Can someone please help me get this off my mind?!

I don't exactly remember the date but it was in June of this year!. My sons father asked me to go down to greenfield to do a DNA test on my son!. Let me introduce you to some detail; I dated my sons father for about a year and two months, in 2005-2006!. Everything was going well until I made pretty messed up decisions that hurt us both!. I don't mean by cheating or lying, none of that!. I was in the border line of failing high school!. I took another year for senior year, which made my sons father upset, but in the long run he seemed OK with me doing that, until summer school; where everything changed between us!. He appeared so distant, tempted to argue with me, and always made me feel like every time I tried fixing a problem, he would push me away!. I knew something was wrong with him!. Now, I'm not the type of person, when is in a relationship; jumps into assumptions or becomes skeptic!. But for some reason, my heart told me to figure out before I got hurt!. He came over to my house one night, to do a job in San Jose!. The morning after he jumped in the shower, and my heart says to go through his phone!. So I do, and I see the evidence that I needed to confront him, her phone number, I memorized it!. I wasn't sure what to do, I kept going over and over in my mind what I knew was best to do, for myself!. That same morning, I kept quiet what I saw!. We drove off to work (at that time I had a job, too), I was quiet the whole time, he kept asking what was wrong with me, I said nothing to him!. So we went along our ways, until in the evening where we met again!. I told him he had to go home because he had to go to school the following day!. That same night, though, I called his ex-girlfriend, who is the one he was seeing behind my back!. I didn't know where to start, the first thing I asked was if she wanted him to keep him, but to leave me alone!. I didn't want to be hurt more than I already was!. She denied seeing him!. we went back and forth going stupid on each other and calling each other names!. I called my sons father and told him that I couldn't go on with this!. He didn't seem surprised!. Any who, the whole point is that, he cheated on me but he wanted to make it seem like I messed up in our relationship because I made stupid decisions regarding to school!. He made me feel like I was worthless and ignorant!. In result to all this, he didn't want to be with me, he impregnated me and made me suffer!. He insisted I should get an abortion, he promised we would work things out and I believed it but then I figured out what his plan was!. throughout this time, his ex-gf (today) and i had conflict getting along, we would message each other, basically talking ****!. it made such a drama scene that made my sons father hate me!. all i wanted from it was to know what went thorugh his mind when he left me!. what made him leave me!? what did i do wrong!. why couldn't he just be a man and told me personally and not wait after i was pregnant, where the situation gets worse!. any who, We met when I was four months pregnant!. I showed to his house and told his parents I was expecting!. They were upset but excited!. Later on when I was 6 months, he impregnated his girlfriend!.!. I was very disappointed at the fact that he neglected my child and made it seem like he is not his!. I am lucky enough to have met him through his cousin, which has part of his family on my side!. That's not the point, the point is that, the day I went to get the DNA test done, I felt so weak!. I wanted to burst down into tears and throw myself to him and ask him why he did this to me!. Throughout these years, I have become a stronger person!. He made me cry and suffer but I have realized that
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