Moving on and leaving a bipolar spouse behind... how do I cope with the "wo!
Question: Moving on and leaving a bipolar spouse behind!.!.!. how do I cope with the "worry"!?
Not sure if I should be posting this in "mental health" or "relationships" but either way my relationship just went down the tubes and my mental health is about to!.!.!. lol!.
My fiance and I have just split!. He is bipolar however he refuses to believe it and thinks he just gets depressed sometimes, he had antideppressants for a while which actually made the mania worse (it's bad), then he stopped taking them because of the side effects and he refuses to even consider different meds!. After supporting him unconditionally and putting myself second, I have decided I can't do that anymore!. If he won't help himself there's nothing I can do for him, I need to put myself first again!. His life is currently very unstable and he's in the midst of a high mania!.
Question is- How do I move on with my own life, and let go of this constant worry I have for his safety and well being!? I feel responsible for protecting him as he has no one else, and he isn't capable of thinking realistically for himself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My fiance and I have just split!. He is bipolar however he refuses to believe it and thinks he just gets depressed sometimes, he had antideppressants for a while which actually made the mania worse (it's bad), then he stopped taking them because of the side effects and he refuses to even consider different meds!. After supporting him unconditionally and putting myself second, I have decided I can't do that anymore!. If he won't help himself there's nothing I can do for him, I need to put myself first again!. His life is currently very unstable and he's in the midst of a high mania!.
Question is- How do I move on with my own life, and let go of this constant worry I have for his safety and well being!? I feel responsible for protecting him as he has no one else, and he isn't capable of thinking realistically for himself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
This is such a difficult predicament!. I understand that your spouse is out of control in too many emotional ways and because he isn't able or willing to seek proper help and treatment, your life has become a mess, too!.
I think you should ask yourself if you have done everything to help him out, everything that you are capable of doing!. Because if you have, then I think you should feel okay walking away!. While we don't want to be selfish, it's true that people need to put themselves first sometimes!.
For instance- your spouse may not realize it, but he needs to put himself first, too!. Maybe he already does!. Maybe he thinks he does!. And maybe he is so self-absorbed with mania, anger and depression that he just isn't able to see what to do to make a positive change!.
If you think you've been holding back for some reason, that maybe you could do something more to help him out, you might want to try that first!. Exhaust all your options- he is your husband and I'm sure you love him!.
But certainly leave if you are in any danger from him, even if not physical danger!. Rather you might be pulled under and unwillingly become depressed yourself, just by being around his negativity too much!.
This is really a tough situation!. You might want to see if such a thing as a psychiatrist/marriage councilor exists, someone you can both talk with about how things are going and that you are thinking of leaving!.
Bottom line, if you need to leave for your own health, then you should just go make your life better!. You can keep tabs on him, but he may make more progress if he sees he's losing you than if you talk all the time and try to help him through!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think you should ask yourself if you have done everything to help him out, everything that you are capable of doing!. Because if you have, then I think you should feel okay walking away!. While we don't want to be selfish, it's true that people need to put themselves first sometimes!.
For instance- your spouse may not realize it, but he needs to put himself first, too!. Maybe he already does!. Maybe he thinks he does!. And maybe he is so self-absorbed with mania, anger and depression that he just isn't able to see what to do to make a positive change!.
If you think you've been holding back for some reason, that maybe you could do something more to help him out, you might want to try that first!. Exhaust all your options- he is your husband and I'm sure you love him!.
But certainly leave if you are in any danger from him, even if not physical danger!. Rather you might be pulled under and unwillingly become depressed yourself, just by being around his negativity too much!.
This is really a tough situation!. You might want to see if such a thing as a psychiatrist/marriage councilor exists, someone you can both talk with about how things are going and that you are thinking of leaving!.
Bottom line, if you need to leave for your own health, then you should just go make your life better!. You can keep tabs on him, but he may make more progress if he sees he's losing you than if you talk all the time and try to help him through!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
hun this is not your fault or your worry!.!.however he needs to go to a dr!. and find the right meds to be on!.!.you can be a friend to him even though you are not married to him anymore!.!.and if he doesnt want o be friends then move with your life and dont let it drag you down!. you are human is why you worry!. he needs to seek help for real!.!.thats not a way to live your life!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Wow, that's really hard!. You have to understand that his life is not your responsibility!. If you want to help him, be frank about his probs and give him a list of resources!. Otherwise, what can you do!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
You have a duty to yourself only!.
