Should you stay in contact with a parent who emotionally abuses you?!
Question: Should you stay in contact with a parent who emotionally abuses you!?
My mother is already blind in one eye!. On Monday morning she pretended to my sister she had gone blind in the other!. She asked for the doctor to visit her!. My sister realised she was probably lying!. While waiting for the doctor my mother told my sister the blindness had gone in the eye which had just gone blind!
However, she wanted it to be her's and my sister secret!. So she asked my sister to ring all her family, sister, brothers and children to let them know!. My sister refused!.
This episode of emotional abuse, which has been going on for years, was the final straw for my sister!.
I cannot believe how low my mother will stoop to hurt her children!. This was deliberately malicious!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
However, she wanted it to be her's and my sister secret!. So she asked my sister to ring all her family, sister, brothers and children to let them know!. My sister refused!.
This episode of emotional abuse, which has been going on for years, was the final straw for my sister!.
I cannot believe how low my mother will stoop to hurt her children!. This was deliberately malicious!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I believe some people in our lives we cannot hold closely or love openly, as we would like!. Some must be loved from a distance and keep our guard when around them!. This is painful for us and the other person usually constantly blames us for being distant!. However, we can't put out on the line more than we can risk losing, b/c the pain is soo great and we can't be victims of someone who doesn't seem to care about anyone else!.
I would stay in contact, from a distance!. I would not give my love as freely I would like to, b/c the risk of getting hurt is too great!. You have to protect yourself!. I would call occassionally and have only short visits with Mom, due to her need to hurt others!.
It is good that you realized the malice involved in this, b/c this is what you will remind yourself of whenever you think about getting close!. ( This will happen!. I've been down this road and often put my fingers into the fire, b/c I hated loving from a distance!.)!.!.!.
Your mother seems like a type who would do anything for attention!. She realizes people don't want to be around her, and so she creates a drama scene to get attention!. I would not go running back to her right away everytime she pulls this gag!. I would tell her it's not convenient for you to return right away and plan to return a couple days later when it's more convenient for you Still, I would have a brief visit to be sure all is well and leave making the excuse " I can't stay longer, I have ____ to do!."!.!.!.
Check with your sister to be sure it's a real crisis, or a fake one without telling your mother you are doing this!. If all your siblings would do this, she would see no one is playing into her dramas, she might stop it!.
The only reason I tell you to keep some contact is because someday Mom will die or maybe get sick first, you don't want to live with the fact that you weren't there when she really needed you!. However, you will need discernment to know when she is playing you and when she's really sick!. You don't want Mom to die and have to live with the fact that you were on bad terms!. However, you can't make excuses for her actions and allow her dramatize your life and make into the nightmare she wants to live!.
You don't deserve this!. You didn't do anything wrong for her to treat you this way!. You had no part in the demons she lives with who make her act the way she does!. Please don't lose your personal value or become bitter!. ( I've been there also!. I had the same problem with my own mother!.) Take care and try to trust your own judgment in these situations and go when "it's convenient for you" and keep the visits short!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I would stay in contact, from a distance!. I would not give my love as freely I would like to, b/c the risk of getting hurt is too great!. You have to protect yourself!. I would call occassionally and have only short visits with Mom, due to her need to hurt others!.
It is good that you realized the malice involved in this, b/c this is what you will remind yourself of whenever you think about getting close!. ( This will happen!. I've been down this road and often put my fingers into the fire, b/c I hated loving from a distance!.)!.!.!.
Your mother seems like a type who would do anything for attention!. She realizes people don't want to be around her, and so she creates a drama scene to get attention!. I would not go running back to her right away everytime she pulls this gag!. I would tell her it's not convenient for you to return right away and plan to return a couple days later when it's more convenient for you Still, I would have a brief visit to be sure all is well and leave making the excuse " I can't stay longer, I have ____ to do!."!.!.!.
Check with your sister to be sure it's a real crisis, or a fake one without telling your mother you are doing this!. If all your siblings would do this, she would see no one is playing into her dramas, she might stop it!.
