Is this an impossible situation for me ? should i give up ?!
Question: Is this an impossible situation for me !? should i give up !?
'' to emigrate from england with a good paying computer job , and to find a partner and to live in a hot climate near the coast!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this is my number one goal still!. ''
thats my number one goal but this has been my life so far :
i feel known as the local ' crazy ' !.- when i walk around or go anywhere, thats how i worry im viewed like everyone , like some purposeful conspiracy to ostracise me!.
to give you a quick summary of my life ive had a very hard, traumatic filled life so far , im 30 now - sadly suffered abuse through out my life and bad times and experiences !. bullying , time in a psyche hospital, head injuries , homelessness - all this has happened all through my life with '' no '' respite!.
as a result ive missed out badly on life , missed out on forming any relationships, missed out on an education , missed out on ever being employed etc - i have a psychiatric record and a minor criminal record!.
ive had a tortured existence so far, and now i live in a one bedroom small apartment on disability state benefit, i own no material possessions except for an old desktop computer!.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bad ptsd symptoms, im presently waiting to be refered to a local group therapy place because there's no DBT in my area!.
so im 30 now , and starting from scratch in life , with a disadvantaged past , i look way older than i once did , have a more lived in look - have a few physical worries going on right now: cracked torn skin over the ' head ' of my penis , waiting to see a professor for a 3rd opinion after the last dermatologist said it wasnt any skin disorder!.!.!.!.!.torn ankle ligaments after a bad sprain a year ago, was told it will take time to heal, the ankle is very weak, have to be careful how i walk on it!.!.
was told the torn cracked skin could be as a result of excessive masturbation that ive done for as long as i can remember , over 12 times a day , everyday!.!.
unfortunatly ive had a history of bad rage and aggressive outbursts, due to the fact i was bullied severly , also psychologically and i bottled up anger for years - i used to just lose it public, push people over , have a rage attack, act like a crazy , cause myself to be publically embarressed , attacked by strangers, people would point and laugh, id be ostracised every where, put myself in very dangerous situations , cautioned by the police , attacked by thug types etc!.
for years ive greatly improved in controlling these rage attacks, this is years ago now , and since i have been actively seeking help, an assesment and diagnosis, which hopefully now i have!.!.
the rage outbursts in the past seem to happen like i didnt plan them, they wernt pre meditated , id just set out to go out , id feel full of anxiety and panic , feel paranoid , jealous of happy people around mme , feel shut out of society , anger would build up like a pressure cooker , id feel strangelly disconnected from my surroundings and spaced out - then id just erupt with these rage outbursts!.!.!.
i feel to disadvantaged because of my past , to far left behind in life , feel like im starting too late , and more worse ; viewed negatively by society around me , known as the local crazy or weirdo to avoid and socially exclude!.!.
how can i deal with that !? how can i achieve the life i want and my dreams at this late stage !? how do i combat peoples perceptions and predjudices towards me !?
people can be very aloof and standoffish with me in general, non accepting , theyve been like this with me for a while but ive just tried to ignore it - carry on with strength and pride!.
theres no way im going to change or be out of character for people to accept me or take me on as some charity case , which is how i feel im treated!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
thats my number one goal but this has been my life so far :
i feel known as the local ' crazy ' !.- when i walk around or go anywhere, thats how i worry im viewed like everyone , like some purposeful conspiracy to ostracise me!.
to give you a quick summary of my life ive had a very hard, traumatic filled life so far , im 30 now - sadly suffered abuse through out my life and bad times and experiences !. bullying , time in a psyche hospital, head injuries , homelessness - all this has happened all through my life with '' no '' respite!.
as a result ive missed out badly on life , missed out on forming any relationships, missed out on an education , missed out on ever being employed etc - i have a psychiatric record and a minor criminal record!.
ive had a tortured existence so far, and now i live in a one bedroom small apartment on disability state benefit, i own no material possessions except for an old desktop computer!.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bad ptsd symptoms, im presently waiting to be refered to a local group therapy place because there's no DBT in my area!.
