Familial heartache and bipolar?!
Question: Familial heartache and bipolar!?
Well, today, or rather, last night, marks my final break with my family!. The insults, the cursing at me, and the general familial "shame" that I am bipolar are just things that I can no longer deal with!. But at the same time, I am heartbroken!. I feel as though something I loved, but which never loved me, has died!. I know in some way my family loved me, in their own way, in other words, but I finally, after a lifetime of abuse and co-dependency, took my counselor's advice, and broke ties!. How do I deal with this!? I want to disappear, to be gone, to fade to black!.!.!.what help is there for me to help me survive such a huge loss!? I don't mean to whine, but honestly, I just don't think that I have the skills to deal with this!. Any similar experiences!? Any advice!? No mean answers, please; if you haven't got something helpful to say, just don't even bother being mean!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Hi! We have the same name and very similar situation, weird!
I experienced something exactly like that, and technically would say that I am still experiencing the process of it, if that makes sense, the only difference is that it did not include a diagnosis of any kind on my state of mental health!. And that's only because they (the family) refused the idea of me ever talking to anyone!
It started when I was much younger (I'm 20 now)!. I had a great relationship with them until I was 9, when a huge amount of anger started to come from them!. It was really confusing at the time!. Our closeness fell apart little by little!. I took blame for most things that went wrong at the house or between us, even things that I was not aware had happened until the blame was being given!. Name calling, rejection within the home, screaming like!.!.!. as loud as you can ven fathom a person screaming and putting their face inches from mine while doing it!. And the topics they would rant openly about!.!.!. the memories and feeling those things left in me!.!.!. severely unneeded!.
By 14 I was ready to move out, and almost did, but school and sports that I was involved in kept me where I was!. It changed me for a long time!. I was outgoing and confident and happy and artistic but by 14 I just felt like I shell!. I couldn't talk to anyone!. I knew the whole time that it was just something to break out of, but the feeling was heavy and ongoing!.
I held on, becoming at absolute wreck (internally, secretly) and losing my GPA by senior year of high school!. This is when it reached it's peak and I literally had to go to friends' houses a few times to make sure I was around someone, because I was literally nervous that I was a danger to myself at such a low mentality!. I would have loved to disappear like you!. It was the kind of struggle you don't know if you'll get out of because it hit so so so hard for so many years!.
I went away to college and felt like I had escaped but I didn't do very well grade-wise because my mentality was still shattered and no couple weeks of living away was going to mend it!. It doesn't happen that fast!.
By the end of the year I felt a little more alive and almost forgot the magnitude of my negative experience at home!. So I went back for the summer!. Very big mistake!. It threw me right back into the cycle even when I beleived that I could block it out!. I went away again the next year, and improved even more drastically because I never talked to them!. Feud might even be more like it!.
Feeling the best that I'd felt, and the most myself, in years, I beleived that it was in the past!. I spent one semester living there!. Biggest mistake of my entire life -- in the most literal sense possible!. I fell into this thing where!.!.!. and this is going to sound extreme but I'm serious!.!.!. I could not remember how to have fun or feel happy about anything!. I felt pathetic, but looking at it now, I know that it was just the effects of a bad situation!.
So I went to stay with a friend, and the socialization was painstakingly terrible!. Little by little I got used to communicating with them more and smiling and such!. They threw me some parties, wonderful as they are, and one night I finally had fun!. It broke me out a little more!.
But all my friends, the ones who didn't know the exact situation, were still calling me crazy and telling me I couldn't be talked to, was hard to be friends with, and in some cases even that I could not be friends with because of the way that I was!. The whole time I just wanted to yell, this is not me! Give me time!.
I couldn't hang around there forever so I moved away to a place that I am now renting!. Winter was a hard time and I felt alone!. And then this spring came and a few things occurred to me one day!.
I have learned and learned and learned this entire time, despite how horrible it was at some points!. It has driven me to points of severe mental instability and hatred of other people, but it has also driven me to a plethora of new homes and friendships from those who took notice and knew it would be passing if they just showed they cared!.
Listen!.!.!. you will come out a stronger person after you get through this!. I wanted to tell you my whole story because it is the most changing and influencing element in my life, but I am just now discovering the good in the situation, though for years and years I never would have beleived anyone for a second if they told you there was good in it!.
Spend some time with friends that you know will support you, at least for a few weeks or a month!. If you can free yourself from obligation for a little while too, for at least a week, and just RELAX, in any healthy way you can, it will surely benefit you!. Don't give up because you'll find a place that suits you in ways that your home obviously doesn't!. You must want your family to be your family and they are not!.!.!. but find your niche and in time you will have built yourself a family and you'll be comfortable and happy and very very wise after all of this!.
I hope I helped somehow!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I experienced something exactly like that, and technically would say that I am still experiencing the process of it, if that makes sense, the only difference is that it did not include a diagnosis of any kind on my state of mental health!. And that's only because they (the family) refused the idea of me ever talking to anyone!
It started when I was much younger (I'm 20 now)!. I had a great relationship with them until I was 9, when a huge amount of anger started to come from them!. It was really confusing at the time!. Our closeness fell apart little by little!. I took blame for most things that went wrong at the house or between us, even things that I was not aware had happened until the blame was being given!. Name calling, rejection within the home, screaming like!.!.!. as loud as you can ven fathom a person screaming and putting their face inches from mine while doing it!. And the topics they would rant openly about!.!.!. the memories and feeling those things left in me!.!.!. severely unneeded!.