There are many places (mental health) that he can get help from!.
You are not responsible - no matter what!.
The first paragraph of yours was perfect!. You must move on, or risk becoming a habitual second string to this person's illness!.
If you must help him, give him the numbers of some local mental health clinics or counselors specializing in his particular problem!. Write them down and leave them near the phone!.
Then walk away and don't look back!.
In time, you will not feel responsible for him - once you get your life back!.
It really is just a bad habit you need to break out of!. You do that by replacing it with something you enjoy that is healthy!.
It would depend on your interests and needs, but get involved in your life!.
It will take care of a lot of the guilt!.
PS; it might also help for you to see a counselor for a little while!. The fact that you got involved with this person to the level that you did implies that you have a deep need to be needed!.
Check out Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More'!. ~ a real life saver and eye-opener!
You are on the right track - don't give up now!
God Bless!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
There are many places (mental health) that he can get help from!.
You are not responsible - no matter what!.
The first paragraph of yours was perfect!. You must move on, or risk becoming a habitual second string to this person's illness!.
If you must help him, give him the numbers of some local mental health clinics or counselors specializing in his particular problem!. Write them down and leave them near the phone!.
Then walk away and don't look back!.
In time, you will not feel responsible for him - once you get your life back!.
It really is just a bad habit you need to break out of!. You do that by replacing it with something you enjoy that is healthy!.
It would depend on your interests and needs, but get involved in your life!.
It will take care of a lot of the guilt!.
PS; it might also help for you to see a counselor for a little while!. The fact that you got involved with this person to the level that you did implies that you have a deep need to be needed!.
Check out Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More'!. ~ a real life saver and eye-opener!
You are on the right track - don't give up now!
God Bless!!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I guess I can understand where everyones coming from with these answers but it kind of hurts because im bipolar what if my boyfriend decides to leave me some numbers by the phone oneday and walk away never looking back like im nothing!? I wonder if he thinks i'm some kind of dead weight!. That makes me not want to be close to anybody people treat you like some sort of project and because your not perfect just dump you and leave =( and write you down some numbers so your someone elses problem!. Thats just great!. When you have this issue or similar ones you really are alone I stumbled across this and this is what people really think your a dead weight thats so hurtful but i guess it doesnt matter how I feel cause i'm just a worry and people need to move on with their lives!. Guess a loved one whose bipolar isnt a real part of your life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You first responsibility is to yourself, and I am being quite blunt about that!. By this I don't mean that you should not dump him, No way!. We all need people in our lives, but then we also need Physical and Emotional stability, You don't have that with him, but then have you ever thought about a relationship with someone other than him, but see if you can be there for him also!. You just cannot keep your life on hold!. And you will have to move on with it!. As for changing him, Well, He's the only one who can do that, and his first step is to see a Dr!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
There are authorities who deal with people who have no one else and noplace else to go!. Eventually they will find him as he will probably sink so low that he will need their help to survive!. Only then will his attitude change and he will be grateful for the help!. At one time I found myself headed for lifetime institutionalization!. I came to terms with it and believed that it wouldn't be so bad after all because I had no one else that wanted to help me!. At least teh Authorities wanted to help and I beleived that I could make the most of any situatoion including loosing my rights and freedom and becoming a ward of the state!. This problem is bigger than you!. You are excused from teh situation!. It is understood that yuo did everything that you could but his only salvation will be to get help from teh authorities and he is headed that way!. Hopefully he will welcome their help and not have a bad attitude!. Go in peace!. You've done everything that yuo can do!. Just remember to pray that he finds the help that he needs!. That may be what saves him!. By the way I learned to cope with the help of the time I got to work things out while I was on teh medication and in my grandparents house and now I don't take medicine and am a wealthy man who can take care of himself and then some!. I am not only physically free, but I am mentally and spiritually free!. The help that I got had it's place in my life and I still have a type of therapy that I do, but it doesn't involve medicines!. It works for me and I am now at teh point where I believe I would be a good catch for any woman that is compatible, and I would make a great husband and father, so those who have mental diagnoses are not without hope!. I have done many times better than those who have never had any kind of diagnoses!.Www@Answer-Health@Com