so im 30 now , and starting from scratch in life , with a disadvantaged past , i look way older than i once did , have a more lived in look - have a few physical worries going on right now: cracked torn skin over the ' head ' of my penis , waiting to see a professor for a 3rd opinion after the last dermatologist said it wasnt any skin disorder!.!.!.!.!.torn ankle ligaments after a bad sprain a year ago, was told it will take time to heal, the ankle is very weak, have to be careful how i walk on it!.!.
was told the torn cracked skin could be as a result of excessive masturbation that ive done for as long as i can remember , over 12 times a day , everyday!.!.
unfortunatly ive had a history of bad rage and aggressive outbursts, due to the fact i was bullied severly , also psychologically and i bottled up anger for years - i used to just lose it public, push people over , have a rage attack, act like a crazy , cause myself to be publically embarressed , attacked by strangers, people would point and laugh, id be ostracised every where, put myself in very dangerous situations , cautioned by the police , attacked by thug types etc!.
for years ive greatly improved in controlling these rage attacks, this is years ago now , and since i have been actively seeking help, an assesment and diagnosis, which hopefully now i have!.!.
the rage outbursts in the past seem to happen like i didnt plan them, they wernt pre meditated , id just set out to go out , id feel full of anxiety and panic , feel paranoid , jealous of happy people around mme , feel shut out of society , anger would build up like a pressure cooker , id feel strangelly disconnected from my surroundings and spaced out - then id just erupt with these rage outbursts!.!.!.
i feel to disadvantaged because of my past , to far left behind in life , feel like im starting too late , and more worse ; viewed negatively by society around me , known as the local crazy or weirdo to avoid and socially exclude!.!.
how can i deal with that !? how can i achieve the life i want and my dreams at this late stage !? how do i combat peoples perceptions and predjudices towards me !?
people can be very aloof and standoffish with me in general, non accepting , theyve been like this with me for a while but ive just tried to ignore it - carry on with strength and pride!.
theres no way im going to change or be out of character for people to accept me or take me on as some charity case , which is how i feel im treated!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
First I want to congratulate you on learning to control your rage!. That is an incredible accomplishment and I personally am very proud of you!.
I understand the frustration of being poor and worried about how you can get out of this situation!. I personally would contact the person responsible for group therapy on a regular basis to see if there is an opening!.
I would listen to the dermatologist as to your skin condition as the amount you masturbate is excessive!. Try to distract yourself with other things that give you pleasure!. As far as your ankle is concerned, I've been told that you are actually better off breaking your leg than spraining your ankle!. And from personal experience (major klutz, can't walk and chew gum) I know how long and frustrating the recovery can be!.
You can't change people's perception of you until you've made a positive effort to change yourself!. I would start with my outward appearance!. Some churches have free clothing as do some homeless shelters!. If you can afford it thrift stores are a great resource!. Keep clean, I know it's hard when you're depressed but you will feel better for it!.
Now the inner stuff!. If you don't have your high school diploma take a high school equivalency exam, you should be able to get funding for it (sorry Canadian, would it be your A level!?)!. Get a library card and read, it doesn't matter what you read just as long as you do it!. When you get into group stick with it no matter how hard it gets!. Find out what you need to do as far as training in computer skills, a job counsellor, possibly from disability will help you with that!. Go to church, but go clean and as well dressed as possible!. That is usually a safe environment to learn the people skills you haven't had a chance to yet!.
Don't abandon your dream, it's never too late to start your life over!. But remember you need to work hard to acheive it!.!.
And please talk to someone now about your suicidal thoughts!. If you are unable to do that please email me directly at divahorne@yahoo!.ca You have a lot to live for you just can't see it yet!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
I understand the frustration of being poor and worried about how you can get out of this situation!. I personally would contact the person responsible for group therapy on a regular basis to see if there is an opening!.
