Why cant i get close to someone and let someone get close to me?!
Question: Why cant i get close to someone and let someone get close to me!?
Long story short, been in an abusive relationship and am trying desparately to break out of the anger and hurt and regain my trust again for anybody; friends, family, even strangers!. I hate being like this cuz its sooo not me!. I want to connect with people desparately, what is wrong with me still, how can i let someone get close and i myself get close to other people!?!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Robin,You've been in some bad relationships!. These experiences has left you broken hearted and disillusioned!. You've trusted these people and many of them have let you down!. Which leads you to thinking that you can't trust anyone anymore!. There is nothing wrong with you,Believe me!. You just need some time to find some friends!. And let them know that you will only be friends with them only if they can be honest with you!. Don't give in too soon!. Allow them a chance to meet you!. And then if and when you feel you can trust them,Confide in them!. If you need some time alone,You take it!. You need to find peace in yourself!. I'd like to help you if I may!. My name is David and it is an honor to meet you!. Hon,I am so sorry that there's been people that have broken your heart in the past!. Our hearts can be so fragile sometimes!. One person comes into our lives,We fall in love with them,But then they leave us brokenhearted!. I can give you some good news!. Hearts can heal!. In time,Our hearts will heal so we will love again!. I'm taking a risk right now and tell you first hand that I like you alot and I care very deeply about you!. I may not know you,But I'd like to improve on that if I may!. You don't have to open up right away!. You let me make the first move!. I'll show you how you learn to trust again!. If you are all for this,I'd be ever so grateful!. And if you have alittle doubt,That's alright!. You are a sweet,Passionate,Special,Unique person!. May I add that I am 31 and single!. What can I do to help you trust you again!? Whatever it is,I will do and more!. You are worth taking the risk!. There is something so right in you!. And in order for me to find it,I might need to attempt to get inside!. I'll be your friend!. I've gotta split now!. I hate to do this,But I must!. :( It's getting late and I am feeling sleepy!. You have a goodnight and God bless!. Bye for now!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My daughter (20) saw a counselor (took a while to find one that really helped her)!. She discovered that all my spanking and yelling at her as a child was "abuse" and that this is why she allowed herself to get into several very abusive relationships with young men (can not go into detail)!. She is doing much better!.!.!. I feel like crap!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You just need time, and a very patient kindhearted partner and/or friends!. Avoid repeating the abuse pattern, buy some self help books!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Welcome to the world of the socially anxious!.
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today!. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given year!. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors!. In fact, people with social anxiety are misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time!. People with social phobia come to our anxiety clinic labeled as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically depressed", "panic disordered", and "personality disordered", among other damaging misdiagnoses!.
Because few socially-anxious people have heard of their own problem, and have never seen it discussed on any media, such as the television talk shows, they think they are the only ones in the whole world who have these terrible symptoms!. Therefore, they must keep quiet about them!. It would be awful if everyone realized how much anxiety they experienced in daily life!. Then what would people think about them!? Unfortunately, without some kind of education, knowledge, and appropriate treatment, social phobia/social anxiety continues to wreak havoc throughout their lives!. Adding to the dilemma, when a person with social anxiety finally gets up the nerve to seek help, the chances that they can find it are very, very slim!.
Making the situation more difficult is that social anxiety does not come and go like some other physical and psychological problems!. If you have social anxiety one day!.!.!.!.!.!.you have it every day for the rest of your life!.!.!.!.!.
The feelings I described to you at the beginning of the article are those of people with social anxiety disorder!. That is, their symptoms apply to most social events and functions in almost every area of life!. I suffered from social anxiety myself for twenty years before I ever saw the term or read about its symptoms in a book!. (The first book that specifically dealt with social phobia was not published until the 1990's!.)
As with all problems, everyone with social anxiety has slightly different secondary symptoms!. Some people, for example, cannot write in public because they fear people are watching and their hand will shake!. Others are very introverted and they find it too difficult to hold down a job!. Still others have severe anxiety about eating or drinking in the presence of other people!. Some people with social anxiety feel that a certain part of their body (such as the face or neck) are particularly "strange looking" and vulnerable to being stared at!. Others experience a muscle spasm (usually around the neck and shoulders) and it becomes the center of their focus ---"it's so embarrassing that if someone sees it I will be humiliated forever!"
One thing that all socially anxious people share is the knowledge that their thoughts and fears are basically irrational!. That is, people with social anxiety know that others are really not critically judging or evaluating them all the time!. They understand that people are not trying to embarrass or humiliate them!. They realize that their thoughts and feelings are somewhat exaggerated and irrational!. Yet, despite this rational knowledge, they still continue to feel differently!.
It is these automatic "feelings" and thoughts that occur around social situations that must be met and conquered in therapy!. Usually these anxious feelings are tied to thoughts that are entwined in a vicious cycle of negative expectations and negative appraisals!. It is a catch-22 situation: there is no way out without the appropriate therapy!.
Here comes the good part!.
How can social anxiety be treated!? Many therapeutic methods have been studied, but cognitive-behavioral therapy is the only modality that has been shown to work effectively!. In fact, treatment of social anxiety through cognitive-behavioral methods has the capacity to produce long-lasting, permanent relief from the anxiety-laden world of social anxiety!.
