Codependant relationship recovery - help?!
Question: Codependant relationship recovery - help!?
i was in a codependant relationship, and it ended really badly!. we will never talk again!.
day by day i fight hard to let her go (she has a new bf - and im sure is far happier then i could have ever made her)!. in my heart i want to be happy, i think everyone deserves to be happy - especially her!.
iv started excercising, eating right, reading more, trying to reconnect into my life!. but every so often i go into a really bad spill of guilt and shame (my psychatrist has also diagnosed me with psychosis and depression)!.
some days the pain is really bad - to the point that my body twitches hard when im reminded of her!.
im fighting hard - she was a good woman, and i learned alot from her, but its like i walk a painful tightrope of becoming better for myself and becoming better because of her!?
everytime i have a laugh or have fun, my body automatically guilts me into feeling "you dont deserve joy, you couldnt give her any joy - so this is your punishment"
thoughts!? help!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
day by day i fight hard to let her go (she has a new bf - and im sure is far happier then i could have ever made her)!. in my heart i want to be happy, i think everyone deserves to be happy - especially her!.
iv started excercising, eating right, reading more, trying to reconnect into my life!. but every so often i go into a really bad spill of guilt and shame (my psychatrist has also diagnosed me with psychosis and depression)!.
some days the pain is really bad - to the point that my body twitches hard when im reminded of her!.
im fighting hard - she was a good woman, and i learned alot from her, but its like i walk a painful tightrope of becoming better for myself and becoming better because of her!?
everytime i have a laugh or have fun, my body automatically guilts me into feeling "you dont deserve joy, you couldnt give her any joy - so this is your punishment"
thoughts!? help!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Thoughts!? Yeah!.
It is not your responsibility to make someone else happy!. Hasn't your therapist told you that!? As far as I am concerned, this is guilt-ridden, religious thinking that has been ingrained into our brains from the time we were children to be responsible for someone else's happiness or responsible for someone else's sin!. (you made her do it!. you put that thought in her mind, etc!.)
yes, become better for YOU and no one else, because YOU matter the most to YOU and only YOU!. Yes, it is terribly romantic to think that someone loves us enough to say "You complete me" but in reality, only a whole person (one that loves themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) can only be available for a happy, healthy relationship with someone else!.
My suggestion, since you asked, is to change what you are fighting for!. From now on, your fight should be to overcome that old process of thinking you are responsible for someone else's happiness/sadness!. Take at least five minutes each day and think happy, loving thoughts about yourself -- not her!. Think of all the wonderful things you wanted to do with your life BEFORE she came into your life and then make plans to actually do them!.
To help you overcome thinking about her and "letting her go" look at it this way -- she is cancer!. Why hang to something like that, making your whole life miserable!. She obviously doesn't care for you since she doesn't care for herself!. You have lots of love inside you, waiting for the right person that will return that love to you, no strings attached!. Be ready for that person because she is out there, waiting patiently for you to come to your senses!.
(don't pay any attention to diagnoses!. this is for insurance purposes only, or if you sue!. We all go through depression and pychoses at some point in our life!. Pick yourself up and move on!. )Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is not your responsibility to make someone else happy!. Hasn't your therapist told you that!? As far as I am concerned, this is guilt-ridden, religious thinking that has been ingrained into our brains from the time we were children to be responsible for someone else's happiness or responsible for someone else's sin!. (you made her do it!. you put that thought in her mind, etc!.)
yes, become better for YOU and no one else, because YOU matter the most to YOU and only YOU!. Yes, it is terribly romantic to think that someone loves us enough to say "You complete me" but in reality, only a whole person (one that loves themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) can only be available for a happy, healthy relationship with someone else!.
My suggestion, since you asked, is to change what you are fighting for!. From now on, your fight should be to overcome that old process of thinking you are responsible for someone else's happiness/sadness!. Take at least five minutes each day and think happy, loving thoughts about yourself -- not her!. Think of all the wonderful things you wanted to do with your life BEFORE she came into your life and then make plans to actually do them!.
To help you overcome thinking about her and "letting her go" look at it this way -- she is cancer!. Why hang to something like that, making your whole life miserable!. She obviously doesn't care for you since she doesn't care for herself!. You have lots of love inside you, waiting for the right person that will return that love to you, no strings attached!. Be ready for that person because she is out there, waiting patiently for you to come to your senses!.
(don't pay any attention to diagnoses!. this is for insurance purposes only, or if you sue!. We all go through depression and pychoses at some point in our life!. Pick yourself up and move on!. )Www@Answer-Health@Com
There are groups for co-dependent people!.!.!.that might be a start, for you!. As an individual, have you started therapy!? It's really very helpful when you are trying to recover from a loss, such as yours!. Be kind to yourself, be gentle!.!.!.allow yourself time to heal! It takes time!.!.!.lots of time, but it's worth it!. Trust me!.!.!.I know!. kjlWww@Answer-Health@Com
too much to read!.!.!. We are all givers and takers and reverse the roll often -Www@Answer-Health@Com
Keep in mind, always, that each of us is on our OWN life path!. We connect for purposes, that we may not always be aware of, yet, it is not our "job" to fix anyone else!. So, be the best You can be at this point, no matter what You were like in the relationship!. Now, is Now!. Past is Past!. Past is a learning tool, yet, nothing we can control!. Over!. Done!. P-A-S-T!! Sounds as though You gained much out of the relationship are just now starting the work to be done, for You, about You!. Remember!.!.!.!.!.Don't try to make it work!.!.!.!.!.!.Let it Work!!
and!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Everyone deserves Joy!! Punishment is a "guilt/shame/blame" mentally that has often been instilled in us through programing that is outdated!. There really are no "shoulds/coulds/woulds", they only exist in our minds, not in reality!. Focus on your improvement program and include some positive affirmations for yourself on a daily basis and check into dietary items that might encourage your system to produce more endorphins!. Also, BComplex is always good to add to any diet for anyone under any stressful situations!. Ending any relationship, in any manner, is very stressful on the system!. Blessings!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
and!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Everyone deserves Joy!! Punishment is a "guilt/shame/blame" mentally that has often been instilled in us through programing that is outdated!. There really are no "shoulds/coulds/woulds", they only exist in our minds, not in reality!. Focus on your improvement program and include some positive affirmations for yourself on a daily basis and check into dietary items that might encourage your system to produce more endorphins!. Also, BComplex is always good to add to any diet for anyone under any stressful situations!. Ending any relationship, in any manner, is very stressful on the system!. Blessings!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com