I would listen to the dermatologist as to your skin condition as the amount you masturbate is excessive!. Try to distract yourself with other things that give you pleasure!. As far as your ankle is concerned, I've been told that you are actually better off breaking your leg than spraining your ankle!. And from personal experience (major klutz, can't walk and chew gum) I know how long and frustrating the recovery can be!.
You can't change people's perception of you until you've made a positive effort to change yourself!. I would start with my outward appearance!. Some churches have free clothing as do some homeless shelters!. If you can afford it thrift stores are a great resource!. Keep clean, I know it's hard when you're depressed but you will feel better for it!.
Now the inner stuff!. If you don't have your high school diploma take a high school equivalency exam, you should be able to get funding for it (sorry Canadian, would it be your A level!?)!. Get a library card and read, it doesn't matter what you read just as long as you do it!. When you get into group stick with it no matter how hard it gets!. Find out what you need to do as far as training in computer skills, a job counsellor, possibly from disability will help you with that!. Go to church, but go clean and as well dressed as possible!. That is usually a safe environment to learn the people skills you haven't had a chance to yet!.
Don't abandon your dream, it's never too late to start your life over!. But remember you need to work hard to acheive it!.!.
And please talk to someone now about your suicidal thoughts!. If you are unable to do that please email me directly at divahorne@yahoo!.ca You have a lot to live for you just can't see it yet!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
Legend!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Well you could do with some help!. Email me if u like!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I've had a very hard life too, been abused all my childhood and much of my adult life and been very disdvantaged!. I too have a goal of living in the sun and having a good relationship one day!. However these things will never happen if I just try and force them!. You need to take small steps!. Hopefully, if you keep putting one foot in front of the other [making small bits of progress] you will develop an ability to have both these things you so badly want!. At the moment I doubt you have that ability, even if money and miracles could happen!. For a start I think you need to work out what smaller goals you need to acheive to get yourself closer to those big goals!. Otherwise, all you're doing is wallowing in escapism!. Sometimes escapism is tempting when you feel ostracised or inadequate - but escapism is something that you would feel even if you had your dreams - because you need to develop yourself!. If you woke up tomorrow in a sunny place with a loving woman by your side you would still find yourself beginning to be dissatisfied - because your dreams are partly a result of your negative thoughts about who you are and low self esteem!. I think you should do the following things:
i] make sure you have some counselling through your GP [even if you've had it before!.
ii] try to change your attitude to the people around you and to society in general!. It is your huge problem with how you view society that is causing people to find you so unapproachable!. Try to smile at anyone and everyone and be friendly!. Give people the benefit of the doubt and a fair chance - as you would like them to do you!.
iii] Get a job!. If you can't get a job then do voluntary work!. Inquire a your local council and they will put you in touch with voluntary organisations!. Voluntary [or paid] work will give you a position in society - which is what you [at heart] really want to feel acceptable and good about yourself!. It will also put you in beter touch with reality and reduce escapism - pure escapism makes your chances of achieiving your dreams less likely!.
What I think you'll find is that, if you do these things you will start to trust yourself more!. You think you want others to trust you, but I believe you are most concerned with a need to trust yourself!. You will find that you have more energy and a more positive outlook!. You will make friends if you stop projecting your feelings of 'unapproachability' onto others!. Don;t assume people can't or won;t like you!. Give people a chance!. There are plenty of people out there who feel very inadequate despite their smiles and bravado!. Smile, be friendly!. Doing some work [voluntary or paid] will help you develop your sense of who you are!. As your personality develops and as you develop your self-trust and feelings of worth people will be more attracted to you, and you may find that the sunny escape is not the most important thing in the world!. Everyone is lovable and when you find a relationship then the whole thing about the sunny escape or financial opportunity can be worked out later on in life/your relationship!. By the way, like you I felt that the only source of real happiness would be a relationship!. Many people who have been abused feel this!. I had three long term relationships and they were all hell [because you have to develop yourself before you can have much chance of a decent relationship]!. Now I am single for the first time and I have discovered that it is possible to be really happy single - you just need to love yourself and make a few good friends - it can easily be done - you just have to enable it!. Plenty of people want a friend and don;t like themselves much!. Smile, be friendly, join society -go to a church, do some voluntary work, or just get chatting to your neighbours - TRUST YOURSELF!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i] make sure you have some counselling through your GP [even if you've had it before!.
