What can I live for?!
Question: What can I live for!?
I quit my job to be closer to my family!. Now it's been two months and I cannot find a job!. I'm submitting resumes everyday but hardly any call backs!.My bills are coming up and I cannot pay!. I'm 36, not married, and I don't even have a girlfriend!. I don't have special skills!. I want to go back to school but I have no money!. I can't think straight now!. All of the positive affirmations are not working for me now!. I'm depressed and desperate!. I feel like giving up!. I'm not going to kill myself, but I feel like giving up on life and my dreams just live miserably!. Will words of encouragement help!? I dunno!. My mind is at war telling me to give up and the other part is telling me to fight on!. It's frustrating me!. Any words of encouragement!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I don't have any words of encouragement for you; instead, I have a story to show you that I understand exactly where you're coming from!. Humor me; just keep reading!.
April 2006, I lost my job and had to file for Social Security Disability at the age of 42 ~ I'd gotten to a point where I was too sick to keep working; I was having daily black-outs, and it was only a matter of time before I blacked out behind the wheel driving to/from work!. I was a danger to anyone on the road around me!.
Fortunately, I was approved for Disability on the first try; unfortunately, Social Security changed my Date of Onset (the date they say you became fully disabled) and I had to appeal that decision to get it changed!. I won my appeal easy enough, but where I should have started receiving benefits in October 2006, I didn't start getting checks until January 2007!.
By September 2006, I was having to borrow money from my mother to keep from losing my house, my car, to buy food ~ everything you can imagine ~ and again, at the age of 42!. Talk about feeling like a failure!.
The decision was made for me to move to California to be near my father, as he was getting older and could use the company and the help ~ we figured we could watch out for each other and save on expenses by sharing housing!. I put my house on the market and got ready to move!.
Amazingly, my house sold in 30-days; getting it ready to close cost a ton of money out of closing just to bring it up to code!. The handyman was a horror story of crappy work and no-shows, right up to the last possible minute before closing!. The furnace man actually attacked me in my home and tried to rape me!. Two days after that attack, a winter storm came through that knocked out electricity for 5-days -- no lights and no heat for 5-days just 2-weeks before we were scheduled to close on the house!. Nice touch!.
Eventually we closed, and I loaded up the car with my 3 dogs and set off to drive the 2,000-miles to California by myself ~ my husband had divorced me 2-years earlier!. When I got to California, I discovered my father wasn't the man I thought he was; something was really wrong with him, mentally!. Within 2 weeks of my arrival, he suggested that, when we got our own place, we should share a bed!.
There was no way I could share a house with him after that; it wouldn't be safe for me if my father didn't know he couldn't sleep with his own daughter!. Suddenly, I'm trying to figure out how to afford to live in one of the most expensive markets in the country on Disability checks, which ain't much!. Money went through my hands like water through a screen; what little money I had from the sale of the house was gone in no time!.
It took 9-months, but I finally coerced my father into going to see a Neurologist about his "memory problems"!. He was immediately diagnosed with Mild Dementia; it would take longer to find out what was causing his Dementia!. Near the end of September/beginning of October 2007, we were told my father has Multiple Sclerosis!. His only symptom is something called White Matter Hyperintensities, or Brain Inflammation, which is where the Dementia comes from!. My father's still in denial about his diagnosis, so he still won't accept treatment for his illnesses!. He just keeps getting worse and worse!.
Two weeks after he was diagnosed with MS, it was my turn; I was diagnosed with Cancer ~ it's either Ovarian or Uterine Cancer, we're not sure which - only surgery will tell for sure!. Two days later, my health insurance was cancelled, thanks to my former employer!. Once they found out I had Cancer, they set about getting me terminated from their policy so they wouldn't have to pay for my Cancer treatment!. 19-days later, my car was finally repossessed!.
Did I mention that the month of October 2007 sucked!?
Since then, I've been trying to keep my father and I both well, while trying to fight my Cancer with only Medicaid for health coverage!. I have a $754!.00/month Share of Cost -- that's how much I have to pay towards medical expenses each month before the State of California will pay any of my medical expenses!.
I didn't start Chemotherapy until January 2008 because of my insurance problems, but we may have shrunk the tumors enough so I can now have surgery to remove the Cancer!. I don't know though ~ it turns out my doctor wasn't honest with me in the beginning about how bad my Cancer was, and I may not be able to have surgery after all!. I won't know until next week when I go see the surgeon!. I'm really scared!.
