Could I be going through post traumatic stress or something?!
Question: Could I be going through post traumatic stress or something!?
My life right now is awesome!. I'm 23, I'm in a relationship with the love of my life and I'm happy to see that my son (11 - yes, I had him young) is proud of me progressing and bettering my life after a rough past!. Everything has gotten better and life has completely changed for me over these past, almost 10 years!. But something's definitely not right in my mind and I'm wondering if it could be post traumatic stress or maybe just a whole bunch of emotions just bottled up inside!. Or maybe, could it be that I'm at the wrong place at the wrong time in my life!?
I feel like I need to mention how my life was, first, in order for you all to understand what I'm going through!. I pretty much used to affiliate with gang members, I was a partier, a drinker and a drug user!. On top of that, I'm a bisexual male, who was, at the time, only out of the closet to close family and very few friends, but not to everyone!. The town I've been living in is a small town and everyone knows each other!. Before I decided to change my life, I struggled with battles to be able to fit in and be respected, so I affiliated with gang members, although, I never really claimed to actually "bang!." I just associated with them!. The life I chose to live led to excessive partying, drinking and drug use!. But what really affected me was my sexuality and the anger of my son's mother whom, since he was born, has not supported, or even took the time to see her son all the years of his life, ever!. I was also in a "down low" (secret) relationship with someone (male) who also affiliated with the gang members!. It was a very physically and mentally abusive relationship!. I pretty much lived this kind of lifestyle for 5 years, until one day, I decided that I needed a change!. I up and left without letting anyone know!. I packed my bags and flew myself and my son to a different state to try and start all over!.
After getting back on my feet and completely switching my life around from the way the type of people I hung out with to the type of clothes I wore, unfortunate events have forced me to come back to town, so I flew back and have been living here to present time!. I met this awesome guy who is now my boyfriend and we're pretty much a happy family just trying to get by in life and better ourselves!. Being back in town has kind of caused grievance in my life, but I'm trying my hardest to not let it bring me down!. I never ever want to go back to the lifestyle I used to live!. Here is where I get to my point!. I got a job outside of the town in a town where no one knows me, just to be on the safe side!. But, usually when I'm home on my days off, or after work, I don't want to go out!. I'd rather stay in my house and not go anywhere!. I'm afraid that I will see a lot of people from my past!. Rumor has it that they are not happy about how I left without notice and now I'm back and, from what I hear, people are "hating" and are on the look out for me!. My ex, who I also left without notice, has been trying to get a hold of me, but I'm trying my best to avoid him because he was very possessive and abused me, both physically and mentally!. The only time I will actually go out is when I know I'm with someone who will be able to help me if drama were to pop off!. I try not to let my son go out unless I go out, so he's pretty much with me most of the time, except for when he's at school!. I'm also like this with my boyfriend!. He's also very well-known out here, but I encourage him to keep my name out of his mouth when it comes to him talking to his friends or relatives (He, also, was affiliated with gang members in the past)!. I NEVER go out alone!. I also encourage him to keep our relationship on the down low to people who can potentially be not trusted!. It takes a lot out of me just to make up my mind to whether I should go grocery shopping and run errands!. Most of the time I have other family members do it for me!. But when I actually do have the guts to go out on some days, I'm constantly watching my back, always making sure I'm not being followed when I'm driving and try to be as quick as possible whenever I'm in a store or any public place in general, just so I won't be seen!.
I think that the only way for me to be completely free of all this crap in my life right now is to leave to another town where I can start off fresh!. But it's hard when you're life is pretty established where you're at, when you have an 11 year old son who is just now getting to enjoy his life and making new friends and settling down in one school, and when you have a boyfriend who only knows life in his hometown with a good-paying job and doesn't want to leave!.
Is this post traumatic stress!? What is the best way to cope with all of this!? The only thing that keeps me going day by day is "mind over matter!." I try my hardest to not let it get the best of me, but it's hard!. What should I do!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
I feel like I need to mention how my life was, first, in order for you all to understand what I'm going through!. I pretty much used to affiliate with gang members, I was a partier, a drinker and a drug user!. On top of that, I'm a bisexual male, who was, at the time, only out of the closet to close family and very few friends, but not to everyone!. The town I've been living in is a small town and everyone knows each other!. Before I decided to change my life, I struggled with battles to be able to fit in and be respected, so I affiliated with gang members, although, I never really claimed to actually "bang!." I just associated with them!. The life I chose to live led to excessive partying, drinking and drug use!. But what really affected me was my sexuality and the anger of my son's mother whom, since he was born, has not supported, or even took the time to see her son all the years of his life, ever!. I was also in a "down low" (secret) relationship with someone (male) who also affiliated with the gang members!. It was a very physically and mentally abusive relationship!. I pretty much lived this kind of lifestyle for 5 years, until one day, I decided that I needed a change!. I up and left without letting anyone know!. I packed my bags and flew myself and my son to a different state to try and start all over!.
