorts to such behavior everytime things aren't rosey it's cause for some alarm!. She is probably still very angry about her last relationship!. Hopefully she will realize she needs help with this anger and will seek it!.
It's not fair for you to endure the pain from an old wound, even though I highly respect your tenderness toward her!.
Only you can make the choice as where to go from here!. Do you think she will be able to get a handle on her resentment so that she will be more happy thus making your relationship better!? Do you think she will continue to be sour and take it out on you!?
Have you talked with her about this!? What is her initial reaction!.
I wish you well, if things don't turn out, then that's the way it should be!. Someone out there will be more appreciative of the kindness you have to offer!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I commend you for reaching out to her, yet, if she always resorts to such behavior everytime things aren't rosey it's cause for some alarm!. She is probably still very angry about her last relationship!. Hopefully she will realize she needs help with this anger and will seek it!.
It's not fair for you to endure the pain from an old wound, even though I highly respect your tenderness toward her!.
Only you can make the choice as where to go from here!. Do you think she will be able to get a handle on her resentment so that she will be more happy thus making your relationship better!? Do you think she will continue to be sour and take it out on you!?
Have you talked with her about this!? What is her initial reaction!.
I wish you well, if things don't turn out, then that's the way it should be!. Someone out there will be more appreciative of the kindness you have to offer!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
What has to happen to reverse these behaviours that you have noted!. What is the liklihood of that happening!. Sounds like she has alot of issues that are not your responsibilty!. I guess if the good outweighs the bad, your in good shape!. If however it is the other way around, a change is needed!. Good LuckWww@Answer-Health@Com
If you can't tolerate her attitudes and imperfections, then better not to deal w/ her too much coz both of you may build up a problem in the future!.!.!. that is if both of you decided to enter to the relationship!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Did you tell her this is so many words!? If you are considering going further, a frank discussion and road map for behavior modification could help!. Be prepared to hear her out too, and meet mid way if possible!.Take it from thereWww@Answer-Health@Com
7!. is this the kind of woman you want with you in the rest of your life so to speakWww@Answer-Health@Com
it is either you tell her to change all of that, or you accept her for it!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
do what you need to do with her then ditch her!.
-courtesy of spiderman 2Www@Answer-Health@Com
-courtesy of spiderman 2Www@Answer-Health@Com
Have you discussed this with her when you were NOT in an argument!? I think you'll need to if you want things to work between the two of you!. It doesn't excuse her behavior, but it is possible that you are making it worse by your own approach during a"tiff"!.
You can only find that out if you two talk about this when you are not fighting!. Start with something like, "How do think about the way we argue!. Does anything I do specifically bother you!?" Try to listen to her answer without trying to justify yourself and your actions!. Then tell her how you feel and that it hurts your feelings when she treats you like she does whenever she is mad!. Stay calm and try not to let it become an I'm right and you're wrong conversation (at least if you want to fix the problem)!.
note: I'm not saying what does is right!. It's not!. But pointing it out like that is not likely to get results!. Remember, no one is perfect!.
Good luck!Www@Answer-Health@Com
You can only find that out if you two talk about this when you are not fighting!. Start with something like, "How do think about the way we argue!. Does anything I do specifically bother you!?" Try to listen to her answer without trying to justify yourself and your actions!. Then tell her how you feel and that it hurts your feelings when she treats you like she does whenever she is mad!. Stay calm and try not to let it become an I'm right and you're wrong conversation (at least if you want to fix the problem)!.
note: I'm not saying what does is right!. It's not!. But pointing it out like that is not likely to get results!. Remember, no one is perfect!.
Good luck!Www@Answer-Health@Com