How can I end my emotional dependence on a girl?!
Question: How can I end my emotional dependence on a girl!?
I'm in a really tough situation!. I've been really good friends with this girl for a really long time!. We're pretty much best friends, and I love her a lot!. The sad thing is, as long as I've been her friend, I've been in love with her!. She has a boyfriend who she clearly loves much more than me, and whenever I'm reminded of this fact I get really depressed!. I spend the majority of my days thinking about her, and I'm always hung up on the fact that I'll never be more to her than I am now!. It's actually caused a fair amount of depression in my life, and I realize that this needs to end!.
How can I go about being more satisfied with our friendship, and not lingering on the fact that she can't be mine!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
How can I go about being more satisfied with our friendship, and not lingering on the fact that she can't be mine!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
There is an old Buddhist story about this!. Here's how it goes: a disciple of Buddha, came to him with great anguish and confusion!. Buddha asked what the problem was!. The disciple said that he recently broke up with the woman of his dreams and is so distraught that he can no longer focus on sleeping or eating or working or doing his meditations, and so on!. He was clearly at the end of his wits, and broke down and wept and asked Buddha how can he ever get through this and not suffer like this again!. Do you know what Buddha said!?
He said, " Get another girlfriend, fall in love and then break up with her!. Do this again and again until you no longer suffer as you clearly are!!!!"
Does this make sense!?!? Well, actually, psychologically, it does!. Scripturally (Hindu/Buddhist), like in the teachings of the Bhaghavad Gita, the end of all suffering lies in 2 'simple' things: compassionate discernment, and detachment from worldy desires!. The Christian 10 commandments advise us to forgive those who trespass against us (including acceptance of our own weaknesses and blind spots), to not be led by temptation!. This is pretty much the same as developing compassion and detachment, so both Hinduism and Christianity suggest the same thing!.
Now, this is not easy to swallow, but then, who said psychological maturity and a merciful love-life comes overnight!? No, it takes a life-time of life experiences to become wise of heart and mind!. In the meantime, I personally would also recommend a script for Zoloft and some short term psych counseling!. Learn what you can from your experience about yourself, not her, as she is the mirror to you and your own short-comings, not hers!. Know that you have grown in mind & spirit and are now stronger and wiser, and go find a girlfriend that fits the new you!. Then rinse & repeat, lol!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
He said, " Get another girlfriend, fall in love and then break up with her!. Do this again and again until you no longer suffer as you clearly are!!!!"
Does this make sense!?!? Well, actually, psychologically, it does!. Scripturally (Hindu/Buddhist), like in the teachings of the Bhaghavad Gita, the end of all suffering lies in 2 'simple' things: compassionate discernment, and detachment from worldy desires!. The Christian 10 commandments advise us to forgive those who trespass against us (including acceptance of our own weaknesses and blind spots), to not be led by temptation!. This is pretty much the same as developing compassion and detachment, so both Hinduism and Christianity suggest the same thing!.
Now, this is not easy to swallow, but then, who said psychological maturity and a merciful love-life comes overnight!? No, it takes a life-time of life experiences to become wise of heart and mind!. In the meantime, I personally would also recommend a script for Zoloft and some short term psych counseling!. Learn what you can from your experience about yourself, not her, as she is the mirror to you and your own short-comings, not hers!. Know that you have grown in mind & spirit and are now stronger and wiser, and go find a girlfriend that fits the new you!. Then rinse & repeat, lol!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You're in a TOUGH spot!. And I'm afraid You may NEVER get out of it- unless you either GROW out of it (ALWAYS a possibility- eventually), or you GET OUT of her life COMPLETELY- & NEVER see her again!.!.!. Don't like your Options!? Don't blame You- I had the SAME ones once, & it took me TOO MANY years- to get OUT of a girls life, & ON with my OWN!. IF you can "bite the bullet" & get out- you're a brave Man & I salute You!. If You CAN'T- you have my condolences!.!.!. WHATEVER you DO or don't- good luck!. You're GOING to need it!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.Www@Answer-Health@Com
dude i feel you that's hard to tell you love when you just a friend, bad things about girls is that if they see you as a friend they will see you as a friend for ever!. There's not hope at least she feels sorry and doesn't want you to be hurt or she doesn't want to be alone but if she sees you as a friend the most she can do is like you but not lub u as you want!. you should try to get another and be more with other girls and stop thinkin about herWww@Answer-Health@Com
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is tell her how you feel!. This will change how she views you as a friend but as long as you keep it inside you will never know how she feels about you and that will drive you nuts!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Until you accept this as fact you are not going to be satisfied!.
It is sad because it sounds like real love!.I loved the way you called her 'best friend',and I feel sad that you are suffering!.!.
!.!.!.but I think you already know the answers!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is sad because it sounds like real love!.I loved the way you called her 'best friend',and I feel sad that you are suffering!.!.