After getting back on my feet and completely switching my life around from the way the type of people I hung out with to the type of clothes I wore, unfortunate events have forced me to come back to town, so I flew back and have been living here to present time!. I met this awesome guy who is now my boyfriend and we're pretty much a happy family just trying to get by in life and better ourselves!. Being back in town has kind of caused grievance in my life, but I'm trying my hardest to not let it bring me down!. I never ever want to go back to the lifestyle I used to live!. Here is where I get to my point!. I got a job outside of the town in a town where no one knows me, just to be on the safe side!. But, usually when I'm home on my days off, or after work, I don't want to go out!. I'd rather stay in my house and not go anywhere!. I'm afraid that I will see a lot of people from my past!. Rumor has it that they are not happy about how I left without notice and now I'm back and, from what I hear, people are "hating" and are on the look out for me!. My ex, who I also left without notice, has been trying to get a hold of me, but I'm trying my best to avoid him because he was very possessive and abused me, both physically and mentally!. The only time I will actually go out is when I know I'm with someone who will be able to help me if drama were to pop off!. I try not to let my son go out unless I go out, so he's pretty much with me most of the time, except for when he's at school!. I'm also like this with my boyfriend!. He's also very well-known out here, but I encourage him to keep my name out of his mouth when it comes to him talking to his friends or relatives (He, also, was affiliated with gang members in the past)!. I NEVER go out alone!. I also encourage him to keep our relationship on the down low to people who can potentially be not trusted!. It takes a lot out of me just to make up my mind to whether I should go grocery shopping and run errands!. Most of the time I have other family members do it for me!. But when I actually do have the guts to go out on some days, I'm constantly watching my back, always making sure I'm not being followed when I'm driving and try to be as quick as possible whenever I'm in a store or any public place in general, just so I won't be seen!.
I think that the only way for me to be completely free of all this crap in my life right now is to leave to another town where I can start off fresh!. But it's hard when you're life is pretty established where you're at, when you have an 11 year old son who is just now getting to enjoy his life and making new friends and settling down in one school, and when you have a boyfriend who only knows life in his hometown with a good-paying job and doesn't want to leave!.
Is this post traumatic stress!? What is the best way to cope with all of this!? The only thing that keeps me going day by day is "mind over matter!." I try my hardest to not let it get the best of me, but it's hard!. What should I do!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Thank you for sharing your story!. It is a perspective that only a strong person could share and probably survive!.
While I have never lived your life!.!.!.as an outsider looking in, let me offer a few thoughts!.
You sound like you have been strong and relatively smart in recent years!. You sound like you have done what you have to do to survive something that few could!. And you also sound like you have been lucky!.
Gangs are tough crowds!. From what I have heard, I didn't know people could escape them, but you have!. So far!.
To go through what you have and not be scarred!.!.!.is practically impossible!. So it is safe to say that you could have a post traumatic stress disorder or even anxiety issues!. Whether you label it as such is not as important as getting the proper treatment or doing something about it!.
So given you know you can have "panic attacks"!.!.!.consider seeking treatment for them!. It is relatively easy to treat with proper diagnosis!. Sometimes medication is needed sometimes not!. But one of the things that might make the biggest difference is removing the stimulus!.
Even if you didn't have the panicky feelings!.!.!.you describe a hard life!. Hiding from people that could hurt you in a neighborhood filled with a past you do not want to live!.!.!.is not a life at all!. Your son may be comfortable, but he doesn't know yet the life that you provide for him!. He is young!. Same age as you when your life got so mess up in fact!.
Your significant other also doesn't know what he is missing!. He is comfortable!. And from what you said or didn't say!.!.!.he apparently doesn't live in the fear that you do!.
I don't want to tell you what to do because frankly you know!. You took an absolutely rotten situation and turned it around to a success story (certainly the best outcome I could imagine based on your description)!. Now do the same again!.
If you aren't safe or happy!. Then do what you need to do!. Your son will trust you!. Your significant other will understand and follow if it is the right path for him!. What happens if you stay and something awful happens!? You really don't have so many options now do you!?
Good luck!. You have a fine head on your shoulders!. Now use it!.!.!.and take your self to a doctor for medication for the anxiety if you need it!.!.!.but you may be better if you change the place that you live either way!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
While I have never lived your life!.!.!.as an outsider looking in, let me offer a few thoughts!.
You sound like you have been strong and relatively smart in recent years!. You sound like you have done what you have to do to survive something that few could!. And you also sound like you have been lucky!.
Gangs are tough crowds!. From what I have heard, I didn't know people could escape them, but you have!. So far!.
To go through what you have and not be scarred!.!.!.is practically impossible!. So it is safe to say that you could have a post traumatic stress disorder or even anxiety issues!. Whether you label it as such is not as important as getting the proper treatment or doing something about it!.
So given you know you can have "panic attacks"!.!.!.consider seeking treatment for them!. It is relatively easy to treat with proper diagnosis!. Sometimes medication is needed sometimes not!. But one of the things that might make the biggest difference is removing the stimulus!.
