Should my husband be mad because????!
Question: Should my husband be mad because!?!?!?!?
we're married but I'm still not ready to have sex!.!.!.!.!.because I don't feel comfortable!.!.!.!.because I was violated and abused in the past!?!?!? (and yes he knew about it) sometimes when we get close to going all the way he offers to hold me instead!.!.once I started crying wehn we were about to have sex!.!.!.!.!.!.!.he says as much as he;s dying to make love to me I don't have to do anything I don't want to !.!.!.!.!.!.I just don't want him to get frustrated I can tell it's hard for him sometimes!.!.!. is it ok to still not be ready if I'm married!?!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I'm so sorry for what you have suffered through in the past!. I know what it is like to be there and it's not easy to recover from it, but it is possible!.
You should most definitely try going to a therapist and psychiatrist!.
The psychiatrist will talk to you and probably perform a few diagnostic tests!. He will most likely want to treat you for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that may or may not involve medications!. That is decided by your preferences as well as the doctor's!.
The therapist will talk to you about the events and help you work through them!. They may suggest support groups, books, meditation,etc!. Talking about your experiences my not seem like it will help, but you will be amazed at how much talking about it, receiving feedback on it, and learning from it will do!. You will eventually reach a place where you can forgive the person who abused you and realize that it's not your problem, it's theirs!. They will have to answer for it!.
Being married isn't a cure for what you went through!. It doesn't automatically make it all better!. Your husband needs to be understanding and realize that you will heal sometime in the future and you too will have a wonderful marriage as long as you both are willing to work at making the relationship work!.
(He most likely feels helpless!.!.he knows that you are suffering, but he can't do anything to help!.!.!.but he loves you!. Remember to include him in your therapy!.!.it will help him understand what is going on and make a closer bond between the two of you!.)
Good luck with everything and take gentle care!.!.
P!.S!. Remember: You are not a victim!.!.!.You are a SURVIVOR!Www@Answer-Health@Com
You should most definitely try going to a therapist and psychiatrist!.
The psychiatrist will talk to you and probably perform a few diagnostic tests!. He will most likely want to treat you for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that may or may not involve medications!. That is decided by your preferences as well as the doctor's!.
The therapist will talk to you about the events and help you work through them!. They may suggest support groups, books, meditation,etc!. Talking about your experiences my not seem like it will help, but you will be amazed at how much talking about it, receiving feedback on it, and learning from it will do!. You will eventually reach a place where you can forgive the person who abused you and realize that it's not your problem, it's theirs!. They will have to answer for it!.
Being married isn't a cure for what you went through!. It doesn't automatically make it all better!. Your husband needs to be understanding and realize that you will heal sometime in the future and you too will have a wonderful marriage as long as you both are willing to work at making the relationship work!.
(He most likely feels helpless!.!.he knows that you are suffering, but he can't do anything to help!.!.!.but he loves you!. Remember to include him in your therapy!.!.it will help him understand what is going on and make a closer bond between the two of you!.)
Good luck with everything and take gentle care!.!.
P!.S!. Remember: You are not a victim!.!.!.You are a SURVIVOR!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think you're just too freaked out about it-just relax and focus on foreplay and other things then slowly do it-it's ok for you not to be ready-but it totally is a mental thing-just relax you're with your hubby now!.
You should seek counseling if you aren't already because you don't want to just rule it out altogether!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You should seek counseling if you aren't already because you don't want to just rule it out altogether!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Don't worry about him, but you!.
So far as in bed goes, masturbate him, or let him do it in front of you so at least he gets some relief (he probably is anyway)!.
The counselor will gently guide you to peel back the layers and face the past, forgive, heal and move on from it!. That is one way; another is to go see a Journey Practitioner and fast track it!. It works rather magically well!.
Be patient with yourself!. He has made the commitment to help you through this!. And keep talking it over with your man!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
So far as in bed goes, masturbate him, or let him do it in front of you so at least he gets some relief (he probably is anyway)!.
The counselor will gently guide you to peel back the layers and face the past, forgive, heal and move on from it!. That is one way; another is to go see a Journey Practitioner and fast track it!. It works rather magically well!.
Be patient with yourself!. He has made the commitment to help you through this!. And keep talking it over with your man!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I was going to suggest counseling as well, first on your own and then as a couple!. There's nothing wrong with your marriage!. IT sounds like you've got an amazing and understanding husband!. But until you deal with the abuse it will continue to affect your relationship, and your life as a whole!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think if he REALLY loves you he will wait or give you time!.!.!.if you end up never wanting to do it I guess he'll just have to get over it!. If I was a guy I would probably be really sad about not being able to do so!. But if he knows about your past and knows you are scared of it then he shouldn't pressure you!. He seems to be very supportive of you right now thats a good sign!.
I wish you the best of luck :]Www@Answer-Health@Com
I wish you the best of luck :]Www@Answer-Health@Com
maybe you can do other things, like kissing , hugging, foreplay,
baths together, candle lit dinners and just let it happen when you are ready, there are alot of other ways you can make him happy and show that you love himWww@Answer-Health@Com
baths together, candle lit dinners and just let it happen when you are ready, there are alot of other ways you can make him happy and show that you love himWww@Answer-Health@Com
well you have to try to leave it in the past and trust your husband, he trusted you would come around, and if you never do it youll never be curedWww@Answer-Health@Com
i didnt think he should be mad at you!. i could see frustrated from time to time but it seems llikee he is understanding!. ik you said maybe a councilor would help you!.!.!. they could help you discover maybe some other feelings and help you feel comfortable with the situation!. i have a friend that was raped and ik i talked to her a lot a couple years after but it is something she always needs to talk about with someone and ik 3 years later she still sees someone about it!. it may just be helpful to get ur feelings out there with someone who is a professional and can help you get through this!.Www@Answer-Health@Com