Is it stress or depression or something else,im so miserable?!
Question: Is it stress or depression or something else,im so miserable!?
Even as i write this i have tears running down my face!. I have a great family,a loving boyfriend and i enjoy my job BUT my boyfriend lives in America and i am in the UK and for the past 18 months its been hard but ive kept very positive about it all, but since my last visit to the US i have been crying constantly, questioning his commitment, barely sleeping, eating very very little and just feelsolow!. I got sent home fromwork today because they thought i was sick coz i was crying but i really dont know whats wrong!. Ive tried making an appointment with my doctor as ive read on here but shes not got any space untilnext week!. I know my boyfriend loves me but i also know he has long term commitment issues!. I dont know what to do with my life,should i move there (i do have a legal way) and hope the problems go asthats where they seem to stem from or what!.!.!.i dont even know what im asking, i just need help,im s miserable and confusedWww@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
It does sound as though you are pretty depressed!. Make that appointment, even if it is for next week, but call your doctors again and tell them it is an emergency, because it is!. Perhaps during your last visit you picked up vibes that make you question his committment, but you cannot put your finger on it!. Perhaps you deep down question whether your relationship can work being so far apart!. Whatever it is, you need to do some soul searching, and either getting some mild anti-depressants (I know, no one wants to take them, but bear with me a moment here) or some emergency counselling will help you explore these uncomfortable and painful feelings in an emotionally safe environment!.
One thing is for sure, you should not move to the US if you feel your boyfriend has long term committment issues!. You would be leaving behind any stability you currently do have, any support you have built up, a loving famiy and a stable and good job!. If things went wrong there, you would be depressed, and, essentially alone and that wouldn't be good!.
The reason I suggest tablets is because that is what your doctor is possibly going to suggest!. In the short term!. For say, no more than six months!. The good thing about the tablets they can prescribe nowdays is that they are far easier to control, and then come off of, than the old style ones, and so many people use them regularly nowdays, you may well know people who take them who you would never guess even need them, that is because they work!. They simply allow the chemicals and hormones in your brain to stabilise, enabling you to get yourself back on track and think about the things, or enter into counselling to deal with the things, that are making you so unhappy in the first place, while you go about your life in a normal way!. What is the sense in feeling so depressed if you can take something, for a few months, which help you!? If we have pain, we take a painkiller, its the same thing!. Mental Health issues and medication for them are now much better understood, and do not carry the same social stigma they did thirty years ago!. Doctors understand the process of depression now, that people can be very depressed even though their lives are seemingly wonderful, that it can be a hormonal or chemical imbalance!.
I think you should try and push your doctor for emergency councelling, though I warn you now, the waiting lists are horrendously long, hence the need to prescribe anti-depressants in the short term!. If you have the money, you should even consider paying for private therapy, you will get it much quicker!. Those who enter into therapy are not mad, simply that we all have painful and uncomfortable feelings and these can really get on top of us, sometimes we need someone professional, to put us in a safe place and allow us to have the space to explore these in a safe emotional environment, that is what therapy does for most people!.
That is the medical side dealt with!. In terms of the situation with your boyfriend, you need to regain some control of the issue!. As much as you love each other, you need to think long-term!. Sometimes love simply just isn't enough!. In fact, if you look at apparently stable and solid couples, you will often find that love plays only a part of the whole story in their relationship!. You will find that friendship and respect and a genuine care for their partner's sense of wellbeing and happiness and the responsibility that puts on them are more important on a day to day basis!.
If this guy and you lived nearby, then it may be worth just coasting along and seeing if his committment issues may change further down the line!. But the reality is that he lives thousands of miles away, which in itself puts a far higher strain on the relationship!. You need to be realistic!. Do you want long-term committment from this man!? Or are you happy just concentrating on the short-term!? Are you looking for marriage and family!? Is he!? Where would you set up home were you to live together or marry!? What sacrifices would you have to make if you went there!?
There are no guarantees in life!. People marry, have children and then divorce all over the place, love, we expect, will bond us to that person!. Love, often lets us down, or wanes, or dies out completely!. If you have no friendship and respect to back it up, it has no chance of being reborn!.
You really need to think of whether this relationship is worth it!. I know you love him, that being apart is tearing you apart!. But search yourself deeply, do you think it may all fall apart one day anyway!? Is that your fear!? If that is what you think, then you would be far better breaking it off now, I know that thought is utterly terrifying, and fills you with dread, and that such a break up would be so painful, but you are suffering already and from your question, you seem to have little real hope for the relationship, based on this man's committment issues!. You need to ask if it is worth all this pain, only to find down the line that he isn't ready for what you want and is in fact unable to give you that committment!. That is who he is, for now anyway, you will not change that, whatever you do!.
