Trouble with my son...?!
Question: Trouble with my son!.!.!.!?
My son is 6 and has adhd!. We got to a point where his behaviour was sound, where he functioned like a normal kid!.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who has helped both my son and me through the trying times!. He has been the more strict figure out of the 2 of us!.
Recently, my boyfriend got a job where he is gone when my son comes home from school!. Children with ADHD don't react well to change, from what I experienced!. My son has been testing me so much, that I don't know what to do!.
For instance, if he is playing his video games, and I tell him it's time for bed (I always give him 10-15 min warnings), he'll combat me at every turn!. He'll say no, he'll scream, he'll roll around on the floor!. I know he is doing this to get a reaction from me, I can see it in his eyes and by the way he waits for me to say something!.
I've tried reasoning with him, explanations, redirection, rewards, punishment, no chances, taking away privileges!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I have a wonderful boyfriend who has helped both my son and me through the trying times!. He has been the more strict figure out of the 2 of us!.
Recently, my boyfriend got a job where he is gone when my son comes home from school!. Children with ADHD don't react well to change, from what I experienced!. My son has been testing me so much, that I don't know what to do!.
For instance, if he is playing his video games, and I tell him it's time for bed (I always give him 10-15 min warnings), he'll combat me at every turn!. He'll say no, he'll scream, he'll roll around on the floor!. I know he is doing this to get a reaction from me, I can see it in his eyes and by the way he waits for me to say something!.
I've tried reasoning with him, explanations, redirection, rewards, punishment, no chances, taking away privileges!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Bedtimes are a common tough time for kids with ADHD!. The combination of medications wearing off, trouble sleeping (which is a common ADHD symptom), and the anxiety of missing what's going on after they are in bed all contribute to a child not wanting to go!.
Here are a few things you can try:
1!. Plan ahead!. When it is not bedtime (and hopefully when your son is willing to talk), talk to your son about the trouble he has been having at bedtime!. Ask him why he thinks he is having problems!. Then create a schedule for the evening that can be posted!. Let him give input into what things he would like to do, and how long things should last!. Kids with ADHD and other disorders often feel out-of-control, and giving him back some sense of control may help him be more responsive!.
Plus, kids are often more insightful than we give them credit for, and he may be able to come up with some good solutions!. For instance, maybe he knows that its tough for him to stop playing video games for bed, but if he played video games earlier, bedtime might be easier!.
When your son starts fighting with you at bedtime, point to the schedule and show him that it is time for bed (you can use clock illustrations so that he can match the time to a real clock)!. Even though your son is only six, he probably uses a similar schedule at school, so he will understand the concept!.
2!. Planned ignoring and positive attention!. While your son screams, rolls around, etc!., continue to calmly prompt him that it is time for bed!. Give him one simple direction (turn off tv) and repeat the direction quietly and calmly throughout his behavior, not correcting or seeming to "notice" his "bad" behavior as long as it is safe!. As you do this, praise any step he makes toward doing what he needs to do, even if he doesn't follow that one direction you gave him (he heads to the stairs instead of turning off the tv)!.
Use phrases like "I'm happy to see you making such a good choice!." As with the routine, letting him know that you are proud of "his" choices will give him the control he is looking for!.
3!. 1, 2, 3 Magic!. This parenting technique works wonders for many kids with ADHD, and may work for you too!. Here is a link for a book about it: http://www!.amazon!.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1!.!.!.
Here is another article about ways to build routine, which may help:
http://www!.additudemag!.com/adhd/article/!.!.!.
Sorry my answer was so long, but as a person who has worked with troubled kids for quite some time, I have more than a few tricks up my sleeve!. You sound like you are a great mom, and I hope trying something new helps!
Good Luck!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Here are a few things you can try:
1!. Plan ahead!. When it is not bedtime (and hopefully when your son is willing to talk), talk to your son about the trouble he has been having at bedtime!. Ask him why he thinks he is having problems!. Then create a schedule for the evening that can be posted!. Let him give input into what things he would like to do, and how long things should last!. Kids with ADHD and other disorders often feel out-of-control, and giving him back some sense of control may help him be more responsive!.
Plus, kids are often more insightful than we give them credit for, and he may be able to come up with some good solutions!. For instance, maybe he knows that its tough for him to stop playing video games for bed, but if he played video games earlier, bedtime might be easier!.
When your son starts fighting with you at bedtime, point to the schedule and show him that it is time for bed (you can use clock illustrations so that he can match the time to a real clock)!. Even though your son is only six, he probably uses a similar schedule at school, so he will understand the concept!.