By 14 I was ready to move out, and almost did, but school and sports that I was involved in kept me where I was!. It changed me for a long time!. I was outgoing and confident and happy and artistic but by 14 I just felt like I shell!. I couldn't talk to anyone!. I knew the whole time that it was just something to break out of, but the feeling was heavy and ongoing!.
I held on, becoming at absolute wreck (internally, secretly) and losing my GPA by senior year of high school!. This is when it reached it's peak and I literally had to go to friends' houses a few times to make sure I was around someone, because I was literally nervous that I was a danger to myself at such a low mentality!. I would have loved to disappear like you!. It was the kind of struggle you don't know if you'll get out of because it hit so so so hard for so many years!.
I went away to college and felt like I had escaped but I didn't do very well grade-wise because my mentality was still shattered and no couple weeks of living away was going to mend it!. It doesn't happen that fast!.
By the end of the year I felt a little more alive and almost forgot the magnitude of my negative experience at home!. So I went back for the summer!. Very big mistake!. It threw me right back into the cycle even when I beleived that I could block it out!. I went away again the next year, and improved even more drastically because I never talked to them!. Feud might even be more like it!.
Feeling the best that I'd felt, and the most myself, in years, I beleived that it was in the past!. I spent one semester living there!. Biggest mistake of my entire life -- in the most literal sense possible!. I fell into this thing where!.!.!. and this is going to sound extreme but I'm serious!.!.!. I could not remember how to have fun or feel happy about anything!. I felt pathetic, but looking at it now, I know that it was just the effects of a bad situation!.
So I went to stay with a friend, and the socialization was painstakingly terrible!. Little by little I got used to communicating with them more and smiling and such!. They threw me some parties, wonderful as they are, and one night I finally had fun!. It broke me out a little more!.
But all my friends, the ones who didn't know the exact situation, were still calling me crazy and telling me I couldn't be talked to, was hard to be friends with, and in some cases even that I could not be friends with because of the way that I was!. The whole time I just wanted to yell, this is not me! Give me time!.
I couldn't hang around there forever so I moved away to a place that I am now renting!. Winter was a hard time and I felt alone!. And then this spring came and a few things occurred to me one day!.
I have learned and learned and learned this entire time, despite how horrible it was at some points!. It has driven me to points of severe mental instability and hatred of other people, but it has also driven me to a plethora of new homes and friendships from those who took notice and knew it would be passing if they just showed they cared!.
Listen!.!.!. you will come out a stronger person after you get through this!. I wanted to tell you my whole story because it is the most changing and influencing element in my life, but I am just now discovering the good in the situation, though for years and years I never would have beleived anyone for a second if they told you there was good in it!.
Spend some time with friends that you know will support you, at least for a few weeks or a month!. If you can free yourself from obligation for a little while too, for at least a week, and just RELAX, in any healthy way you can, it will surely benefit you!. Don't give up because you'll find a place that suits you in ways that your home obviously doesn't!. You must want your family to be your family and they are not!.!.!. but find your niche and in time you will have built yourself a family and you'll be comfortable and happy and very very wise after all of this!.
I hope I helped somehow!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My family keeps my diagnosis as quiet as possible, and it is something shameful and disgusting to them!. I am something shameful, disgusting, and incomprendible to them!.
I just leave them out of my life as much as I can!. I live with my parents (I am 17 yo) but they play no role in my psychiatric care or treatment aside from administering my meds (I OD'ed earlier this year!.) I am keeping things civil and being the "good guy " until next year, when I am free to move in with the multitude of other "families" I have gained over the years, who are people who genuinely care and understand!.
Best of luck to you,
AnnaWww@Answer-Health@Com
I just leave them out of my life as much as I can!. I live with my parents (I am 17 yo) but they play no role in my psychiatric care or treatment aside from administering my meds (I OD'ed earlier this year!.) I am keeping things civil and being the "good guy " until next year, when I am free to move in with the multitude of other "families" I have gained over the years, who are people who genuinely care and understand!.
Best of luck to you,
AnnaWww@Answer-Health@Com
It might be best that you leave the situation!. This is not good for your well being!. I think the change will be difficult but very much necessary!. You need to take a proactive approach of the situation!. Be concerned about your MIND BODY AND SPIRIT!. !.!.!.!.!.Calm yourself and put positive thoughts in your mind !.!.!.!. Exercise and eat healthy!.!.!.!.!. you are human and need to get in touch with who you are!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
DBSA has support groups across the country!. I found the one I drop in on through NAMI!. Each one is different, so if you don't think the first is a good fit, try another!. Anyway, you might find some real live ppl who relate and can offer support!.
http://www!.google!.com/search!?sourceid=na!.!.!.
http://www!.google!.com/search!?sourceid=na!.!.!.
Or you can google the same plus your area!.
Sorry you are going thru this!. It's a difficult enough illness even with family support!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
http://www!.google!.com/search!?sourceid=na!.!.!.
http://www!.google!.com/search!?sourceid=na!.!.!.
Or you can google the same plus your area!.
Sorry you are going thru this!. It's a difficult enough illness even with family support!.Www@Answer-Health@Com