How do I make up for what they did to her?!


Question: How do I make up for what they did to her!?
What do I do to get her to believe in herself!.!.!. her family has been verbally and mentally abusing her her whole life!.!.!. she has been cutting herself on and off for almost 5 years!.!.!. i have been talking to her about it and she is stopping!.!.!. she does not want to go to therapy and i know i cant make her!.!.!. but i want her to know that she is special and that i care about her!.!.!. that she is a good person!.!.!. how do i do that!? How do i take back 20 years of abuse that she did not deserve and now has to live with everyday!.!.!.
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Answers:
Firstly, let me just congratulate you on both caring for her and for your willingness to seek some guidance in doing so - there is some good advice in the responses, so I won't be repetitive, just raise some other points from my own experience!.

Be aware that she may feel like everyone will turn on her eventually, including you - believe me, I'm not saying you will or that you give her any reason to think so, but it may be a deep-rooted self-defence mechanism that even she may not be aware of!.

Therapy would be great for her - I'm personally seeing a psychologist and it's the best thing I ever did - he's almost like a great mate now, a great mate who isn't a clinical twat, just someone who knows my story, can look at it rationally and give some good advice!.

If she ever starts hiding herself away, as in not being enthused about leaving the house, going to social events, having visitors or such, then she is showing signs of depression and should seek some help before allowing it to spiral out of control, and no, just getting out of the house doesn't necessarily make you feel better, not in the long term anyway - it means she needs to process her past and that will make her understand what she's feeling now!.

Lastly, a big THANK YOU from all the people out there who wish more people were like you!. Good luck and best wishes for you bothWww@Answer-Health@Com

You may not be able to make up for what has happened to her, but you sure can continue to care for this person and to show her how normal people care for one another!. It is great that she has you as a friend, but little by little she may see that getting some professional help may be something that she can handle!. She must have low trust in people, so try to give her time to sort things out and just be supportive of her!. If you continue to care for her and feel that she is special to you, it will be "felt" by her in time!. Seems like this may be new to her, someone being kind and supportive of her!. She is lucky to have you as a friend, take it slow and keep letting her know that you will be there for her for anything!. Good luck!. Www@Answer-Health@Com

Wow you are such a good person i really admire you (L)
Well i think you are doing everything you can maybe by her presents maybe invite her to live with you away from that hell hole you are maybe her only home make her feel like she's the best person in the world do everything u can !

I hope i helped !
And can u help me by voting me best answer i need points thank you and good luck tell that girl that she is an amazing person from me !!Www@Answer-Health@Com

You are very sweet!. What you just said to us you should keep telling her!.

I really think that this is something that may take a while, therapy is a good way for her to open up and release all the feelings she has been holding back for so long, cutting is one way for her to release and feel different!.

Maybe you can get her into a support group on line!. Once she can open up with other people that go through similar rituals, she may then be able to talk to a therapist!.

I think you should also educate your self as much as possible!. It will help you understand and possibly help her in her recovery!.

Take care and never give up!Www@Answer-Health@Com

Wow!. I wish I had someone that cared for me as much as you seem to care for her!. You have to be there for her, and let her know that you are not going anywhere!. Remind her that you love and care for her and that she is an amazing person!.

You really need to try to get her to talk to someone else!. I know you want to be able to fix her yourself but you dont know how!. As much as you care for her she is going to need more help that what you can give her!.

That does not mean give up!. DONT stop letting her know that you want to help her, and if she wants to talk to you then that is great!. Just remember not to Force her to say anything she does not want to!. Everything that she tells anyone should be on her own time!. Www@Answer-Health@Com

Maybe keeping a journal of her past experiences may help her face them and deal with them, all of them and in the near future when she is ready she may let you read it or perhaps share them with the world hoping to help others who have gone through similar ordeals!.

I am who I am today because of the pain in my childhood and I consider myself to very lucky to have survived it, when she is older I am sure she will feel the same and make sure that history does not repeat itself, like I have with my childrenWww@Answer-Health@Com

In order to heal, She needs to come to the point when she realizes that she will no longer be a victim of her past, and stand up, shake herself off, and get on with her life!. Or, she will be a victim for the rest of her life!. Counseling will help!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

you can't change her past but what you can do is be there for her if she wants to talk about it!. i'd avoid bringing whatever it is up unless she wants to talk about it!. you don't need to tell her you care about, she'll know if she doesn't already Www@Answer-Health@Com

Loving her is the best you can do its tough for her if she ever feels upset just say im here & dont worryWww@Answer-Health@Com

She has to first realize she has a problem and needs therapy!. That will be her first and best step to recovery!. You being there to show her that she is loved and cared for is great!! Do not stop that either!. But YOU CANNOT TAKE BACK the 20 years of abuse!. That is something out of your hands!. You have to realize and understand that it is something out of your control!. As much as it hurts and as much as you want to take it away, you can't!. Just keep supporting her, and if you would seek therapy to help you deal with the pain and to help find out what you can do to make her feel better, if she sees that you are going to therapy and that it is helping you, that may lead her to want to try it!. We learn from what we see, babies as well as adults!. So if you put more in front of her to see that is a positive step, it could help her to learn or want to take those baby steps to recovery!. It is not an over night fix, it will take time!. And from what you have said, you are willing to stick with her all the way!. NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE THAT CARING ANYMORE, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!! God will lead your foot steps and you both are in my prayers!.Www@Answer-Health@Com





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