Helping someone who was molested?!
Question: Helping someone who was molested!?
I have convinced her to tell a family member, who she believes can help her!. I have spent two hours yesterday inspiring/motivating/convincing her that it is the right thing to tell someone, until she finally uttered the words
Answers:
Answers:
You are handling the situation extremely well, so kudos for that!. Unfortunately, just telling her aunt is not going to resolve every issue (though it is what I think is the most important step)!. She is going to have self esteem issues and probably believes that this incident is somehow her fault!. I would offer to either be there when she tells her aunt or pep talk her on the phone as you have been doing, but right before she goes to tell her aunt!. it is also really hard to get something like that out in words, so it might help her to write it down and either hand it to her aunt or lay it somewhere she will see it!. She is going to need a lot of help and rebuilding after this all comes to light!. If she wants, you can come with her to counseling appointments and such, but we'll worry about that process after the truth comes out!. You are doing a great job handling the situation and it's going to be tough for both of you to go through, but she probably feels better already just having you know, and having you love and support her to cancel out her blaming herself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I suggest that she tells her parents first and have them handle it with the aunt!. Also she needs to report him to the authorities!. It's not fair that he did this to her and gets away with it!. Even if the aunt leaves him that wont be puishment enough for what he did to her!. He needs to feel the anger of the law!. You as her friend are her only witness and you need to tell the police if she's not going to!. I work for the prosecutors office and I can tell you I've seen this happen many times!. The person molested always feels ashamed, disgusted and just want to forget but this is not the answer!. His punishment will be severe since she's only 15!. Take my advice, she needs to tell her parents and have her parents and her confront the aunt with the news and together contact authorities!. Right now what she needs is to feel that she has support and everyone is one her side!. She wont get better from one day to another but with the right therapy she will get better and move on with her life!. There are many good things that come out of reporting him to the authorities!. Not only will he get convicted but she'll get free individual therapy or with a group that have experienced the same!. She needs to do this today because the more days that pass the tougher it'll be for her to cope!. Good Luck!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Number one priority is she should stay WELL AWAY from the man!.
Number two is to ease the negative feelings!. All abused and molested people feel this way!.!.!. they are victims but hate to admit this to themselves as it means they lost control of their lives, so they find all kind of ways to blame themselves (then beat themselves up about it)!. OF course the man, when confronted, will come up with all kinds of blame on her (she was flirting, teasing, throwing herself at him etc) which is no excuse for him to go near a 15 yr old!. The way she should see it is, he did BAD things to her, he HURT her,why should she be making excuses for him (even in her head!?) by blaming herself!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this will take time
Number three the wife/girlfriend of the molester is NOT the best person to tell!.!.!. the aunt will be torn between the two and disbelieving which will only hurt your friend more (lots of girls molested by their FATHERS found it easier, later in life, to forgive the father than to forgive the MOTHER who didn't believe them enough to put a stop to it)!.
If the molestation was serious (and it sounds like it was a lot more than just a quick passing grope) she should go to the POLICE!. You could go with her for moral support - try finding a female officer to talk to!. Talking to the aunt or the molester will not solve anything!.
Your local phone book should list rape crisis lines, ring one yourself and get some more professional advice; you should be able to tell them a lot more detail than you can tell us on a site like this!.
Try not to say "don't say!.!.!.!.don't think!.!.!.!." to your friend, try phrasing everything in a positive way, let her cry or get angry if she wants!.!.!.!.and be prepared to support her for a long time to come!.
Bless you both!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Number two is to ease the negative feelings!. All abused and molested people feel this way!.!.!. they are victims but hate to admit this to themselves as it means they lost control of their lives, so they find all kind of ways to blame themselves (then beat themselves up about it)!. OF course the man, when confronted, will come up with all kinds of blame on her (she was flirting, teasing, throwing herself at him etc) which is no excuse for him to go near a 15 yr old!. The way she should see it is, he did BAD things to her, he HURT her,why should she be making excuses for him (even in her head!?) by blaming herself!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this will take time
Number three the wife/girlfriend of the molester is NOT the best person to tell!.!.!. the aunt will be torn between the two and disbelieving which will only hurt your friend more (lots of girls molested by their FATHERS found it easier, later in life, to forgive the father than to forgive the MOTHER who didn't believe them enough to put a stop to it)!.
If the molestation was serious (and it sounds like it was a lot more than just a quick passing grope) she should go to the POLICE!. You could go with her for moral support - try finding a female officer to talk to!. Talking to the aunt or the molester will not solve anything!.
Your local phone book should list rape crisis lines, ring one yourself and get some more professional advice; you should be able to tell them a lot more detail than you can tell us on a site like this!.
Try not to say "don't say!.!.!.!.don't think!.!.!.!." to your friend, try phrasing everything in a positive way, let her cry or get angry if she wants!.!.!.!.and be prepared to support her for a long time to come!.
Bless you both!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Hello again!.
Treating people who are molested is really, really difficult!. I have done this professionally several times!.
Usually they enjoy it on some level and thus feel guilty about it!. They don't want to get anyone into trouble and they don't want anyone to think badly of them either!.
It's not easy to get good help on this either!. But that would be your aim!.
There are two main things you can help with!.
1!. Getting her to talk to someone!. If she won't talk to her aunt, find someone else!. Go with her!.
2!. Getting her to forgive herself!.
Neither of these are within your control!. God gave us free will for a reason!. When you pray, pray for the strength and ability to do what's right for her!.
The last resort would be going and seeing her aunt yourself!. Although you would probably be doing her aunt a giant favour, this would be a betrayal of your friend and you may lose the friendship or worse!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Treating people who are molested is really, really difficult!. I have done this professionally several times!.
Usually they enjoy it on some level and thus feel guilty about it!. They don't want to get anyone into trouble and they don't want anyone to think badly of them either!.
It's not easy to get good help on this either!. But that would be your aim!.
There are two main things you can help with!.
1!. Getting her to talk to someone!. If she won't talk to her aunt, find someone else!. Go with her!.
2!. Getting her to forgive herself!.
Neither of these are within your control!. God gave us free will for a reason!. When you pray, pray for the strength and ability to do what's right for her!.
The last resort would be going and seeing her aunt yourself!. Although you would probably be doing her aunt a giant favour, this would be a betrayal of your friend and you may lose the friendship or worse!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You definitely need to keep reiterating her that what happened was in no way her fault!. It's very good thats she's gotten to the stage where she wants to tell someone, she has obviously been putting a lot of thought into it!. Maybe you could ask her if she wants you to be with her when she tells her Aunty!? For some extra support!? If not then I think all you can do is constantly reassure her!. You are a very good friend!.
In the end though, it really just comes down to her!. If she's going to tell someone of her own accord, then she will, she just needs to come out and say it!. If she doesn't, then you'll have to tell someone because she can't keep living like this!. She needs to get some help!.
With the negative thoughts etc, chances are she's suffering depression (Though I can't diagnose that) so seek out professional help, get her to talk to her school councilor and try and convince her to combat her negative thoughts with positive ones, and tell her that even if she doesn't believe then she just needs to keep telling herself she she's a okay person!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
In the end though, it really just comes down to her!. If she's going to tell someone of her own accord, then she will, she just needs to come out and say it!. If she doesn't, then you'll have to tell someone because she can't keep living like this!. She needs to get some help!.
With the negative thoughts etc, chances are she's suffering depression (Though I can't diagnose that) so seek out professional help, get her to talk to her school councilor and try and convince her to combat her negative thoughts with positive ones, and tell her that even if she doesn't believe then she just needs to keep telling herself she she's a okay person!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
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