Is this disturbingly creepy?!

I keep a diary with my plots about people, how I'll use people, etc!. Basically I like to scheme!. Here's an example entry:

What is my goal!? Well, I want to have a nice relationship
with _____!. I don't care if it's friendship, or more than
that!. I just want him!. And _____ is standing in my way!.

I thought of this thing!. Where we all talk!. Just me,
_____, and _____!. And then, I'll somehow find a few
minutes with ______ and tell him that I love him but can't be
around him any more for various reasons!. Then I'll run off!.

I won't run off out of fear!. I won't run off out of
embarrassment!. I'll run off because it wouldn't make sense
for me to linger, to wait for his languid reply of "Okay!.!.!.",
because it doesn't matter!. It doesn't matter what he thinks!.
It doesn't matter what I think!. I would have done what I
needed to do, what I felt was smart!. I would've helped
myself, him, and _____!.

_____ is a bit of a problem, though!. If I break off ties
with her, I will probably break off ties with _____!. No!.
I'll make my own bonds with him!.

I know now, that _____ is of no use to me if we remain
friends!. But it isn't possible for her to join my plies!.
______ is a possibility!. But I would like to keep our
relationship the way it is now!. Close, but so far away!.
Understanding, yet derailing!.

So I'll make my next scheme as soon as possible!. After a bit
of sheisse, I'm going to sit down and plan my demise!. I
first need to come up with my goal:

Get _____!. Lose ______!.

But even I question the integrity of the disposition evinced
by those twin statements!.

I can't get _____ without losing _____!. That is a fact!.
But I can't lose _____ without losing a piece of me!. I've
devoted so much time into her, pouring out my wisdom,
scheming for her, planting a seed into her life in so many
places!. I've helped her so much, that added all up, she owes
me her life and happiness!. She owes me !.!.!.him!.

Not quite yet!. I can't rush into things!. I can't be too
spontaneous!. This has to be well thought out!. Every
conversation, every though shared, every suggestion made to
my conversances!. I need to find a greater advantage!. I need
to sort things out!.

There must be a key!. Not a bit of knowledge, not evidence,
not a certain competence!. A person!. A living, breathing
person!. The only one I can think of now is ____!. He and
______ are so alike!. So naive, stupid, innocent, perfect!. I
need a male version of _____!. Someone who will completely
misconstrue the view from a female's eyes in this situation!.
Not ______-- he is too smart, and unwilling to get involved!.
Also, I don't like manipulating him!. I seem to have a gift
for seeing into people's souls, and having a deeper
understanding!. No!. Getting involved in this is not his
kismet!. He must avoid this altogether!. Though he will be
useful for information-- his mother seems to know quite a
bit about the couple that disgusts me-- _____ and _____!.

______-- oh, dear ______, how I wish I could tell her all
of this, to show her this register into which I pour my
vexations! But she must not be spoiled; brood can not effect
her quintessence!. She must remain my one companion; the one
who follows closely behind on this journey, but steps aside
when I begin to acquit my conspiracies!. She encourages me to
be myself!. She does not give me advice in situations; I can
see deep into her enough to know that she is in fact a
manipulator herself, a maneuver in the way she acts always
brings out a person's inner self!. And I like that!. I want
her to continue feeding me, to continue nourishing my darkness!.

______ and ______, no matter how kind they be, are
minorities on my list of major friends!. They are not able to
be as dark as I am, though _______ is a possibility!. She has
so much darkness herself, but she hides it instead of using
it!. And she is so unwilling to change that I'm afraid a
lesson in manipulation energies would be a waste of time and
wisdom!. I may try, though; she is an option!.

______ is a perfectionist!. She would make a fine accomplice;
she has a good head, very smart, but her soul is full of
light!. Not suitable for my schemes!. However, I do sense a
taste of darkness in her soul!. It is not very big, and not
powerful at all!. It is just pessimism!. That repels me
greatly!. Optimism is the only way to manipulate!. Closing all
doors will get you nowhere, and I see no open doors in
_____'s life!. She believes, "Oh well, the future is the
future, fate is fate, I'll just run along with the tide
until something happens, and just go with the flow when
something DOES happen!." She is the complete antipode to
manipulation!. If I disguise my intentions, however, she may
be a worthy source of guidance!.

______!. _______ will help me!. She is a girl who accepts
nothing but the truth, a fighter!. She has thick skin, but is
soft inside!. She has a good poker face!. She will be my
brawn!. But she's not THE key!. She is just another tool,Www@Answer-Health@Com

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