ii] try to change your attitude to the people around you and to society in general!. It is your huge problem with how you view society that is causing people to find you so unapproachable!. Try to smile at anyone and everyone and be friendly!. Give people the benefit of the doubt and a fair chance - as you would like them to do you!.
iii] Get a job!. If you can't get a job then do voluntary work!. Inquire a your local council and they will put you in touch with voluntary organisations!. Voluntary [or paid] work will give you a position in society - which is what you [at heart] really want to feel acceptable and good about yourself!. It will also put you in beter touch with reality and reduce escapism - pure escapism makes your chances of achieiving your dreams less likely!.
What I think you'll find is that, if you do these things you will start to trust yourself more!. You think you want others to trust you, but I believe you are most concerned with a need to trust yourself!. You will find that you have more energy and a more positive outlook!. You will make friends if you stop projecting your feelings of 'unapproachability' onto others!. Don;t assume people can't or won;t like you!. Give people a chance!. There are plenty of people out there who feel very inadequate despite their smiles and bravado!. Smile, be friendly!. Doing some work [voluntary or paid] will help you develop your sense of who you are!. As your personality develops and as you develop your self-trust and feelings of worth people will be more attracted to you, and you may find that the sunny escape is not the most important thing in the world!. Everyone is lovable and when you find a relationship then the whole thing about the sunny escape or financial opportunity can be worked out later on in life/your relationship!. By the way, like you I felt that the only source of real happiness would be a relationship!. Many people who have been abused feel this!. I had three long term relationships and they were all hell [because you have to develop yourself before you can have much chance of a decent relationship]!. Now I am single for the first time and I have discovered that it is possible to be really happy single - you just need to love yourself and make a few good friends - it can easily be done - you just have to enable it!. Plenty of people want a friend and don;t like themselves much!. Smile, be friendly, join society -go to a church, do some voluntary work, or just get chatting to your neighbours - TRUST YOURSELF!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
don't be so hard on yourself!. 30 years old is a wonderful age to start over!. stop thinking about the way you are seen by others!. your opinion of yourself is what is important!. every life has meaning of its own!. no matter what has happened in the past, build on the positive!.
your past experience may help you to help others!. you could become an inspiration to other people that see you go on with your life after so much adversity!. the future can only go forward!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
your past experience may help you to help others!. you could become an inspiration to other people that see you go on with your life after so much adversity!. the future can only go forward!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
here mate check this place out its a start on your computer career
http://www!.google!.co!.uk/aclk!?sa=l&ai=BA7!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
http://www!.google!.co!.uk/aclk!?sa=l&ai=BA7!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
The problem is, that you have had your hands tied while patiently waiting for this to happen, because of all the red tape and garbage that goes on when government steps in to help!.!.!.you have been made to wait an unbearably long time,and for that reason, you haven't been able to make the progress you desired!.!.!.if they could have gotten you through your treatment without all the delays and rescheduling, etc!.!.you might have already achieved your dreams!.!.!.as long as you have to depend on them for help, you will have to be a bit more patient, and you will ultimately have your dream!.!.!.No one who wants it as badly as you do, will fail!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
If you have a mental illness, you may be able to get disability living allowance which significantly increases your income!.
You may need to do this while living somewhere better with the money, but rent still at about
You may need to do this while living somewhere better with the money, but rent still at about
The consumer health information on answer-health.com is
for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or
treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com - Terms of Use - Contact us