How do I leave my angry, depressed, suicidal, live-in boyfriend?!
Question: How do I leave my angry, depressed, suicidal, live-in boyfriend!?
He doesn't have insurance and has tried some free services (suicide hotline, help via email, etc!.) but they haven't been able to say anything to help him!.
We had a big fight last night, and he was yelling and started slamming doors!. For some reason I freaked out and cowered in the corner, apparently yelling, "Oh my God, he's going to kill me!" He's never laid a finger on me (or on anyone else, as far as I know), but his anger scares the hell out of me!. He was completely offended that I said such a thing, and that just got him more pissed!.!.!. But in the end, as usual, he apologized for everything!. "I'm sorry I got mad, I'm sorry I scared you, I'm sorry for being such a worthless loser, I'm sorry for everything bad that has ever happened!.!.!."
He claims that I'm the only person in the world that he doesn't hate!. He doesn't have friends or family!. Apparently I'm all that he has, but I just can't do this anymore!. I love him, and I certainly don't want him to hurt himself (or me, or anyone else), but I just can't handle being the sole caretaker of a mentally unstable person!.
I want to leave, but I don't know HOW!. I'm never home when he's not there, so I really can't just grab all of my stuff and sneak out!.!.!. and even if I could do that, how could I do it so that he wouldn't be devastated!? I'm afraid to tell him that I'm leaving to his face, because he's so angry/depressed, and I feel like he would guilt trip me or break my things or both!.!.!. He knows where I work, and he knows all of the people that I would go to in a crisis, and I don't want to get more people involved/hurt/traumatized!.!.!.
So what do I do!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
We had a big fight last night, and he was yelling and started slamming doors!. For some reason I freaked out and cowered in the corner, apparently yelling, "Oh my God, he's going to kill me!" He's never laid a finger on me (or on anyone else, as far as I know), but his anger scares the hell out of me!. He was completely offended that I said such a thing, and that just got him more pissed!.!.!. But in the end, as usual, he apologized for everything!. "I'm sorry I got mad, I'm sorry I scared you, I'm sorry for being such a worthless loser, I'm sorry for everything bad that has ever happened!.!.!."
He claims that I'm the only person in the world that he doesn't hate!. He doesn't have friends or family!. Apparently I'm all that he has, but I just can't do this anymore!. I love him, and I certainly don't want him to hurt himself (or me, or anyone else), but I just can't handle being the sole caretaker of a mentally unstable person!.
I want to leave, but I don't know HOW!. I'm never home when he's not there, so I really can't just grab all of my stuff and sneak out!.!.!. and even if I could do that, how could I do it so that he wouldn't be devastated!? I'm afraid to tell him that I'm leaving to his face, because he's so angry/depressed, and I feel like he would guilt trip me or break my things or both!.!.!. He knows where I work, and he knows all of the people that I would go to in a crisis, and I don't want to get more people involved/hurt/traumatized!.!.!.
So what do I do!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
First of all, your boyfriend needs to take responsibilities for his actions and temper!. By apologizing to you the way he does, he's refusing to admit he has a serious problem and at the same time he's making you a victim of psychological abuse! Plus, by saying you're the ONLY one there for him, that's emotional manipulation/blackmail!! You are absolutely right in saying that it's to much for you to handle on your own!.!.!.And i know how hard it can because you still love the man underneath all those bad moods!.!.!.
He needs to be seen by a psychiatrist and he needs to take meds!. for his mental illness!. (That will help him get a better grip on his thoughts and moods!.) It's easy for him to say: no one says the right thing to help me!.!.!.that's another sad excuse for not accepting the fact that HE'S the one that needs to work on himself! If he's not open to the help that is being offered, it will never help him!. He might not be realizing this but, he's keeping himself in this state of mind by being stubborn!.
I don't blame you for being scared! You need to talk to him when he's calm and talk to him in a neutral tone (without raising your voice or getting angry!.!.!.)Tell him that he needs to decide what he wants: does he want this "mental illness" to destroy his life or, will he get himself help!!? If he refuses to admit that he needs help, sadly you can't force him!.!.!.cause even if you do, it won't do any help!. HE needs to take that decission!!