If you need more from a relationship than he is prepared to give, love and lust asside, you should seriously consider calling it a day, giving yourself time to hurt and heal and figure out what you do want, and learning to recognise that those needs are part of you, and that being with someone who doesn't share them is never going to make you happy!. Only then, will you be free to move on and find that someone who will love and value you just as much as you love and value them!. From what you say, this man does not fit that description!. Is this sadness and pain you have you already grieving for something you know, but do not want to face is already over!? The first stage of grief is denial, and though you do not want to face that possibility, it may be to your best interest to at least think about what you would do if her were no longer in your life!.
You are so much stronger than you realise, whatever happens, you will get through this, but if you feel this man cannot give you what you want, what you need, it is going to end in tear, most likely yours, at some point!. If so, you would be better off ending it now and concentrating on your life and your needs, not his!. Does he even know how sad you are at the moment!? What is he doing, or would he do to help make you happy!? If the answer is not a lot, don't waste time on him any more!. If the answer is that he would do anything, then at least tell him how you feel and give him the chance to show how serious he really is!.
In any case, do see your doctor as soon as you can!. I wish you all the best with this and hope that you find peace of mind soon!. Good luck and God Bless!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
One thing is for sure, you should not move to the US if you feel your boyfriend has long term committment issues!. You would be leaving behind any stability you currently do have, any support you have built up, a loving famiy and a stable and good job!. If things went wrong there, you would be depressed, and, essentially alone and that wouldn't be good!.
The reason I suggest tablets is because that is what your doctor is possibly going to suggest!. In the short term!. For say, no more than six months!. The good thing about the tablets they can prescribe nowdays is that they are far easier to control, and then come off of, than the old style ones, and so many people use them regularly nowdays, you may well know people who take them who you would never guess even need them, that is because they work!. They simply allow the chemicals and hormones in your brain to stabilise, enabling you to get yourself back on track and think about the things, or enter into counselling to deal with the things, that are making you so unhappy in the first place, while you go about your life in a normal way!. What is the sense in feeling so depressed if you can take something, for a few months, which help you!? If we have pain, we take a painkiller, its the same thing!. Mental Health issues and medication for them are now much better understood, and do not carry the same social stigma they did thirty years ago!. Doctors understand the process of depression now, that people can be very depressed even though their lives are seemingly wonderful, that it can be a hormonal or chemical imbalance!.
I think you should try and push your doctor for emergency councelling, though I warn you now, the waiting lists are horrendously long, hence the need to prescribe anti-depressants in the short term!. If you have the money, you should even consider paying for private therapy, you will get it much quicker!. Those who enter into therapy are not mad, simply that we all have painful and uncomfortable feelings and these can really get on top of us, sometimes we need someone professional, to put us in a safe place and allow us to have the space to explore these in a safe emotional environment, that is what therapy does for most people!.
That is the medical side dealt with!. In terms of the situation with your boyfriend, you need to regain some control of the issue!. As much as you love each other, you need to think long-term!. Sometimes love simply just isn't enough!. In fact, if you look at apparently stable and solid couples, you will often find that love plays only a part of the whole story in their relationship!. You will find that friendship and respect and a genuine care for their partner's sense of wellbeing and happiness and the responsibility that puts on them are more important on a day to day basis!.
If this guy and you lived nearby, then it may be worth just coasting along and seeing if his committment issues may change further down the line!. But the reality is that he lives thousands of miles away, which in itself puts a far higher strain on the relationship!. You need to be realistic!. Do you want long-term committment from this man!? Or are you happy just concentrating on the short-term!? Are you looking for marriage and family!? Is he!? Where would you set up home were you to live together or marry!? What sacrifices would you have to make if you went there!?
There are no guarantees in life!. People marry, have children and then divorce all over the place, love, we expect, will bond us to that person!. Love, often lets us down, or wanes, or dies out completely!. If you have no friendship and respect to back it up, it has no chance of being reborn!.
You really need to think of whether this relationship is worth it!. I know you love him, that being apart is tearing you apart!. But search yourself deeply, do you think it may all fall apart one day anyway!? Is that your fear!? If that is what you think, then you would be far better breaking it off now, I know that thought is utterly terrifying, and fills you with dread, and that such a break up would be so painful, but you are suffering already and from your question, you seem to have little real hope for the relationship, based on this man's committment issues!. You need to ask if it is worth all this pain, only to find down the line that he isn't ready for what you want and is in fact unable to give you that committment!. That is who he is, for now anyway, you will not change that, whatever you do!.
If you need more from a relationship than he is prepared to give, love and lust asside, you should seriously consider calling it a day, giving yourself time to hurt and heal and figure out what you do want, and learning to recognise that those needs are part of you, and that being with someone who doesn't share them is never going to make you happy!. Only then, will you be free to move on and find that someone who will love and value you just as much as you love and value them!. From what you say, this man does not fit that description!. Is this sadness and pain you have you already grieving for something you know, but do not want to face is already over!? The first stage of grief is denial, and though you do not want to face that possibility, it may be to your best interest to at least think about what you would do if her were no longer in your life!.
