What would you do (cuts)?!
Question: What would you do (cuts)!?
Okay, if you had a 12 year old daughter, and you found out she was harming herself (cutting) what would you do!? As in, how would you react!? What would you say to her!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I'm currently 15, and I have been cutting since I was about 13!.
While I am not a mother; I do know what happened once my mother found out!.
She found out a few months ago and was so angry, she kicked me out!. After living with my best friend for a little while, eventually she took me back!. She didn't understand it!. Self-harm is such a social taboo that most people are, frankly, uneducated in the manner!. And if you're ignorant to a certain subject; of course you won't know how to respond!.
Anyway, she started me into therapy once she understood a bit more about it and started being a lot more calm around my house (her anger issues were a trigger for me!.)
If I have a daughter who cuts!? I would first identify her triggers!. What is making her do this!? Is it me!? Her father!? Her friends!? Did something happen to her that she wasn't telling me (abuse, rape, etc!.)!? Was it a breakup!?
After identifying at least SOME of the triggers, I'd do what I could to eliminate them!. If it was for me being, for example, too strict; maybe I would loosen up a bit!. Not give her EVERYTHING or let her take advantage (authority is still important) but enough to not make her so depressed!.
Next, I would get her into therapy immediately!. A visit to the doctor might help as well; since part of my depression was a chemical and hormone disbalance!. I got put on birth control and if it doesn't help for a few months, I'll be prescribed an anti-depressant!.
If this is currently happening to you, I highly recommend taking action right away before anything gets worse!.
[EDIT:] I heard one person say to take away all the sharp objects!. If she is a pretty frequent cutter (about 3 or 4 times each week), do NOT take away all her sharp objects!. Cutting is her only coping method!. Doing this will take away the one thing she can control, and can therefore steer her down the road of suicide!.
She MUST give them up willingly!. If you force her, you're risking loosing your daughter forever!.
Body checks are also VERY stressful and embarrassing, and often will lead to cutting more!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
While I am not a mother; I do know what happened once my mother found out!.
She found out a few months ago and was so angry, she kicked me out!. After living with my best friend for a little while, eventually she took me back!. She didn't understand it!. Self-harm is such a social taboo that most people are, frankly, uneducated in the manner!. And if you're ignorant to a certain subject; of course you won't know how to respond!.
Anyway, she started me into therapy once she understood a bit more about it and started being a lot more calm around my house (her anger issues were a trigger for me!.)
If I have a daughter who cuts!? I would first identify her triggers!. What is making her do this!? Is it me!? Her father!? Her friends!? Did something happen to her that she wasn't telling me (abuse, rape, etc!.)!? Was it a breakup!?
After identifying at least SOME of the triggers, I'd do what I could to eliminate them!. If it was for me being, for example, too strict; maybe I would loosen up a bit!. Not give her EVERYTHING or let her take advantage (authority is still important) but enough to not make her so depressed!.
Next, I would get her into therapy immediately!. A visit to the doctor might help as well; since part of my depression was a chemical and hormone disbalance!. I got put on birth control and if it doesn't help for a few months, I'll be prescribed an anti-depressant!.
If this is currently happening to you, I highly recommend taking action right away before anything gets worse!.
[EDIT:] I heard one person say to take away all the sharp objects!. If she is a pretty frequent cutter (about 3 or 4 times each week), do NOT take away all her sharp objects!. Cutting is her only coping method!. Doing this will take away the one thing she can control, and can therefore steer her down the road of suicide!.
She MUST give them up willingly!. If you force her, you're risking loosing your daughter forever!.
Body checks are also VERY stressful and embarrassing, and often will lead to cutting more!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
First order of business is to get her into therapy!. No ifs, ands or buts!.
Second, remove ALL sharp objects from her room!. Although this certainly won't stop a motivated self-harmer, it might prevent some of it!. This is going to mean a very throrough search of room, backpack, etc!. Encourage your daughter to give these up willingly!. If she doesn't, do NOT hesitate to take them from her!.
Next - body checks!. Yes, I said body checks!. This means that mom physically checks daughter's body for any evidence of further self harm!. She might balk, but it is for her protection!. It isn't meant to be enjoyable for her (not unlike immunizations), but it is necessary!. Skip this step, and you can be virtually assured that the behavior will continue right under your nose!.
She may threaten "it will just make me do it more"!. Don't buy that manipulative nonsense!. You must take the reigns from a child who cannot control her own behavior!. These kids need predictable stability!. Body checks are one way to provide that!. And again - don't present it as an "option", but in a matter-of-fact, this-is-what-is-going-to-happen way!.
It is VITAL that you take a FIRM STAND immediately!. Let her know both that you love her AND that it is not ok with you!. Work with daughter and therapist on finding alternatives to self-harm!. Talk with your daughter about what function cutting serves for her (e!.g!., anxiety release, replacing emotional with phsyical pain, etc)!. Help her find other more healthy outlets for her feelings!.
Above all - support this child!. Know that cutting becomes very addictive, very quickly!. Although some of it IS in her control, much of it is not (particularly the feelings that are driving the behavior)!.
Parents should NOT attempt to manage this on their own!. This behavior can escalate quicker than a New York minute and get completely out of control!. Professional assistance is absolutely vital!.
