I can't let go of the past?!
Question: I can't let go of the past!?
When I was 13, I watched my Dad die right in front of me!. My Mum then started beating me and my siblings - she was a violent alcoholic and made my childhood hell!. My son, Nathan, was born when I was 17 years old!. At this point I was a selfish, immature heroin addict!. His mother left us two weeks later and I was made a single Dad!. I fought for years to get clean and developed schizophrenia, depression and PTSD!.
I'm now twenty years old, clean and Dad to three children!. I have recovered from my depression and am on pills for schizophrenia!. Nathan (3) suffers from leukemia and the doctors say that it is not looking good!. I can't come to terms with it - Nathan was my whole inspiration to get clean and I love him more than anything!. I can't bear the thought of him going, I fear I will blame myself!.
I have lost my Dad, best friend and now fear I will lose Nathan!. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate because I'm terrified of him dying!. I blamed myself for all these deaths, how do I let it go!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm now twenty years old, clean and Dad to three children!. I have recovered from my depression and am on pills for schizophrenia!. Nathan (3) suffers from leukemia and the doctors say that it is not looking good!. I can't come to terms with it - Nathan was my whole inspiration to get clean and I love him more than anything!. I can't bear the thought of him going, I fear I will blame myself!.
I have lost my Dad, best friend and now fear I will lose Nathan!. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate because I'm terrified of him dying!. I blamed myself for all these deaths, how do I let it go!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
My background of abuse at home is similar to yours, as is the fact that I had my first child at 17!. Then 13 years later I had a daughter, Terra, and she was diagnosed with retinal blastoma (eye cancer) Seeing the same way as you do about being responsible for Nathan's cancer would be a bad way to let him go on to the next level, don't you see!? Why did I keep my faith and never blame anyone during all the times that we had to be in hospitals and around the sicknesses, how did I find the strength to carry on when after her cancer was gone her father got in a car wreck and she was killed!? I didn't!. At that point I completely went into denial and self-destruction!. I was living on the streets and always working towards the next drug-induced coma and then one day I just got a lucky break!. I know how bad you feel but Nathan is not gone yet!. Give him the gift of letting it be okay for him to move on, because you will possibly prevent his spirit from leaving out of his guilt for how you feel!. Be the dad- I know that you are young but you have seen more atrocities of human behavior and more injustice, so really you are older than your years!. I see no feeling of self-pity evidenced in this question but more of a weight that you can't carry but can not find a safe place to put down!. So just give yourself a break and enjoy your kids, do your best by them no matter what and then you will feel better even at the most painful times to come!. Have a little time every day just to do something FUN with Nathan- it is a proven fact that laughter is a great booster for the immune system!. Miracles don't happen unless you feel ready and worthy of them, and your son is probably both! Do him justice and let go not of the past-that is just the lessons that help you to grow in wisdom- but of the ANGST and what it is doing NOW!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You cant concern yourself on what was, you need to act on what is!. think about what can you do to make your sons life meaningful and show him that you are there for him!. you need to show him how much you love him and need him in your life!. do all you can as a parent and be proud of the accomplishments you made in your life for your childeren because if you didnt really care for your child you would have never made such a change in your lifeWww@Answer-Health@Com
Don't let go of Nathan yet! He's not even gone! He needs you more than ever right now!. A little baby or not, positivity works wonders!. Keep your spirits up even though I imagine that seems impossible right now!. You really should get some sort of counseling to deal with your previous losses!. Death and dealing with dying is not an easy task but it's part of life!. Congrats on getting clean and sober!.!.!.stay that way for your other two children! Take care and best of luck!Www@Answer-Health@Com
You should talk to a counselor, that would be the best thing to help you let it go!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think your question is 'how do i let go of the feelings of blaming yourself of your family members' deaths!?'
Most people blame themselves because use those feelings to keep them from dealing with other deeper feelings!. That is, these blaming feelings are a symptom of an unresolved issue!.
Often it seems easier to harm ourselves than to deal with some deep-seeded emotional issue!.
I believe the way one harms oneself is a clue to what that deep-seeded emotional issue is!. Just a clue, not necessarily a direct link to the issue!.
I would explore it!. Take out some paper and write "I wrongfully blame myself because!.!.!." and keep writing!.!.!.don't worry about what you are writing, but stay on that subject!.!.!.no pauses!.!.!.don't pick up the pen from the paper except to write the next letter or go to the next line!. Do this for five whole pages!. This exercise allows layers of emotion to parade past your mind!.
In addition to this, of course, continue seeing a psychologist or counselor!. In fact, run my idea by this person before doing it!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Most people blame themselves because use those feelings to keep them from dealing with other deeper feelings!. That is, these blaming feelings are a symptom of an unresolved issue!.
Often it seems easier to harm ourselves than to deal with some deep-seeded emotional issue!.
I believe the way one harms oneself is a clue to what that deep-seeded emotional issue is!. Just a clue, not necessarily a direct link to the issue!.
I would explore it!. Take out some paper and write "I wrongfully blame myself because!.!.!." and keep writing!.!.!.don't worry about what you are writing, but stay on that subject!.!.!.no pauses!.!.!.don't pick up the pen from the paper except to write the next letter or go to the next line!. Do this for five whole pages!. This exercise allows layers of emotion to parade past your mind!.
In addition to this, of course, continue seeing a psychologist or counselor!. In fact, run my idea by this person before doing it!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
First of all I am very sorry to hear this about your son!. You've had very hard, please don't blame yourself, it looks like you been dealt some of the toughest situations I could ever imagine!. I would hope you have friends and family support along w/ some counseling!. Depression is something I can relate to as I lost most of the last 20 yrs!. to it!. Finally got treatment!.I don't know if you are on medication, but maybe that might help a little bit, although nothing will give total relief from this situation!. I share your fear and will pray for your son!.
God speedWww@Answer-Health@Com
God speedWww@Answer-Health@Com
You just got to try to move on like play a game or do a word puzzle just do stuff that you like most and that should get your mind off of it have fun!.Www@Answer-Health@Com