Is it ok to leave my mentally ill husband?!
Question: Is it ok to leave my mentally ill husband!?
My husband has severe panic and depression disorders that he has seen several doctors for!. We have been married almost 20 years and it is getting worse!. He took over 20 xanax today and drove to a store!. I got a call at work to come get him as they took his keys(thank goodness!) but i missed my 5 year old's kindergarten graduation!.He was a MESS when i got there!. I took him to ER and they had him sleep it off!. We received notice that we lost our insurance for this month as he did not work enough due to a blood clot in his lung he was hospitalized for!. losing his insurance set him off!. He keeps telling me to divorce him!. He has been on and off ill with this for over 10 years and he has been on medical leave after medical leave!.I truly believe in the sacraments of marriage, but I am really having a hard time seeing the light at the end of this one!. i am exhausted and I feel my kids need me and I am tired of mothering a 43 year old man who really won't help himself!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I, unfortunately, completely relate to your situation!. The problem isn't necessarily the mental illness, it's about the abuse of medication!. Not only does he need professional help, but YOU do, too!. You've been trying to handle this all on your own and it's wearing you down!. Please get some counseling so you will have the tools and strength you need for whatever decision you make!.
Also, he either needs to apply for disability so he can at least bring some money into the house and look for part time work to keep him semi-occupied, or he needs to admit he should be in rehab!. I'm really strongly suggesting rehab!. If he were on a very strict regimen of meds for his anxiety and depression, he would be getting better instead of worse!. He needs intensive counseling, as well!.
Having said all that - it's still a tough choice!. You might consider this: separate from him legally and live in a different home, away from him!. He might spin out, but it will either cause him to get help voluntarily or you and his family can have legally have him hospitalized for his own safety and the safety of others!. The most important thing besides his health is the safety of you and your child(ren)!. He's probably not much of a father to them and is obviously a terrible influence!. There's no saying you have to divorce him - you can leave that open and force him to make a decision - get help or you won't be coming back!.!.!.ever!.
I would like to pray for you, if you don't mind!. I am going through a VERY similar experience, only I've only been with my husband for only 4 1/2 years and my son is an adult!.!.!.also with a mental illness!. It's been hard to get through things!.!.!.but I just take it day by day!. That's all you can do, really!. Get through today and make some arrangements to get out if he leaves you with no other choice!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Also, he either needs to apply for disability so he can at least bring some money into the house and look for part time work to keep him semi-occupied, or he needs to admit he should be in rehab!. I'm really strongly suggesting rehab!. If he were on a very strict regimen of meds for his anxiety and depression, he would be getting better instead of worse!. He needs intensive counseling, as well!.
Having said all that - it's still a tough choice!. You might consider this: separate from him legally and live in a different home, away from him!. He might spin out, but it will either cause him to get help voluntarily or you and his family can have legally have him hospitalized for his own safety and the safety of others!. The most important thing besides his health is the safety of you and your child(ren)!. He's probably not much of a father to them and is obviously a terrible influence!. There's no saying you have to divorce him - you can leave that open and force him to make a decision - get help or you won't be coming back!.!.!.ever!.
I would like to pray for you, if you don't mind!. I am going through a VERY similar experience, only I've only been with my husband for only 4 1/2 years and my son is an adult!.!.!.also with a mental illness!. It's been hard to get through things!.!.!.but I just take it day by day!. That's all you can do, really!. Get through today and make some arrangements to get out if he leaves you with no other choice!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
this is a tough one!. While I don't feel the kids should be in this situation I don't feel it is a good situation to leave your husband in!. I think he should be admitted somewhere to a mental hospital!. I don't think you should divorce him but it isn't a good situation for your kids to be in!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
if hes not doing his part to keep your marriage happy then give him the ultimatum of getting help or else you will divorce him!.!. that's still giving him a choice in the matter and stick to your guns if he doesn't get help pack up your kids and go!.!. good luck HunWww@Answer-Health@Com
NO that would be breaking your sacred marriage vows: "for better or worse IN SICKNESS & in HEALTH!!!!! Try prayer & NOT giving up & abandoning the father of your children & the man you promised to love & honor!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Tough question!. He sounds like he is a difficult man to deal with, and is probably just waiting for God to take him!. I feel for both of you!. I don't really know what to tell you!. Both choices are hard, but divorce would help you free yourself!. My parents divorced and it was hard on me, but it is far from the end of the world!. So pray about what God wants you to do!. Talk with your pastor/priest and see what advice they can give!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
your kids should come first i mean your husband needs to go to a nursing home where he can be watched etc!. and be given the righ dose of meds not overdosing etc!. you dont have to divorce him becuase it might be a bit hard on the little baby you have who is in kindergarden i could understand if she/he was older but you can just be there for him as much as possible if your not in love with him anymore then leave him because your just hurting yourself maybe its time to be happy again! he needs to be doing his part to tho because im sure it is super overwhelming taking after a 40 something year old who acts like a teen!. you guys need to comprimise and meet eachother half away and most of all communicate! he can only help himself you can encourage but if he really wants to change then he needs to push himself and kick his self in the azz and you leaving work i mean im sure it is only your income supporting the family and that would not be cool if you lost your job so try n find some nursing homes etc!. take care God Bless and best of luck xo LanaWww@Answer-Health@Com
He needs help and it sounds like he might be ready to get it!. He could go in and commit himself for a 72 hour evaluation, then maybe they could get him on the right meds!. That is if he is willing!.
