Is this really significant?!


Question: Is this really significant!?
When I was about 3 years old i was fondeled sexually by a family member, that's all that happened and it only happened once!. My question really is, is that significant or just something to forget about, in comparison to what happen to other kids regarding abuse what happened to me was nothing!

I think one if my main problems was I linked in this incident with playing "doctors" with my friend around that age or touching myself and it made me feel like i was the most disgusting child that ever walked the earth!. i still feel if i tell someone that they would be revoluted by me!.!.!.I still feel like i was just the most evil, dirty, perverted, disgusting child ever for these things!.

i do have apsychiatrist, gp, key worker etc, i have told people in the past and am currently trying to tell another professional!.!.!.i just fear how others will know how horrible i am when i tell them!.
please don't give rude answers!. i found it hard enough to say this!.!.!.extremely!.
thanksWww@Answer-Health@Com


Answers:
First off: it's NOT your fault!. Don't ever let that thought stroll through your mind!. When you're young you can't control everything around you and you're still experiencing new things!.

How old was this family member!? If it was an adult then I'd say to stay away as much as you can from this person!. Not any normal being would want to "fondle" a child of three years old!. Only perverted people would be up for that, and it's something that should never of happened!.

Playing "doctors" when you're young is more common than you think it is!. It happened with me and, like you, I felt disgusted by what was going on!. But you were just a child and we all like to experiment or what-not at that age!. It's natural!. It just isn't natural if it goes further than "doctors"!.

I found when I was growing older that I became more disgusted by myself of what happened years ago and thought I was "unnatural"!. If you're likewise, please put into mind what I mentioned above!. It's doing you no good pondering over it!. But do stay away from this family member!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

This is NOT your fault!.
This was a situation which was out of your control!.
Touching yourself does not make you dirty, Disgusting or perverted!
But however much counciling and how ever many people tell you this, if you believe you were disgusting then no-one can help!. You might think your experience was just Minor compared to others but many other don't have anything like that happen to them!. You need to learn how to forgive, and forgive yourself! even thou you've done nothing wrong!

Good Luck :)Www@Answer-Health@Com

First all, its not your fault what happened!. And discovering the sexuality with other children it is very normal!.
Second, if it still boring you got deep in this question with your therapist or change him for another or of the therapy!.
But always remember not have any reason you feel dirty or perverted!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

I'd say thats significant and people who judge you harshly for it are simply not worth it!.

about all the times when you felt bad, thats not your fault, the human mind has this thing which links certain activities to traumatic memories!. you should probably tell a member of your family before the pain and worry will fully go away!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Yes its significant because it still plays on your mind!.

You have done nothing wrong and it was not your fault!.
It is family member who is in the wronng!.

I hope one day you learn to deal with this difficult part
of your life!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

I am so sorry to hear about your torment, but do not torture yourself!. The worst problem to arise from the incident is the fact that you will never forget it!. You can put it aside and accept that it is in the past, but it has shaped your future!. You don't say how old you are, but I know from experience that you will as a mother watch your children for signs and will constantly be aware that this is a very real problem that could happen to them!. Your life will always be more alert to the dangers for children because of your experience and if you look at this positively like I have it will not haunt you!. You will know that you have kept your children safe because you know what to look for!. So make something positive come out of a tragedy that happened to an innocent child!. I was about the same age as you when the grandfather of my cousin 'touched' me where he shouldn't and I am now 56 yrs old!. It has made me able to protect my children without them knowing it!. So for that I can thank him even though I will never forgive him for what he did to me, and even worse, when I tried to tell people they just shushed me up!.
Hope this helpsWww@Answer-Health@Com

if you are still bothered by the person fondeling you then it is significant!.

children who play doctor are not disgusing!. i would say they are very normal!. something is new it feels good/ different!.

i have 2 children!. my 19 month old son plays with himself all the time!. instead of reacting to it i ignore it!. i feel that al ot of people take normal situations and make them a bad thing!. it is not bad to touch yourself!. you are not evil, dirty or perverted!.

it is bad when an adult touches a child!. even if it was just once

i am glad you are getting help!. :) if there is something you are afraid to tell a doctor then write it in a note!. tell them !.!.!.!.
this is what happened!. this is how i feel!. sometimes it is easier than having to say it!.

again you have done nothing wrongWww@Answer-Health@Com

Cognitive therapy says that you cannot change what has happened, but you can change the way you think about it!. You are framing your thoughts around an event that you had no control over, and around natural curiosity in children into something wicked and evil!. When you think of these incidents, you need to recognize that what happened with the adult, you had not responsibility for and therefore no need to feel guilty!. As for playing dr and touching yourself, everybody has these experiences and feelings!. They are natural, and only made perverted by society!. When you go out, watch small children, and you will always see small children with their hands in their pants!. You have no need to feel sorrow or guilt!. You are projecting your feelings onto other people, who most likely do no believe these events to be anything to be guilty aboutWww@Answer-Health@Com

If you can let it go , then try, but it sounds like it IS significant because YOU are feeling bad about it and it IS still affecting you today!. You can compare it to others all you like and you will hear about worse things happening to other kids when they were young but, the key thing here is how it is affecting YOU!. We all deal with things in different ways and you have to keep trying and talking to people until you can allow you to heal yourself!. YOU are NOT horrible at all!. How can you be!?You were a kid, kids are NOT horrible or bad!. It's the adults that are horrible, the ones that do these things to us!. You'll be alright, just keep talking till it does not hurt you so much anymore!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

It's the person who has done this who should absorb and contain the feelings you describe!.

You have sought professional help, so you have in some measure solved it entirely - it is now openly discussed, yet you still have those feelings!. You are going to be successfully contending with the matter when the image of such a thing doesn't relate to your experience - it is not an isolated incident and as you say, far worse things have happened - so it is not ideally the right direction to take and the instance of those feelings occuring is somethng you may not so much control as convert with diversions that illustrate quite clearly - you do not see it happening if you stay focussed and beyond the memory's reach of your chosen & preferred 'moment in time'!. In essence you will not let the memory from the past affect you here in the present if it has such a negative impact on your life!.

!.!.!.and best of all, when you have the most satisfying answer that enables the transition - it will not be hard and you will only have to tell yourself how easy it is to be your happy fulfilled self in order to retain that place and occupy it!.

Someone on Xanga in FQ's chatboard asked
"How do you treat yourself after a finishing a difficult task!?"
to which I responded;
"Easy!"

!.!.!.and I think generally speaking that's the aim across a broad spectrum of all life's issues & affairs!.

Please do not feel isolated and prone with these feelings, it is like terrorising a three year old and exacerbating how scared and sullied it already feels in those circumstances!.Www@Answer-Health@Com





The consumer health information on answer-health.com is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Categories