2!. Planned ignoring and positive attention!. While your son screams, rolls around, etc!., continue to calmly prompt him that it is time for bed!. Give him one simple direction (turn off tv) and repeat the direction quietly and calmly throughout his behavior, not correcting or seeming to "notice" his "bad" behavior as long as it is safe!. As you do this, praise any step he makes toward doing what he needs to do, even if he doesn't follow that one direction you gave him (he heads to the stairs instead of turning off the tv)!.
Use phrases like "I'm happy to see you making such a good choice!." As with the routine, letting him know that you are proud of "his" choices will give him the control he is looking for!.
3!. 1, 2, 3 Magic!. This parenting technique works wonders for many kids with ADHD, and may work for you too!. Here is a link for a book about it: http://www!.amazon!.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1!.!.!.
Here is another article about ways to build routine, which may help:
http://www!.additudemag!.com/adhd/article/!.!.!.
Sorry my answer was so long, but as a person who has worked with troubled kids for quite some time, I have more than a few tricks up my sleeve!. You sound like you are a great mom, and I hope trying something new helps!
Good Luck!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Is he on any bedtime medications!? Talk to his Doctor and get his/her opinion!. There may be more going on than just his reaction to a change in the household routine!. Good luck! kjl
P!.S!. You sound like a great Mom!Www@Answer-Health@Com
P!.S!. You sound like a great Mom!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Try this: At a time when it is NOT near bedtime, take him aside and say " We have had some trouble with bedtime and I am going to help you do better!. I have decided you will get a money reward for each bedtime task you do without a fuss!. You brush your teeth, !.25 cents, change into jammies and put your dirty clothes away properly, !.25 more cents, be in your bed ON TIME, !.50 cents!. The trick is this: If you get out of bed, or throw a tantrum, you pay ME for it!." The kid will probably be able to make sense of this!. He can make a dollar a day by behaving at bed time! You can make it !.25 cents or !.50 cents that he has to pay you for not getting it right, but be sure he knows that you are being fair and 'helping' him!. I used this method with my three oldest and it worked very well!. You can keep track of his earnings/losses on a calendar on his bedroom wall or in the hallway outside his room!. make sure you give him praise and tell him of his progress daily!. It will reinforce his hard work at self control!. Good luck, I hope you get some ideas that can work for you from this answer!. :)Www@Answer-Health@Com
I have a son (17 now) with adhd !.!.!.i took him off meds A LONG time ago!.
The best thing I found is not to give a reaction!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.it's bed time bottom line!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.put him in his room and that's it !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.you can't force a kid to sleep but eventually he'll get the idea!. Also!.!.!.you may want to try hypnotheraphy!. I did for my son last year ---------------- the change is remarkable!. He was a special needs kid in school for ever!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this grades and behaviour are SO MUCH improved (200%) that for his senior year!.!.!.they dont' feel the need to keep him on the program!. Yes, he will have access to counseling and things but it will be at HIS discretion!. I have a friend who's 14 yr old son i bi-polar and she's going to try it for him!.
Good luck to you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
The best thing I found is not to give a reaction!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.it's bed time bottom line!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.put him in his room and that's it !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.you can't force a kid to sleep but eventually he'll get the idea!. Also!.!.!.you may want to try hypnotheraphy!. I did for my son last year ---------------- the change is remarkable!. He was a special needs kid in school for ever!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this grades and behaviour are SO MUCH improved (200%) that for his senior year!.!.!.they dont' feel the need to keep him on the program!. Yes, he will have access to counseling and things but it will be at HIS discretion!. I have a friend who's 14 yr old son i bi-polar and she's going to try it for him!.
Good luck to you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I hate to say this, but ignore his behavior!. When he begins acting out, he is waiting for a reaction out of you!. He is waiting also for you to be strict like your boyfriend is with him!. Maybe you need to find another way of being strict with him, other then just bed time!. Actually it sounds like to me, you are being "too" nice to him for his quality time, so he is expecting more and more "give" on your part!. Does he EARN those NICE times out with you!? Or do you just GIVE them to him without expecting any thing from him FIRST!? Don't let his bed time become a control issue for you, or him!. The 10-15 min!. warning is fine, but what do YOU DO during those 10-15 warning!? LIke do you take the time to read to him, to interact with him by maybe just talking to him, slowing him down with some kind of interaction between the two of you!? You can't expect him to be ready to go "nicely" to bed in 10-15 min!. if he is playing an exciting game, video, or watching exciting stuff on TV!. Have you tried putting on some slow, soft, music during this time, like a "cool down" time!? Maybe your boyfriend doesn't have to do this, but you aren't him!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
What I would do is just be like "Fine, go ahead and stay up as late as you want!." And then, let him!. Let him stay up as late as he wants, and go to sleep whenever he wants!. The next day when he has to wake up and go to school for 7 hours after getting 4 hours sleep he will never want to stay up late again!Www@Answer-Health@Com