If you want out of the relationship (and I don't blame you), explain to him (calmly again) why you can't handle this anymore!. Tell him you care and love him alot but, wont sit by and watch him destroy his life!. That if he doesn't get help, he will only get worst and you can't watch the man you loved do that!. You are not abandonning him but, you are taking a step back for you!.!.!.you can't be the sole caretaker (like you've mentionned!.!.!.) and telll him why and how it's affecting/destroying you!.
As others mentionned, I would talk to him in a public place and manage to have someone near for security (maybe at a few tables away)!. If it turns ugly, don't stay or go back home with him!.!.!.go get your stuf another time!. Don't "sneak out" on him, that would be a "low-blow" (if you know what I mean!.!.!.) If you are affraid for your safety, get the police to be there when you pick up your stuff!. As for being affraid that he'll destropy your things, I know that would suck but things can be bought back!.
The hardest part I think will be not to fall back into the guilt trips he's giving you in order to manipulise you to stay!. You should consider getting couseling for yourself!. Living in such situations aren't good for you and getting professional help will help you, because he's realy abusing you psychologicaly and that can be worst than physical abuse!!! And maybe the therapist/couselor will talk you through or find a way for you to leave him without putting neitheir of you at risk!.
I understand your really affraid of him becomming a stalker after you break things off, but you can't stay out of fear!.!.!.it won't get better, only worst!. It's hard, I know, not to feel responsible for his actions after the break up but it's true!.!.!.if he hurts himself, it was his doing and not yours!! You need to understand that!.!.!.(as to why I really suggest you get therapy for yourself!.) YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS! You need to look out for yourself and that's the primary goal here! In worst case scenarios, if he does cause you personnal problems after you've left him, (as others have mentionned) get the police involved!!
Personnaly, I was once like your boyfriend at one point in my life!.!.!. very depressed/angry/suicidal!.!.!.felt like no one could help or understood me!. I lost allot of relationships because of my attitude/actions but, I realised after a while that I needed to take a decission and "kick myself in the butt" and go seek professionnal help!. I was diagnosted with bipolar type 2 in 2006 and have since been on medication and I do therapy regularly!. I still get ups and downs (that's what bipolar illness is!.!.!.) But they are less intense and I can manage it all allot better than before!.!.!.I've made amasing progress, and I am in a happy/loving relationship!.
So, this being said, I hope your boyfriend goes and gets help soon!.
I wish you the best and hope things will work out for you both of you,
I hope I've helped, Good luck Www@Answer-Health@Com
He needs to be seen by a psychiatrist and he needs to take meds!. for his mental illness!. (That will help him get a better grip on his thoughts and moods!.) It's easy for him to say: no one says the right thing to help me!.!.!.that's another sad excuse for not accepting the fact that HE'S the one that needs to work on himself! If he's not open to the help that is being offered, it will never help him!. He might not be realizing this but, he's keeping himself in this state of mind by being stubborn!.
I don't blame you for being scared! You need to talk to him when he's calm and talk to him in a neutral tone (without raising your voice or getting angry!.!.!.)Tell him that he needs to decide what he wants: does he want this "mental illness" to destroy his life or, will he get himself help!!? If he refuses to admit that he needs help, sadly you can't force him!.!.!.cause even if you do, it won't do any help!. HE needs to take that decission!!
If you want out of the relationship (and I don't blame you), explain to him (calmly again) why you can't handle this anymore!. Tell him you care and love him alot but, wont sit by and watch him destroy his life!. That if he doesn't get help, he will only get worst and you can't watch the man you loved do that!. You are not abandonning him but, you are taking a step back for you!.!.!.you can't be the sole caretaker (like you've mentionned!.!.!.) and telll him why and how it's affecting/destroying you!.
As others mentionned, I would talk to him in a public place and manage to have someone near for security (maybe at a few tables away)!. If it turns ugly, don't stay or go back home with him!.!.!.go get your stuf another time!. Don't "sneak out" on him, that would be a "low-blow" (if you know what I mean!.!.!.) If you are affraid for your safety, get the police to be there when you pick up your stuff!. As for being affraid that he'll destropy your things, I know that would suck but things can be bought back!.
The hardest part I think will be not to fall back into the guilt trips he's giving you in order to manipulise you to stay!. You should consider getting couseling for yourself!. Living in such situations aren't good for you and getting professional help will help you, because he's realy abusing you psychologicaly and that can be worst than physical abuse!!! And maybe the therapist/couselor will talk you through or find a way for you to leave him without putting neitheir of you at risk!.