Yet, through all of this, I'm still here and I haven't given up yet!. I want to sometimes, I'm not going to lie to you; there are lots of times I just want to stay in bed with my head under the covers and not move for a couple of days!. But, I don't do it!. I keep plugging away and fighting the good fight!.
Will I ever be able to get my father to accept treatment for his MS and Dementia!? I don't know; I don't even know if I'll be around long enough for my voice to matter in the discussion much longer!. But I'm not going to give up trying to do what's best for him just because I might not be here; while I'm here, I'm going to keep after him to do what's best for himself!.
Will I get better!? I don't know; I'm hoping I will, and that's where my focus is right now, on getting better!. I have to believe I'm going to get well, or it will never happen!. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy!? I don't want to wind up that way because I've allowed negative thoughts to overtake my mind regarding my Cancer!. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!. That's all I can do for now!.
You can get through this, you just have to hang in there and find a reason to keep at it day after day!. Find your own reason, something that means something to you!. Once you have that reason firmly planted in your mind, nothing will stop you from achieving your goal!.
Talk to your family about your finances; tell them where things stand and be honest!. You might have to do something you don't like for a while just to keep some cash flowing, but if that's what it takes, then it's what you will do!. You're strong enough to deal with that -- aren't you!?
I know you're depressed; I know you feel like giving up!. If I haven't given up yet with all I'm facing, you can't quit now either!. Stick with it, believe things will change, then go out and make it happen!. OK!?
I wish you the best of luck!.
MinPinWww@Answer-Health@Com
April 2006, I lost my job and had to file for Social Security Disability at the age of 42 ~ I'd gotten to a point where I was too sick to keep working; I was having daily black-outs, and it was only a matter of time before I blacked out behind the wheel driving to/from work!. I was a danger to anyone on the road around me!.
Fortunately, I was approved for Disability on the first try; unfortunately, Social Security changed my Date of Onset (the date they say you became fully disabled) and I had to appeal that decision to get it changed!. I won my appeal easy enough, but where I should have started receiving benefits in October 2006, I didn't start getting checks until January 2007!.
By September 2006, I was having to borrow money from my mother to keep from losing my house, my car, to buy food ~ everything you can imagine ~ and again, at the age of 42!. Talk about feeling like a failure!.
The decision was made for me to move to California to be near my father, as he was getting older and could use the company and the help ~ we figured we could watch out for each other and save on expenses by sharing housing!. I put my house on the market and got ready to move!.
Amazingly, my house sold in 30-days; getting it ready to close cost a ton of money out of closing just to bring it up to code!. The handyman was a horror story of crappy work and no-shows, right up to the last possible minute before closing!. The furnace man actually attacked me in my home and tried to rape me!. Two days after that attack, a winter storm came through that knocked out electricity for 5-days -- no lights and no heat for 5-days just 2-weeks before we were scheduled to close on the house!. Nice touch!.
Eventually we closed, and I loaded up the car with my 3 dogs and set off to drive the 2,000-miles to California by myself ~ my husband had divorced me 2-years earlier!. When I got to California, I discovered my father wasn't the man I thought he was; something was really wrong with him, mentally!. Within 2 weeks of my arrival, he suggested that, when we got our own place, we should share a bed!.
There was no way I could share a house with him after that; it wouldn't be safe for me if my father didn't know he couldn't sleep with his own daughter!. Suddenly, I'm trying to figure out how to afford to live in one of the most expensive markets in the country on Disability checks, which ain't much!. Money went through my hands like water through a screen; what little money I had from the sale of the house was gone in no time!.
It took 9-months, but I finally coerced my father into going to see a Neurologist about his "memory problems"!. He was immediately diagnosed with Mild Dementia; it would take longer to find out what was causing his Dementia!. Near the end of September/beginning of October 2007, we were told my father has Multiple Sclerosis!. His only symptom is something called White Matter Hyperintensities, or Brain Inflammation, which is where the Dementia comes from!. My father's still in denial about his diagnosis, so he still won't accept treatment for his illnesses!. He just keeps getting worse and worse!.