!.!.!.but I think you already know the answers!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
find a new girl!.
after that, you'll probably realize that a lot of why you were so good friends in the first place is because you didn't want to let go of the hope!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
after that, you'll probably realize that a lot of why you were so good friends in the first place is because you didn't want to let go of the hope!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
she has a boyfriend!. don't mess with that!. it's probaby just a huge crush!. you have to give yourself time and choose a different girl with different qualities!. moving on is hard but it'll be worth it!.
good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
Why not get a girlfriend!? Tha'td keep your mind off of her!. Maybe you'll end up loving your girlfriend more than you friend that you love now!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
If you love someone like that, don't let it go!. you'll regret doing nothing later in life more than trying something and failing!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Get your own girlfriendWww@Answer-Health@Com
My dear brother,
There is a proverb in my language "Love's eyes are blind"!.
Because we cannot see our partner's bad points!.!.!.
You had a great friendship with her!.But now you started to feel different about her + her boyfriend is make her more valuable in your eyes!.!.!.
First of all!.!.!. It is a very big sin to affect a good relationship badly!.!.!. You shouldn't affect them!.
If you want to make yourself cold from her think about her bad points!. How she is eating,talking,walking!.!.!.Make yourself cold from her!.!.!.
Than look around you!.!.!.Because the girl who will really care about you always by your side but you never see her when you are concentrated an other girl!.!.!.
So be relax and do not make stress!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
There is a proverb in my language "Love's eyes are blind"!.
Because we cannot see our partner's bad points!.!.!.
You had a great friendship with her!.But now you started to feel different about her + her boyfriend is make her more valuable in your eyes!.!.!.
First of all!.!.!. It is a very big sin to affect a good relationship badly!.!.!. You shouldn't affect them!.
If you want to make yourself cold from her think about her bad points!. How she is eating,talking,walking!.!.!.Make yourself cold from her!.!.!.
Than look around you!.!.!.Because the girl who will really care about you always by your side but you never see her when you are concentrated an other girl!.!.!.
So be relax and do not make stress!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
sorry to hear about your situation
but trust me, we've all been in such situations
i'd recommend following three choices:
1!. end your friendship, heal your heart, it's going to take a long time, but you need to put yourself before anything to avoid you falling any deeper and getting more hurt
or
2!. keep be her friend, yet as long as you are her friend, it would be impossible to forget her as "wanting to be more than a friend" b/c we are humans and we dont have a switch that turn off our emotions LOL so it's normal!.!.!. yet it would suck !.!.!.
or
3!. tell her how you feel and see if things can change, if not, then at least you tried
i know this might sound kind of mean or whaotnot, but trustme, it's better that you two are still friends now, imagine if she were your gf and left you for smeone else LOL yet you still in love with her!.!.!. that would be worse situation!.!.!.!. and i've been in it sigh****
so yeah!.!.!.!.remember, make sure you protect your heart!.!.!.
b/c god knows!.!.!. love shouldn't hurt like this LOL
good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
but trust me, we've all been in such situations
i'd recommend following three choices:
1!. end your friendship, heal your heart, it's going to take a long time, but you need to put yourself before anything to avoid you falling any deeper and getting more hurt
or
2!. keep be her friend, yet as long as you are her friend, it would be impossible to forget her as "wanting to be more than a friend" b/c we are humans and we dont have a switch that turn off our emotions LOL so it's normal!.!.!. yet it would suck !.!.!.
or
3!. tell her how you feel and see if things can change, if not, then at least you tried
i know this might sound kind of mean or whaotnot, but trustme, it's better that you two are still friends now, imagine if she were your gf and left you for smeone else LOL yet you still in love with her!.!.!. that would be worse situation!.!.!.!. and i've been in it sigh****
so yeah!.!.!.!.remember, make sure you protect your heart!.!.!.
b/c god knows!.!.!. love shouldn't hurt like this LOL
good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
You need to stop pining for her and find a girl you can love, who will love you back, as MORE than a friend!. If you need to, tell her about your feelings, and that you need to separate yourself from her for a while!. (I think she should know) Take a breather!. I'm not saying don't be friends, I just mean don't spend much time with her for now!. You have loved her for so long that you have missed out on some other opportunities!.
If you are honest with her about your feelings and then distance yourself from her a bit, then she MIGHT realize she feels the same way about you!. But she might not!. I'm NOT saying to play games in the hopes that she will!. I truly think you need some space!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
If you are honest with her about your feelings and then distance yourself from her a bit, then she MIGHT realize she feels the same way about you!. But she might not!. I'm NOT saying to play games in the hopes that she will!. I truly think you need some space!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
finding a girl friend might help might not!.!.!.!.it might only help for a while becuase its distracting her from you!.!.!.!.but its hard to get into a relationship with a girl when your HEART is with someone else!. its hard to be committed to that person!. i think you should tell your friend how you feel!.!.!.it might lift a weight off your shoulders!. tell her your not tryin to mess up her reltion ship or anything but see how she feels to!. YOU NEVER KNow!. sometimes guys wait to so long to tell a girl how they feel (when the girl feels the same way) that she starts to think maybe he doesnt like her and she goes her own way!.!.!.!.but tryin to cover up or temporarly makes your self feel better with another girl isnt the solution!.!.!.GOOD LUCKWww@Answer-Health@Com