I understand your really affraid of him becomming a stalker after you break things off, but you can't stay out of fear!.!.!.it won't get better, only worst!. It's hard, I know, not to feel responsible for his actions after the break up but it's true!.!.!.if he hurts himself, it was his doing and not yours!! You need to understand that!.!.!.(as to why I really suggest you get therapy for yourself!.) YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS! You need to look out for yourself and that's the primary goal here! In worst case scenarios, if he does cause you personnal problems after you've left him, (as others have mentionned) get the police involved!!
Personnaly, I was once like your boyfriend at one point in my life!.!.!. very depressed/angry/suicidal!.!.!.felt like no one could help or understood me!. I lost allot of relationships because of my attitude/actions but, I realised after a while that I needed to take a decission and "kick myself in the butt" and go seek professionnal help!. I was diagnosted with bipolar type 2 in 2006 and have since been on medication and I do therapy regularly!. I still get ups and downs (that's what bipolar illness is!.!.!.) But they are less intense and I can manage it all allot better than before!.!.!.I've made amasing progress, and I am in a happy/loving relationship!.
So, this being said, I hope your boyfriend goes and gets help soon!.
I wish you the best and hope things will work out for you both of you,
I hope I've helped, Good luck Www@Answer-Health@Com
Leave a jar of sleeping pills and a bottle of whiskey on his dresser!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
pack your bags and go, simple reallyWww@Answer-Health@Com
Jehanne,
Are you sure you want to leave your boyfriend for a start!? You say you love him!.!.!.is love not strong enough to work this relationship out!? Your boyfriend is depressed, but with the right love, attention and help, he can become the lovely person underneath the depression!. Coming from someone who was severley depressed, I seriously needed my partner when I was at my lowest, and thankfully they were there!. I do believe you should put yourself first: NEVER put yourself in danger, never get to a point where an argument could turn violent!. I'm assuming the nice side of your boyfriend comes out when he apologises!. I used to do the same thing - "I'm so sorry, I'll change, I'm sorry I'm so useless and I don't deserve you but I need you!.!.!." etc etc!.
Is your boyfriend on medication!? Please try and get him to go to his GP!. Going to a Doctor will help him enormously and if he doesn't want to take medication he can have counselling (or both if he wants it)!. If he's in work and that's putting more stress on him, the GP will make it so he doesn't have to work until the depression is fixed!.
Get help for him before you leave him!. Even if you are definitely going to leave the relationship, I think it would be the nicest thing possible if you stayed a little bit longer to make that bit of a difference to him by getting him some professional help from the GP!. Then, if he doesn't improve, atleast you've tried - and then you can walk away knowing you've done your best to help him!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Are you sure you want to leave your boyfriend for a start!? You say you love him!.!.!.is love not strong enough to work this relationship out!? Your boyfriend is depressed, but with the right love, attention and help, he can become the lovely person underneath the depression!. Coming from someone who was severley depressed, I seriously needed my partner when I was at my lowest, and thankfully they were there!. I do believe you should put yourself first: NEVER put yourself in danger, never get to a point where an argument could turn violent!. I'm assuming the nice side of your boyfriend comes out when he apologises!. I used to do the same thing - "I'm so sorry, I'll change, I'm sorry I'm so useless and I don't deserve you but I need you!.!.!." etc etc!.
Is your boyfriend on medication!? Please try and get him to go to his GP!. Going to a Doctor will help him enormously and if he doesn't want to take medication he can have counselling (or both if he wants it)!. If he's in work and that's putting more stress on him, the GP will make it so he doesn't have to work until the depression is fixed!.