Two weeks after he was diagnosed with MS, it was my turn; I was diagnosed with Cancer ~ it's either Ovarian or Uterine Cancer, we're not sure which - only surgery will tell for sure!. Two days later, my health insurance was cancelled, thanks to my former employer!. Once they found out I had Cancer, they set about getting me terminated from their policy so they wouldn't have to pay for my Cancer treatment!. 19-days later, my car was finally repossessed!.
Did I mention that the month of October 2007 sucked!?
Since then, I've been trying to keep my father and I both well, while trying to fight my Cancer with only Medicaid for health coverage!. I have a $754!.00/month Share of Cost -- that's how much I have to pay towards medical expenses each month before the State of California will pay any of my medical expenses!.
I didn't start Chemotherapy until January 2008 because of my insurance problems, but we may have shrunk the tumors enough so I can now have surgery to remove the Cancer!. I don't know though ~ it turns out my doctor wasn't honest with me in the beginning about how bad my Cancer was, and I may not be able to have surgery after all!. I won't know until next week when I go see the surgeon!. I'm really scared!.
Yet, through all of this, I'm still here and I haven't given up yet!. I want to sometimes, I'm not going to lie to you; there are lots of times I just want to stay in bed with my head under the covers and not move for a couple of days!. But, I don't do it!. I keep plugging away and fighting the good fight!.
Will I ever be able to get my father to accept treatment for his MS and Dementia!? I don't know; I don't even know if I'll be around long enough for my voice to matter in the discussion much longer!. But I'm not going to give up trying to do what's best for him just because I might not be here; while I'm here, I'm going to keep after him to do what's best for himself!.
Will I get better!? I don't know; I'm hoping I will, and that's where my focus is right now, on getting better!. I have to believe I'm going to get well, or it will never happen!. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy!? I don't want to wind up that way because I've allowed negative thoughts to overtake my mind regarding my Cancer!. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!. That's all I can do for now!.
You can get through this, you just have to hang in there and find a reason to keep at it day after day!. Find your own reason, something that means something to you!. Once you have that reason firmly planted in your mind, nothing will stop you from achieving your goal!.
Talk to your family about your finances; tell them where things stand and be honest!. You might have to do something you don't like for a while just to keep some cash flowing, but if that's what it takes, then it's what you will do!. You're strong enough to deal with that -- aren't you!?
I know you're depressed; I know you feel like giving up!. If I haven't given up yet with all I'm facing, you can't quit now either!. Stick with it, believe things will change, then go out and make it happen!. OK!?
I wish you the best of luck!.
MinPinWww@Answer-Health@Com
I suggest you seek God!. That is my purpose on this earth and the reason why I believe I am living!. Trust me, if you seek help from the higher power and surrender yourself to God without question, you will find the fulfillment you are looking for in life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Deal meth/crack instead of a job, you'll be rich and the girls will be all over you and you'll be able to afford a new car with big shiny rims!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Just Try to always have a positive attitude!. That makes a big difference also I know that you are very frustrated right now but frustration will make things worse!. try a long bath light some candles and try to relax, solutions to your problems will come to you!. You can also try and read some inspirational books or self help books!. I'm not trying to advertise but the book titled The Secret has worked wonders for many people i know including myself!. It just gives you so much motivation and it helps with your self confidence and self esteem!. Try it it wont cost you anything (you can try and find it at your local library ) you wont loose anything by trying it!. Hope this was help full!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
if you give up then you really are going to go nowhere! and it will be even harder to help yourself the longer you wait!. There are so many people out there that im sure want you around maybe you just haven't realized yet!. it sounds cliche but its true! you really have to throw yourself out there!. You said that you moved closer to your family, use them im sure they can help you out!. They must have contacts or something that you can look to for a job and if they are friendly with your family then you have a good chance!. they can put in a good word for you =) try this with friend as well!. What you are doing i great (looking for job) dont give up because they will sense defeat and not eagerness to succeed!. Pretend that ts all good and soon you will believe it and so will everyone around you and you will get places!. And what ever you do dont gamble! Its stupid and you wont recover!. As for a girl once again use your friends and family its what they're there for, to help you out when you need it and vice versa!. get some female advice on appearance, charm etc and ask if theres any goof place to meet girls or if they know any!. just keep trying and remember if you dont try you cant succeed!. You aent alone because there are plenty of people in the same position!. you'll do it and if you ever need to talk or something flick me and email!.
xxWww@Answer-Health@Com
xxWww@Answer-Health@Com