How do you help some1 when they wont help themselves? really upset :(?!


Question: How do you help some1 when they wont help themselves!? really upset :(!?
Please bear with me-almost in tears :( -hes a closed box but i want to help!!?

ok my bf has had a really upsetting past and this has caused him to become a closed box, he wont tell me much because he says he trusts no1 fully anymore, u couldnt even tell he had a problem if u were to look at him at school!. (both 17)
what i can't understand is why he almost seems to enjoy the fact that no1 understands him, that he doesn't tell any1 anything and he doesn't talk or go to others for his problems!.

why i want to help him is because he says hes always upset, or frustrated or angry (and this is a lot he doesnt open up to many people like this) and yet he wont see a physc because he doesn't care about himself anymore!

now how do you help sum1 who u care about immensly but who doesnt want to help themselves and hates questioning and people delving into his life!.

please help me because this is really upsetting me and iWww@Answer-Health@Com


Answers:
Instead of forcing him to tell you something/everything, show him that you respect him if that's what he wants!. Try to understand him and extend your patience!. Don't force him verbally!. Show your actions that you're always willing to listen and help!. Build up his trust in you, let him feel that!. In time, !.!.!. little by little he'll begin to share to you those things he's hiding!. Don't fail him!. If he trusted you with his words, then learn to keep it as a respect for him!. He just needs guidance, you don't have to force him!. He'll learn to someday!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

I'm sorry, but it doesn't really sound like he wants help!. If he wanted things to change, he would put some effort into changing them himself!.

The fact is, this seems to be his way of controlling you and anyone else who cares about him!. Some people find more benefit from being depressed than from being happy!.

Trying will only drag you down and eventually make you feel bad about yourself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Please read this information!. It may guide and help you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

I am sorry that this situation is hurting you so much!. It is hard to watch someone else suffer and not want to get help!. It sounds like he went through some pretty horrible abuse, since he doesn't trust anyone!. This is going to be hard to hear, but if he doesn't want help, you can't help him!. In order for a person to be helped, they have to be willing to receive help!. What you can do is continue to be a trustworthy person for your boyfriend, so that he can see that some people can be trusted!. But just as no one else in the world is perfect, neither are you, and inevitably, and most likely accidentally, you will do something that may cause him to lose some of that hard earned trust!. No one is perfect, and everyone lets someone else down sometimes!. That's just how life works and it doesn't mean you are a bad person when it happens!.

I warn you, though, you need to take care of yourself in this relationship!. If he is not willing to deal with his problems, he may one day get so angry that he will take it out on you!. You need to realize that you can't fix anyone!. You can't take away his pain or the abuse he suffered as a child!. In the long run, it might be better for you to get out of your relationship with him, because when someone refuses to get the help they need, they can also drag down the people they love!. I'm sorry, this probably wasn't the kind of answer you were hoping for, and it probably won't make you feel better right now!. But it does not sound like there is room for a healthy relationship with him at this point in his life!. Healthy relationships are built on trust, and if he finds it hard to trust people, you have a pretty shaky foundation for your relationship!. Hope you can figure out what you need to do for yourself in this situation!. Take care!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Hi Munchy!. I think you've bitten off more than you can chew!. You're only 17, and you're not a psychologist, but you're trying to sort out this troubled young man!. Really, you can't help him!. That's the plain, unvarnished truth!. He could help himself if he chose, but you can't do it for him!.

By the way, we women are always trying to change men!.!.!.!. Believe a much older and sadder woman, hun, it doesn't work!.

Just take care of yourself, study hard, and leave the adults (school counsellor, his parents, doctors) to deal with this boy!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

You can't help someone who doesn't want help - it is not possible!. This fella gets some feeling of strength or pride from his stoic acceptance of emotional pain - even though it is mostly just an act!. UNTIL and UNLESS HE sees his problems and wants to ask for help - you are engaged in unecessary drama, pain and suffering - FOR NO GOOD REASON!.

There is a real trap that is laid out in front of you!. This trap says, "Lay down your life and rescue this person; He NEEDS you!." It can be a real ego boost to be the strong, helper even martyr - but it is sick, sick, sick!. Doing this is called Co-dependency!.

I'm being very plain-spoken to you, because I'd like you to see what is going on and maybe not get hurt!.

The healthiest thing would be to tell him that you know He is hurting, that you would like to stand by him, BUT, that you know you can't fix his problems!.

If he sees the truth you are saying and gets into some type of counseling, this could turn out pretty well!. On the other hand, he could ignore your advice and enjoy his pity party!. Two he could blame you for his pain and try to chase you away!. Three he could "elect" you his saint and use you for all the emotional propping up you can do until you fall down exhausted!.

If it were me, I would think very carefully about your next step for your own mental/emotional well-being!. Good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com

To start off, you can't make someone else change if they don't want to change!. That being said, you can help him if you want to!. He's coping the best way he knows how to, and the way that has worked for him so far -- don't assume that your way of coping will work the same for him!. Sounds like, so far in life he has learned that being vulnerable causes pain, so therefore he avoids it, but at the same time he wants to be close to people!.

The first step, is to just listen, be someone who can hear his story, at the speed at which he wants to tell it!. Don't push him, respect his defenses (they've got him this far)!. This won't "cure" him of all the pain he's been through, but it may make him feel less alone!. Loneliness is quite painful!.

The second step is to work with him about what the pros and cons of seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or school counselor are!. He may have may reasons on both sides, try to stay thoughtfully neutral!. It may be the right time to do this, it may not!. He may need a few years before he goes to get help!. The point is to understand (from his perspective) what the pros and cons are!. They may be different from yours!.

Lastly, if he ever mentions that he wants to hurt himself or other people, this is the time to talk to intervene yourself!. Go to a counselor, teacher, doctor, emergency room and talk to them!.Www@Answer-Health@Com





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