Get help for him before you leave him!. Even if you are definitely going to leave the relationship, I think it would be the nicest thing possible if you stayed a little bit longer to make that bit of a difference to him by getting him some professional help from the GP!. Then, if he doesn't improve, atleast you've tried - and then you can walk away knowing you've done your best to help him!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
firstyly!.!.make him feel loved, dont let him tell himself that he is worthless, when he does tell him otherwise!.!.!.if u luv him then take him to a mental clinic where they can help him and keep for a couple of weeks or so!.!.!.he needs all the support an help he can get and ryt now ur the oly that can give it to him!. if you really want to leave him then go ahead but make sure that ur there for him evry step of the way!. if you dont want to talk to him about u leaving him then write him a letter but before u do any of that u need to take him to a mental clinic where the profesionals can help him!. x good luck xWww@Answer-Health@Com
i would contact a mental health hotline, or clinic and ask them since he is suicidal!.!.!. and when you are ready to leave contact the law or at least have a friend (perferably a large male) go with you to get your things!.!. because he sounds like an abuser to me!.!. it may not be physical but it is emotional and mental and this is not good for you!.!. but the easiest way would be for him to be admitted to a hospital somewhere for a mental evalutation and take your oppertunity to leave!.!. most states have a state run hospital who with treat regardless of your ablilty to pay!.!.!. and if all else fails go to the police!.!. tell them he has said he will kill himself if u leave and you have to get out for your own sanity, they should know what to doWww@Answer-Health@Com
Hmmmm, it sounds like you both need help in different departments!. Moving on from that guy is definitely the right answer and I think you will need to sever all ties altogether!. This will mean zero contact with him!. When someone can not control their anger, they are dangerous and need help!.
My advice would be to get together with him in a public space - like a coffee shop and tell him that you are concerned for him and that you don't think your relationship is headed in a healthy direction!. You hate watching him get depressed and you have seen that you are unable to help his situation!. Tell him that you need to break it off between you as you can't see a future for you both that will lead to both of your happiness!. Advise him to get help and then tell him that you are going to collect your things and leave that same day!.
YOU MUST get someone to go with you when you pick up your things, preferably a couple of strong male friends rather than your little sister!. You also must not take calls from him/ e-mails etc!. At the moment he sees you as the solution to his problems!. When that is infact stopping him from seeking the real solution - medical help!.
If he does try and say that he is going to harm himself, then you still need to separate yourself from him as this card will repeatedly come out every time you try and make a break!. If he threatens you, you will need to call the police and should get a restraining oreder put on him!. This is infact not that difficult to do and not really that big a deal!.
Sadly, I guarantee if you do not leave, you will not be happy until you do leave!. You have to look out for you, you can not and I stress, you CAN NOT be responsible for his actions and you must not stay with him simply because you are afraid of him or what he will do!. It sounds like he could definitely turn violent in the future and you do not want to be there when he does!.
He will try and get back together with you either by blackmail - i!.e!. saying he will or has hurt himself or by saying he has changed!. You MUST NOT get back together with him and if he does say he has hurt himself, send an ambulance, don't go see him!. If he is desperate enough to hurt himself, he could be desperate enough to hurt you!.
Take care and good luck!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
My advice would be to get together with him in a public space - like a coffee shop and tell him that you are concerned for him and that you don't think your relationship is headed in a healthy direction!. You hate watching him get depressed and you have seen that you are unable to help his situation!. Tell him that you need to break it off between you as you can't see a future for you both that will lead to both of your happiness!. Advise him to get help and then tell him that you are going to collect your things and leave that same day!.
YOU MUST get someone to go with you when you pick up your things, preferably a couple of strong male friends rather than your little sister!. You also must not take calls from him/ e-mails etc!. At the moment he sees you as the solution to his problems!. When that is infact stopping him from seeking the real solution - medical help!.
If he does try and say that he is going to harm himself, then you still need to separate yourself from him as this card will repeatedly come out every time you try and make a break!. If he threatens you, you will need to call the police and should get a restraining oreder put on him!. This is infact not that difficult to do and not really that big a deal!.
Sadly, I guarantee if you do not leave, you will not be happy until you do leave!. You have to look out for you, you can not and I stress, you CAN NOT be responsible for his actions and you must not stay with him simply because you are afraid of him or what he will do!. It sounds like he could definitely turn violent in the future and you do not want to be there when he does!.
He will try and get back together with you either by blackmail - i!.e!. saying he will or has hurt himself or by saying he has changed!. You MUST NOT get back together with him and if he does say he has hurt himself, send an ambulance, don't go see him!. If he is desperate enough to hurt himself, he could be desperate enough to hurt you!.
Take care and good luck!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Your the biggest pussy ever!. This is what happens when you grow up in a home when your parents never argue!. Dont you realize that your the only one that can help him!? Take him to the therapist!. NEVER let him say that he is worthless!. If he ever says it again say "no you are not, dont ever think of a thing like that"!. Do you want to be responsible for your boyfreind's death!? or what if he goes on a murderous rampage and kills some people!. All your fault!. Just try and help him!. Www@Answer-Health@Com