Borderline Personality Disorder/How to survive a marriage?!
Question: Borderline Personality Disorder/How to survive a marriage!?
Serious answers please! I was married to an incredible women who suffered from BPD but failed to acknowledge it and therefore refused any form of counsel to help her (me) deal with it!. The rage was unbelievable as were the times of remorse!. It was such a push me pull me relationship every moment of everyday!. I had to be perfect (I am not) and honestly I did not know what to do!. She ended up having an affair which I understand is fairly common with BPD but still crushed me!. I truly loved her (still do) but it became so chaotic and the kids were suffering and we finally divorced last year!. I think of her everyday and miss her but sometimes that makes ME feel like I am crazy because our relationship was a MESS! Why would I miss that! My question: is anyone currently married to a person with BPD!? If so has anything helped!? What do YOU do to help!? How do YOU cope!? How do your kids cope!? Has your spouse acknowledged the issue!? Any info would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Unfortunately you did they best that you could!. your children already kind of lost one parent, and you had to keep them safe!. I work in the field and all you can do is be thankful for the time you have had with her!. BPD is a very hard illness to have never the less deal with on a day to day basis!. Normally they end up where I work and are well taking care of!. But the key is getting help!. and Maybe she could be around her kids more often!. The affair was nothing, so you are right about that, I mean she truly proberly dont even acknowledge that it happened!. I know it hurt you but you can honeslty say that it was to an illness!. You cope by waiting until she finally crashes and is forced to get help!. maybe you can be friends and who knows what the future brings!. your children will cope with you, so always seem happy and talk positively about thier mom if and when they ask about her!. You love her and we dont choose who we love it happened!. Your not crazy your a dad and was a husband who is holding on to your once happiness!. You will always love her and you should!.until there is help she isnt going to be able to be good to anyone especially her family!. You can love her from afar and in time you will heal!. you and the kids need stability, atleast you can have a part of her within your children!. who nows what the future will bring!. I believe sooner than later that we will have cures for mind illnesses!. I would try to find a support group for people who have gone thru similar situations like this!. You and other people need support due to being a single parent now, losing your wife/husband to this illness and learning how to heal could come from others who are willing to give thier advice from when thier world was upside down!. Try your local church, or go on line and look for groups in your area!. I give you alot of credit and I will keep you in my prayers!. Just be thier for your children and when they are older and need deeper details, go to family therapy and maybe this will help all of you be able to move on and allow your children to not be afraid of life, or getting an disorder like thier mom!. peace be with you and your familyWww@Answer-Health@Com
BPD is addressed in section 15, of my website, at http://www!.ezy-build!.net!.nz/~shaneris Read "I hate you: don't leave me"!. Then give to her, and urge her to seek the DBT shown in section 15!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Hi pg!.!.!.!.
As some of the others have said, being married to someone with bpd is the best of times and the worst of times!.!.!. and it is very hard to get over!. My exh was never diagnosed, but the "shoe fit", and our marriage was tumultuous and difficult!. the rage, the blaming, the ups and the downs, the affairs, take a terrible toll on the partner and any children caught in the crossfire!.
As to why you might miss that, you might look at such concepts as traumatic bonding, intermittent reinforcement and the Stockholm Syndrome!. Here is a link to a very active, well-run site that discusses many issues pertaining to living with and/or leaving a marriage with someone with bpd!.!. The specific link points to a Workshop that discusses the concepts of Intermittent Reinforcement and the Stockholm syndrome as they pertain to being married to or involved with someone with bpd!. http://www!.bpdfamily!.org/index!.php!?topic!.!.!.
Another link from that site about addictive relationships, and relationships with those with bpd usually have addictive qualities: http://www!.bpdfamily!.org/index!.php!?topic!.!.!.
If the person with bpd is not interested in getting help (or won't admit to any problems), the non partner must concentrate on becoming emotionally healthy, erecting boundaries, perhaps just taking the good and ignoring the bad!. I didn't cope well when I was in the relationship (I didn't know about bpd until I was out!.) I did learn not to respond to the silent treatment, but when my exh started to embark on an affair, I walked!. My exh only acknowledged that he was depressed!. His problems were much, much deeper!.
Anyway, you may find the active, supportive discussions at www!.bpdfamily!.com and www!.bpdfamily!.org very helpful!.!.!. There are people there still in the relationship, and people out of the relationship, but still trying to retrieve themselves!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
As some of the others have said, being married to someone with bpd is the best of times and the worst of times!.!.!. and it is very hard to get over!. My exh was never diagnosed, but the "shoe fit", and our marriage was tumultuous and difficult!. the rage, the blaming, the ups and the downs, the affairs, take a terrible toll on the partner and any children caught in the crossfire!.
As to why you might miss that, you might look at such concepts as traumatic bonding, intermittent reinforcement and the Stockholm Syndrome!. Here is a link to a very active, well-run site that discusses many issues pertaining to living with and/or leaving a marriage with someone with bpd!.!. The specific link points to a Workshop that discusses the concepts of Intermittent Reinforcement and the Stockholm syndrome as they pertain to being married to or involved with someone with bpd!. http://www!.bpdfamily!.org/index!.php!?topic!.!.!.
Another link from that site about addictive relationships, and relationships with those with bpd usually have addictive qualities: http://www!.bpdfamily!.org/index!.php!?topic!.!.!.
If the person with bpd is not interested in getting help (or won't admit to any problems), the non partner must concentrate on becoming emotionally healthy, erecting boundaries, perhaps just taking the good and ignoring the bad!. I didn't cope well when I was in the relationship (I didn't know about bpd until I was out!.) I did learn not to respond to the silent treatment, but when my exh started to embark on an affair, I walked!. My exh only acknowledged that he was depressed!. His problems were much, much deeper!.
Anyway, you may find the active, supportive discussions at www!.bpdfamily!.com and www!.bpdfamily!.org very helpful!.!.!. There are people there still in the relationship, and people out of the relationship, but still trying to retrieve themselves!.Www@Answer-Health@Com