To sum up:
1!. Therapy
2!. Remove objects used to self harm
3!. Routine body checks (she's young enough)
4!. Support
Hang in there,
~M~Www@Answer-Health@Com
Second, remove ALL sharp objects from her room!. Although this certainly won't stop a motivated self-harmer, it might prevent some of it!. This is going to mean a very throrough search of room, backpack, etc!. Encourage your daughter to give these up willingly!. If she doesn't, do NOT hesitate to take them from her!.
Next - body checks!. Yes, I said body checks!. This means that mom physically checks daughter's body for any evidence of further self harm!. She might balk, but it is for her protection!. It isn't meant to be enjoyable for her (not unlike immunizations), but it is necessary!. Skip this step, and you can be virtually assured that the behavior will continue right under your nose!.
She may threaten "it will just make me do it more"!. Don't buy that manipulative nonsense!. You must take the reigns from a child who cannot control her own behavior!. These kids need predictable stability!. Body checks are one way to provide that!. And again - don't present it as an "option", but in a matter-of-fact, this-is-what-is-going-to-happen way!.
It is VITAL that you take a FIRM STAND immediately!. Let her know both that you love her AND that it is not ok with you!. Work with daughter and therapist on finding alternatives to self-harm!. Talk with your daughter about what function cutting serves for her (e!.g!., anxiety release, replacing emotional with phsyical pain, etc)!. Help her find other more healthy outlets for her feelings!.
Above all - support this child!. Know that cutting becomes very addictive, very quickly!. Although some of it IS in her control, much of it is not (particularly the feelings that are driving the behavior)!.
Parents should NOT attempt to manage this on their own!. This behavior can escalate quicker than a New York minute and get completely out of control!. Professional assistance is absolutely vital!.
To sum up:
1!. Therapy
2!. Remove objects used to self harm
3!. Routine body checks (she's young enough)
4!. Support
Hang in there,
~M~Www@Answer-Health@Com
The First Answerer, Michele, has an excellent answer!. The only thing I would expand on is the level of support!.
The parent needs to be a huge support, but a parent needs to also help the 12 year old build in other supports as well, such as one or two more adults and maybe a same-age peer that the 12 year old can go to!. The 12 year old can also have items handy to help his/her self in the very moment that he/she feels like cutting!. This can be squeezing an ice cube tightly in the hand or snapping a rubber band on the wrist so that the pain is felt but there is no physical harm!.
Good Luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
The parent needs to be a huge support, but a parent needs to also help the 12 year old build in other supports as well, such as one or two more adults and maybe a same-age peer that the 12 year old can go to!. The 12 year old can also have items handy to help his/her self in the very moment that he/she feels like cutting!. This can be squeezing an ice cube tightly in the hand or snapping a rubber band on the wrist so that the pain is felt but there is no physical harm!.
Good Luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
umm just assuming here that you are the 12 yr old daughter!?!?!? ok you need to tell your mother that is the only way you can get help trust me i am a cutter and i know the every yr you cut it gets harder and harder to stop so TELL YOUR MOM please please please
and if you are the mother
please do not search her room and DEFINATELY do not do "body checks" this will make her cut more (im a cutter i know from experience)
***get her into therapy _- cutting is an addiction***
let her talk to you but do not push anything
try to act normal otherwise she will feel like she is just a broken or crazy personWww@Answer-Health@Com
and if you are the mother
please do not search her room and DEFINATELY do not do "body checks" this will make her cut more (im a cutter i know from experience)
***get her into therapy _- cutting is an addiction***
let her talk to you but do not push anything
try to act normal otherwise she will feel like she is just a broken or crazy personWww@Answer-Health@Com
I would make sure she knows that it's okay to talk to me about whatever she wants and I would try to help her!. I'd tell her that it hurts me to see her cutting herself!. But I really don't know what I would do, I mean I don't know if my relationship with her is good or not, or how much she hates me for being her father lol!.!. But I would at least make sure she knows I love her!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
She may have a mental illness like bipolar!. This is a classic sign of bipolar or clinical depression!. Very genitally talk to her about what you know, but never yell at her, Try to be understanding and if it was like a one time experiment, don't do anything to her, but if it was many times, then you need to take her to a psychiatrists asap!. They really can help her overcome this!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I would make sure she knows how much I love her!. I make sure she know I was not mad at her!. I would tell her I wished she talked to me!. Then I would give her some time to think!. In the end I would take her to a doctor for help!. I would not take away her blade away!. It's the only thing she would feel control over!. I would be able to help her since I went threw the same thingWww@Answer-Health@Com
I would get her professional help!. I would have her evaluated to see what's wrong!. I would be very upset, yet angry at the same time because I wouldn't know what's wrong!. I would tell her to let me know what's going on and give her advice on how to properly handle the situation!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Talk to her and explain why it is not a good coping habit, and how that it hurts you as well as her!. Remember, she is hurting, don't degrade her or yell at her!. As a side note, alot of kids who cut use that as a way to express pain, alot of times due to abuse!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I use to cut and i would get her i therapy before the urge to cut is too much and she goes deeper until she hits something that wont hill so easy!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Sit down and talk to her about it, but DO NOT yell at her or anythingWww@Answer-Health@Com
She should get help!Www@Answer-Health@Com
take her to a doc!.!.!.!.!.!. thats a early sign of depressionWww@Answer-Health@Com