The only reason I tell you to keep some contact is because someday Mom will die or maybe get sick first, you don't want to live with the fact that you weren't there when she really needed you!. However, you will need discernment to know when she is playing you and when she's really sick!. You don't want Mom to die and have to live with the fact that you were on bad terms!. However, you can't make excuses for her actions and allow her dramatize your life and make into the nightmare she wants to live!.
You don't deserve this!. You didn't do anything wrong for her to treat you this way!. You had no part in the demons she lives with who make her act the way she does!. Please don't lose your personal value or become bitter!. ( I've been there also!. I had the same problem with my own mother!.) Take care and try to trust your own judgment in these situations and go when "it's convenient for you" and keep the visits short!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
As my therapist explained to me years ago &my mother is still living, her power is her helplessness!. If that is confusing, read it the other way!. Helplessness is her power!. His advice was to accept that she can't be changed!. She would then have NO power!. That's how she sees it!. You could try to limit contact but manipulators don't go away easily!. What has worked better for myself and my sibs is to communicate together to avoid getting taken in by the maneuvering!. She doesn't like it that we communicate but its certainly better for us!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
thats a tricky one!. she is your mother and you love her regardless but if she emotionally abuses you then should you still want to know her!? i really wouldnt want to be in your position!.
do you still live with your mother!? you dont say how old you or your sister are!. if you do then it may be a good idea to consider moving out to give you some space!.
has your mother ever seen a mental health professional!? she may have a mental illness but im no professional!. it may be worth getting her assessed if it is possible!.
best of luck to you xxxWww@Answer-Health@Com
do you still live with your mother!? you dont say how old you or your sister are!. if you do then it may be a good idea to consider moving out to give you some space!.
has your mother ever seen a mental health professional!? she may have a mental illness but im no professional!. it may be worth getting her assessed if it is possible!.
best of luck to you xxxWww@Answer-Health@Com
your mother needs pyschological help!. Call the doctor, and explain what you think!.
There are tests to do to see if she is blind or not that can't be faked!.
If she is faking, then they can refer her to a pshychologist, or psychiatrist for help with munchausen's!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
There are tests to do to see if she is blind or not that can't be faked!.
If she is faking, then they can refer her to a pshychologist, or psychiatrist for help with munchausen's!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My therapist told me my mother was toxic ,and to limit the contact!.
I had over forty years of manipulation,and being made to feel guilt
I now feel fine, I accept the past, but with very limited contact, toxic is toxic!.
You will never make them see the wrong in themselves, they are only interested in having their needs met!.
DONT listen or be judged by others, do what needs to be done for you!.
there is a big social stigma that says we should love our parents, not trueWww@Answer-Health@Com
I had over forty years of manipulation,and being made to feel guilt
I now feel fine, I accept the past, but with very limited contact, toxic is toxic!.
You will never make them see the wrong in themselves, they are only interested in having their needs met!.
DONT listen or be judged by others, do what needs to be done for you!.
there is a big social stigma that says we should love our parents, not trueWww@Answer-Health@Com
yes even though it may be hard you wouldnt be here if it wasnt for them!.
depends how old you are if younger then 18 call child line!!!
:)Www@Answer-Health@Com
depends how old you are if younger then 18 call child line!!!
:)Www@Answer-Health@Com
No!. Or keep a distance!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i feel really bad for you, thats a horrible situation for anyone to be in!. i can't speak from experience but my advice would be to sit her down and tell her that you love her but she's hurting you and that you won't be involved in her games anymore because its not fair on anyone!. it seems like you're mother is craving attention, you could talk to her doctor about it maybe she has a problem and he can get her some help!. if the advice above doesn't help then you should still keep in contact with her but maybe keep her at arms length,she won't be around forever and if you fall out with her you will regret it and won't be able to take it back!. at the end of the day she is still your mom and loves you too!.really wish you the best of luck!.xWww@Answer-Health@Com