Even if you didn't have the panicky feelings!.!.!.you describe a hard life!. Hiding from people that could hurt you in a neighborhood filled with a past you do not want to live!.!.!.is not a life at all!. Your son may be comfortable, but he doesn't know yet the life that you provide for him!. He is young!. Same age as you when your life got so mess up in fact!.
Your significant other also doesn't know what he is missing!. He is comfortable!. And from what you said or didn't say!.!.!.he apparently doesn't live in the fear that you do!.
I don't want to tell you what to do because frankly you know!. You took an absolutely rotten situation and turned it around to a success story (certainly the best outcome I could imagine based on your description)!. Now do the same again!.
If you aren't safe or happy!. Then do what you need to do!. Your son will trust you!. Your significant other will understand and follow if it is the right path for him!. What happens if you stay and something awful happens!? You really don't have so many options now do you!?
Good luck!. You have a fine head on your shoulders!. Now use it!.!.!.and take your self to a doctor for medication for the anxiety if you need it!.!.!.but you may be better if you change the place that you live either way!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
it could be an issue from your drug use, depending on what you used to use!. some issues are NOT mind over matter!. moving to another town isn't necessarily going to "cure" you!. If you can I would suggest seeing a shrink, some have a sliding scale system and you could possibly see one for $60-$80 an hour!. Sounds like alot but if the problem is big enough you have to start thinking about ways to make long term changes!. Panic attacks are rarely mind over matter so this is something you may need Psych help with!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
PTSD is a definite possiblity!. As someone whos been there I can tell you running isn't going to help!. I'm not saying you need to charge in and face your issues, but for the sake of those who care for you and need you, like your son and boyfriend, you can't just pick up and leave!.
Talk to your boyfriend, he can help support you!. Love your son and take care of him, and if you can find a therapist that would help loads!. Mind over matter is actually a good way to start, just take small steps!. Get your boyfriend to take you out more often, go visit your family a bit more, take your son to the park!. If you don't feel comfortable going alone, then don't force yourself to do so, that will only make it worse!. But enlist family and friends you trust to help you!. Instead of sending them to do the errands, go with them!. Don't go from hermit to extrovert in a week, but just make an effort to be around your friends a little more each week!. It's ok if you don't trust everyone, a few close friends you can really trust is much better then a hundred you can't!.
Good luck, and for your son, take it one day at a time!.^^Www@Answer-Health@Com
Talk to your boyfriend, he can help support you!. Love your son and take care of him, and if you can find a therapist that would help loads!. Mind over matter is actually a good way to start, just take small steps!. Get your boyfriend to take you out more often, go visit your family a bit more, take your son to the park!. If you don't feel comfortable going alone, then don't force yourself to do so, that will only make it worse!. But enlist family and friends you trust to help you!. Instead of sending them to do the errands, go with them!. Don't go from hermit to extrovert in a week, but just make an effort to be around your friends a little more each week!. It's ok if you don't trust everyone, a few close friends you can really trust is much better then a hundred you can't!.
Good luck, and for your son, take it one day at a time!.^^Www@Answer-Health@Com
your past is ur past forget it try to be a good human being do what u think is right!. be postive in yr actions, speech be as humble as u can be help others see the same people will then look at u and learn set the ex in yur neighbourhood!. u will be a winner asd rest will be forgottenWww@Answer-Health@Com
I agree with a lot of answers that other yahoo users have given you!. However, I do believe it is not safe to live in the same town as you used to!. Although I am European myself and our cities and towns are relatively safe, I have lived in Akron and I know that the situation in some American cities can be pretty bad!. I believe it is possible for you to see some ''gang members'' and your old boyfriend you used to associate with!. You don't want to be in a situation that would make you feel more vulnerable and be a victim of a revenge!. I suggest talking to your current partner to see if he is willing to relocate again, maybe not too far away!. That way he could keep in touch with his family and friends and you could keep your current job!. I think you need to make some life changes right now and that makes you feel anxious too!. The other option is seeking police's protection in a case you think that is necessary!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You're right, you are at the wrong spot at the wrong time!. I would suggest that you, your son and friend, get around a table, in a restaurant or something, and start talking!. No maybe's,perhaps' if's etc!. Dr Phil says: "if you don't own it you can't fix it!" Running away - from yourself - is not the solution!. Fleeing to another place, town, job will change nothing!. You must decide what is important!. Your son number 1, yourself number 2, (to serve no 1) and your relationship(s)!. Build them up over time, fix them over time and prove to those that you are worth a NEW relationship!. The past is past, can't change anything and if you could the outcome might be worse!. For a 23 year old you have a lot to look forward to!. Just think, most young people do not have mature enough brainpower to work through everything that comes their way!. Mature brains happens from plus/minus 27yrs!. You can start over and repair the damage done sofar!. And get help as and when you feel like it, and can afford it, without damaging your lifestyle (and of those arround you!.)Remember, you are entitled to everything you wish for!. It is a believe and a knowing!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
can you record it and attach the audio/vedio file!?Www@Answer-Health@Com