Is there anyway for me to achieve my goals or am i finished in life ?!
Question: Is there anyway for me to achieve my goals or am i finished in life !?
'' to emigrate from england with a good paying computer job , and to find a partner and to live in a hot climate near the coast!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.this is my number one goal still!. ''
thats my number one goal but this has been my life so far :
i feel known as the local ' crazy ' !.- when i walk around or go anywhere, thats how i worry im viewed like everyone , like some purposeful conspiracy to ostracise me!.
to give you a quick summary of my life ive had a very hard, traumatic filled life so far , im 30 now - sadly suffered abuse through out my life and bad times and experiences !. bullying , time in a psyche hospital, head injuries , homelessness - all this has happened all through my life with '' no '' respite!.
as a result ive missed out badly on life , missed out on forming any relationships, missed out on an education , missed out on ever being employed etc - i have a psychiatric record and a minor criminal record!.
ive had a tortured existence so far, and now i live in a one bedroom small apartment on disability state benefit, i own no material possessions except for an old desktop computer!.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bad ptsd symptoms, im presently waiting to be refered to a local group therapy place because there's no DBT in my area!.
so im 30 now , and starting from scratch in life , with a disadvantaged past , i look way older than i once did , have a more lived in look - have a few physical worries going on right now: cracked torn skin over the ' head ' of my penis , waiting to see a professor for a 3rd opinion after the last dermatologist said it wasnt any skin disorder!.!.!.!.!.torn ankle ligaments after a bad sprain a year ago, was told it will take time to heal, the ankle is very weak, have to be careful how i walk on it!.!.
was told the torn cracked skin could be as a result of excessive masturbation that ive done for as long as i can remember , over 12 times a day , everyday!.!.
unfortunatly ive had a history of bad rage and aggressive outbursts, due to the fact i was bullied severly , also psychologically and i bottled up anger for years - i used to just lose it public, push people over , have a rage attack, act like a crazy , cause myself to be publically embarressed , attacked by strangers, people would point and laugh, id be ostracised every where, put myself in very dangerous situations , cautioned by the police , attacked by thug types etc!.
for years ive greatly improved in controlling these rage attacks, this is years ago now , and since i have been actively seeking help, an assesment and diagnosis, which hopefully now i have!.!.
the rage outbursts in the past seem to happen like i didnt plan them, they wernt pre meditated , id just set out to go out , id feel full of anxiety and panic , feel paranoid , jealous of happy people around mme , feel shut out of society , anger would build up like a pressure cooker , id feel strangelly disconnected from my surroundings and spaced out - then id just erupt with these rage outbursts!.!.!.
i feel to disadvantaged because of my past , to far left behind in life , feel like im starting too late , and more worse ; viewed negatively by society around me , known as the local crazy or weirdo to avoid and socially exclude!.!.
how can i deal with that !? how can i achieve the life i want and my dreams at this late stage !? how do i combat peoples perceptions and predjudices towards me !?
people can be very aloof and standoffish with me in general, non accepting , theyve been like this with me for a while but ive just tried to ignore it - carry on with strength and pride!.
theres no way im going to change or be out of character for people to accept me or take me on as some charity case , which is how i feel im treated!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
thats my number one goal but this has been my life so far :
i feel known as the local ' crazy ' !.- when i walk around or go anywhere, thats how i worry im viewed like everyone , like some purposeful conspiracy to ostracise me!.
to give you a quick summary of my life ive had a very hard, traumatic filled life so far , im 30 now - sadly suffered abuse through out my life and bad times and experiences !. bullying , time in a psyche hospital, head injuries , homelessness - all this has happened all through my life with '' no '' respite!.
as a result ive missed out badly on life , missed out on forming any relationships, missed out on an education , missed out on ever being employed etc - i have a psychiatric record and a minor criminal record!.
ive had a tortured existence so far, and now i live in a one bedroom small apartment on disability state benefit, i own no material possessions except for an old desktop computer!.
i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bad ptsd symptoms, im presently waiting to be refered to a local group therapy place because there's no DBT in my area!.
so im 30 now , and starting from scratch in life , with a disadvantaged past , i look way older than i once did , have a more lived in look - have a few physical worries going on right now: cracked torn skin over the ' head ' of my penis , waiting to see a professor for a 3rd opinion after the last dermatologist said it wasnt any skin disorder!.!.!.!.!.torn ankle ligaments after a bad sprain a year ago, was told it will take time to heal, the ankle is very weak, have to be careful how i walk on it!.!.
was told the torn cracked skin could be as a result of excessive masturbation that ive done for as long as i can remember , over 12 times a day , everyday!.!.
unfortunatly ive had a history of bad rage and aggressive outbursts, due to the fact i was bullied severly , also psychologically and i bottled up anger for years - i used to just lose it public, push people over , have a rage attack, act like a crazy , cause myself to be publically embarressed , attacked by strangers, people would point and laugh, id be ostracised every where, put myself in very dangerous situations , cautioned by the police , attacked by thug types etc!.
for years ive greatly improved in controlling these rage attacks, this is years ago now , and since i have been actively seeking help, an assesment and diagnosis, which hopefully now i have!.!.
the rage outbursts in the past seem to happen like i didnt plan them, they wernt pre meditated , id just set out to go out , id feel full of anxiety and panic , feel paranoid , jealous of happy people around mme , feel shut out of society , anger would build up like a pressure cooker , id feel strangelly disconnected from my surroundings and spaced out - then id just erupt with these rage outbursts!.!.!.
i feel to disadvantaged because of my past , to far left behind in life , feel like im starting too late , and more worse ; viewed negatively by society around me , known as the local crazy or weirdo to avoid and socially exclude!.!.
how can i deal with that !? how can i achieve the life i want and my dreams at this late stage !? how do i combat peoples perceptions and predjudices towards me !?
people can be very aloof and standoffish with me in general, non accepting , theyve been like this with me for a while but ive just tried to ignore it - carry on with strength and pride!.
theres no way im going to change or be out of character for people to accept me or take me on as some charity case , which is how i feel im treated!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I feel like I've read this before!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Have you gotten into that therapy you were talking about!? Actually you sound a LOT better than in your previous posts!. You are calmer and not nearly as desperate!. Whatever you are doing, keep it up, it's working!. As long as your goals are reasonable you should have no trouble reaching them!. Still, like I said before little steps!.!.!.!.!.!. looks like you;ve taken a few already!. :)Www@Answer-Health@Com
Have you gotten into that therapy you were talking about!? Actually you sound a LOT better than in your previous posts!. You are calmer and not nearly as desperate!. Whatever you are doing, keep it up, it's working!. As long as your goals are reasonable you should have no trouble reaching them!. Still, like I said before little steps!.!.!.!.!.!. looks like you;ve taken a few already!. :)Www@Answer-Health@Com
Legend!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
if this is true!. then you should control your anger first and build up self-esteem Www@Answer-Health@Com