You do need to think of yourself and the children, that is for sure!.!.!. but is there a chance that he might hurt himself or others!?
Try to get him help!.!.!.again and then take some alone time to pray and figure out what you need to do!. No one could fault you for leaving him!.!.!. after all, you have dealt with this for more than ten years!.
I wish you the bestWww@Answer-Health@Com
You do need to think of yourself and the children, that is for sure!.!.!. but is there a chance that he might hurt himself or others!?
Try to get him help!.!.!.again and then take some alone time to pray and figure out what you need to do!. No one could fault you for leaving him!.!.!. after all, you have dealt with this for more than ten years!.
I wish you the bestWww@Answer-Health@Com
i have a similar condition mentally and the only person i can count on is my wife!. every time i stumble she is aleays there to pick me up and get me back on track, making sure i get to appointments take meds etc!.
mental illness is a major strain on any relationship but you can only do so much for him, he needs to be willing to take on some responsiblity himself to seek help an maintain himself tho so!.!.!.!.
talk to him , tell him how your feeling and what your needs and desires are and what you want/need from the marriage to keep it going!. see where things go from there!.
he's in a self destuctive state of depression but you have to look out for number one and your kid(s) above all else as he cant at this point!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
mental illness is a major strain on any relationship but you can only do so much for him, he needs to be willing to take on some responsiblity himself to seek help an maintain himself tho so!.!.!.!.
talk to him , tell him how your feeling and what your needs and desires are and what you want/need from the marriage to keep it going!. see where things go from there!.
he's in a self destuctive state of depression but you have to look out for number one and your kid(s) above all else as he cant at this point!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Well its pretty sorry to consider leaving, now is when he needs you most, i know you said this has been going on for years but if you love him or if you think you would love him if he was well then you need to get tough and make a stand for him when he may seem to know whats going on but just want do anything to help himself when in fact he is really in need of help and you need to make that happen!. The light at the end of the tunnel is you and him still being together at the end of the tunnel whether the light is there or not!. If you need some thing to look forward to other than him getting well then you are in it all for the wrong reasons anyway!. Nobody said being married was going to remain yummy the whole time!. Remember this with every extreme high comes and extreme low!. Get his thinking and lifestyle organized in such a way that minimizes stress and drama!. This is easier said than done!. And this can not be justified within a paragraph!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I have no idea what you are going through, but I agree with you wanting to hold onto your marriage, and think you should stick to it!. Plus, your kids need their dad as much as you!. Also, later in their life, your kids will respect you for staying with him and understand why sometimes mom couldn't be there!.
Is he able to be a dad despite his illness!? = stay
Are you or your kids in danger because of him!? = leave
Him saying for you to divorce him is likely an emotional reaction to his frustration, so I wouldn't take that seriously unless he actually is the one to get the paperwork started!.
The fact that it isn't controlled better has me concerned!. When was the last time you tried a new specialist!? A year or more!? Might be time to try a new doc!.!.!.
Does he say why he won't help himself!?
Does he have enjoyable activities to do after work and on weekends!?
Does he have goals!?
I'm sorry you are having to go through this, and wish things get better for you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Is he able to be a dad despite his illness!? = stay
Are you or your kids in danger because of him!? = leave
Him saying for you to divorce him is likely an emotional reaction to his frustration, so I wouldn't take that seriously unless he actually is the one to get the paperwork started!.
The fact that it isn't controlled better has me concerned!. When was the last time you tried a new specialist!? A year or more!? Might be time to try a new doc!.!.!.
Does he say why he won't help himself!?
Does he have enjoyable activities to do after work and on weekends!?
Does he have goals!?
I'm sorry you are having to go through this, and wish things get better for you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
wow, that's a tough one!. Really though, i feel as if you have to think of yourself and your child first!. Do you want you child to grow up thinking this is a way to act!. I understand it is an illness but traits can be brought out by things and kids imitate and learn what they see!. Have you all had counseling!? I'm assuming you probably have!. I myself had been pretty depressed previously, among other things!. I actually pushed my husband hard to leave me!. really i didnt think i was good enough and just made myself worse!. we began to talk to someone we found that we were both comfortable with!. It helped to have a mediator to talk with us together as well as separately!. I could hear what he said without thinking it was criticism!. i was opened to new ways of thinking!. We are doin pretty good now but it was rough for a while!. There is no excuse for taking that many xanax though, for any reason!. That is a call for help to me!. You cant fix him tho, he has to really want it, all you need is to be there to support him if he's willing to try!. Weigh the benefits!. i know it sounds harsh but make a list of your pros and cons of staying!. consider it and see what feels right for you AND your children!. IF you leave, it doesnt have to be permanent, maybe a wake up call is needed!.Www@Answer-Health@Com