You are so much stronger than you realise, whatever happens, you will get through this, but if you feel this man cannot give you what you want, what you need, it is going to end in tear, most likely yours, at some point!. If so, you would be better off ending it now and concentrating on your life and your needs, not his!. Does he even know how sad you are at the moment!? What is he doing, or would he do to help make you happy!? If the answer is not a lot, don't waste time on him any more!. If the answer is that he would do anything, then at least tell him how you feel and give him the chance to show how serious he really is!.
In any case, do see your doctor as soon as you can!. I wish you all the best with this and hope that you find peace of mind soon!. Good luck and God Bless!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I am sorry for the way you are feeling, I was in a similar situation years back, that's love for you!!?!!?!. Get professional advice below!. All the best!. Cheers!.
http://www!.psychologytoday!.com/Www@Answer-Health@Com
http://www!.psychologytoday!.com/Www@Answer-Health@Com
maybe you just miss your BF very much!. but, as you said he has long term comitment issues!. so, why would you move there!? what if things didn't work out!. if it is true depression, you need counselling at the very least!. go see you dr!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think your brain is telling you it's time to sort some things out!. Is your boyfriend permanently resident in USA!? If so, the only way you will have a future with him is by moving there, or him moving here!. If you doubt his commitment, then moving there seems rather risky!. If you want to stay in UK, do you really have a future with this relationship!? If you accept that this relationship is time limited, then enjoy the fact that you have the opportunity to have holidays over there until one or other of you meets someone else that you want to have an exclusive relationship with!. You can't realistically sustain a forever relationship across the Atlantic, so something has to change!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
well hes with u aint he i think u just need to go out and have a laugh talk to him on the phone tell himyour worries thats what hes there for maybe if you moved there you would be happy and dont think about work you live once maybe you should go out there for a little while see how it goes talk to him ask him how he wuld feel if you moved there what ever you do dont feel down because your a lucky person you said u have a great family talk to them maybe they can help u
goodluck and cheer up x
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goodluck and cheer up x
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It sounds like you have depression, stress anxiety and generally feeling bad are all symptoms!.
The best thing you can do is talk to your doctor about it, there are many ways of helping depression!.
Don't rush into moving to a different country or something big like that, depression is a mental illness so it can make you feel and think things that are different from your true beliefs!.
Like I said, talk to your GP, and she will be able to talk you through it e!.t!.c!. and recommend what to do next!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
The best thing you can do is talk to your doctor about it, there are many ways of helping depression!.
Don't rush into moving to a different country or something big like that, depression is a mental illness so it can make you feel and think things that are different from your true beliefs!.
Like I said, talk to your GP, and she will be able to talk you through it e!.t!.c!. and recommend what to do next!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
it is stressWww@Answer-Health@Com
I'm not surprised taht you feel low!. You never said how ong you've been together or if you see yourself with this man in the future!. Moving to the US is a very big step to take!. You are very lucky though to have a great family!.!.!. at least you're not alone!. Plus it sounds to me like something more than "the blues"!. No matter how sad you are about your boyfriend not being here, you should not find yourself crying continually and when you get sent home from work, this feeling of lowness (!?!) is clearly causing more problems than it should!. Perhaps you should try the normal things to boost your mood ie eating good food and exercising!. Nothing feels better than to put on a trackie and sweat your butt off at the gym! I know it sounds boring but that has to be the way to start!. You don't want to start anti depressants too soonh!. In my experience I would only recommend tham if you really need them!. T o answer you question about moving to the US!.!.!.!.!. don't trade your family too lightly for your boyfriend!. I fI was you I'd stay put!.!.!. you too have commitments here!. It's not all about your boyfriend you know!. You must think of your own happiness too!. Would it be better to call it a day and move on with your life!?!. I can't say because I don't know the quality of your realtionship!. But try to remember blood is thicker than water as they say (I've made this mistake before and I regret it soooooo much)!. Look around you and soak up what you've got here!.Try to boost yourself with citrus fruits and bright colours and some quality time with your loving family!. I hope you feel better soon!. Feel free to e mail me should you still feel crappy tomorrow!. Jo xWww@Answer-Health@Com
Is there a crisis line you can call!? If yes, then they should be able to give you referrals for someone to talk to!. You can also try calling your doctor and telling them it is an emergency and that you need to be seen as soon as possible!. Moving to a different country is a big step that may not cure your depression!. You need to get okay with yourself so that you do not attach your happiness to a boyfriend living on a different continent!. That way you will be able to make the right decision about whether or not to move, rather than being rash and ending up making a huge (and expensive) mistake!. You said you have a geat family and good job, so stick with them until you get it worked out!. If he is right for you, then you can take the time to sort things out!. If you move to America, all your support systems will be gone and you will be in a new place, with no job and no good friends, which will just add to your stress!. Take some time in the UK to take care of yourself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com