Social anxiety responds to relatively short-term therapy, depending on the severity of the condition!. I have seen significant progress in just twelve individual sessions, although most people respond better with sixteen to twenty-four meetings!. To overcome social anxiety, completion of a behavioral therapy group is also essential (when people feel ready for this and not before)!.
What socially anxious people do not need is years and years of therapy or counseling!. You can't be "counseled" out of social phobia!. In fact, socially anxious people who are taught to "analyze" and "ruminate" over their problems usually make their social anxiety and fears much worse, which in turn leads to depression, which just reinforces the fact that "I will never get better"!. (Shudder!.!.!.this statement does NOT have to be true!.)
THERE IS A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY!. Without treatment, social anxiety is a torturous and horrible emotional problem; with treatment, its bark is worse than its bite!. Add to this that current research is clear that cognitive-behavioral therapy is highly successful in the treatment of social anxiety!. In fact, the people who are unsuccessful are the ones who are not persistent in their practice and who won't stick with simple methods and techniques at home!. They are the ones who give up!.
If a person is motivated to end the years and years of crippling anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the methods, techniques, and strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety and make the world a much more enjoyable place!.
Many of us have been through the crippling fears and constant anxiety that social phobia produces -- and have come out healthier and happier on the other side!. You can too!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today!. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given year!. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors!. In fact, people with social anxiety are misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time!. People with social phobia come to our anxiety clinic labeled as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically depressed", "panic disordered", and "personality disordered", among other damaging misdiagnoses!.
Because few socially-anxious people have heard of their own problem, and have never seen it discussed on any media, such as the television talk shows, they think they are the only ones in the whole world who have these terrible symptoms!. Therefore, they must keep quiet about them!. It would be awful if everyone realized how much anxiety they experienced in daily life!. Then what would people think about them!? Unfortunately, without some kind of education, knowledge, and appropriate treatment, social phobia/social anxiety continues to wreak havoc throughout their lives!. Adding to the dilemma, when a person with social anxiety finally gets up the nerve to seek help, the chances that they can find it are very, very slim!.
Making the situation more difficult is that social anxiety does not come and go like some other physical and psychological problems!. If you have social anxiety one day!.!.!.!.!.!.you have it every day for the rest of your life!.!.!.!.!.
The feelings I described to you at the beginning of the article are those of people with social anxiety disorder!. That is, their symptoms apply to most social events and functions in almost every area of life!. I suffered from social anxiety myself for twenty years before I ever saw the term or read about its symptoms in a book!. (The first book that specifically dealt with social phobia was not published until the 1990's!.)
As with all problems, everyone with social anxiety has slightly different secondary symptoms!. Some people, for example, cannot write in public because they fear people are watching and their hand will shake!. Others are very introverted and they find it too difficult to hold down a job!. Still others have severe anxiety about eating or drinking in the presence of other people!. Some people with social anxiety feel that a certain part of their body (such as the face or neck) are particularly "strange looking" and vulnerable to being stared at!. Others experience a muscle spasm (usually around the neck and shoulders) and it becomes the center of their focus ---"it's so embarrassing that if someone sees it I will be humiliated forever!"
One thing that all socially anxious people share is the knowledge that their thoughts and fears are basically irrational!. That is, people with social anxiety know that others are really not critically judging or evaluating them all the time!. They understand that people are not trying to embarrass or humiliate them!. They realize that their thoughts and feelings are somewhat exaggerated and irrational!. Yet, despite this rational knowledge, they still continue to feel differently!.
It is these automatic "feelings" and thoughts that occur around social situations that must be met and conquered in therapy!. Usually these anxious feelings are tied to thoughts that are entwined in a vicious cycle of negative expectations and negative appraisals!. It is a catch-22 situation: there is no way out without the appropriate therapy!.
Here comes the good part!.
How can social anxiety be treated!? Many therapeutic methods have been studied, but cognitive-behavioral therapy is the only modality that has been shown to work effectively!. In fact, treatment of social anxiety through cognitive-behavioral methods has the capacity to produce long-lasting, permanent relief from the anxiety-laden world of social anxiety!.
Social anxiety responds to relatively short-term therapy, depending on the severity of the condition!. I have seen significant progress in just twelve individual sessions, although most people respond better with sixteen to twenty-four meetings!. To overcome social anxiety, completion of a behavioral therapy group is also essential (when people feel ready for this and not before)!.
What socially anxious people do not need is years and years of therapy or counseling!. You can't be "counseled" out of social phobia!. In fact, socially anxious people who are taught to "analyze" and "ruminate" over their problems usually make their social anxiety and fears much worse, which in turn leads to depression, which just reinforces the fact that "I will never get better"!. (Shudder!.!.!.this statement does NOT have to be true!.)
THERE IS A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY!. Without treatment, social anxiety is a torturous and horrible emotional problem; with treatment, its bark is worse than its bite!. Add to this that current research is clear that cognitive-behavioral therapy is highly successful in the treatment of social anxiety!. In fact, the people who are unsuccessful are the ones who are not persistent in their practice and who won't stick with simple methods and techniques at home!. They are the ones who give up!.
If a person is motivated to end the years and years of crippling anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the methods, techniques, and strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety and make the world a much more enjoyable place!.
Many of us have been through the crippling fears and constant anxiety that social phobia produces -- and have come out healthier and happier on the other side!. You can too!.Www@Answer-Health@Com