We went to counseling-now what?!!?!
Question: We went to counseling-now what!?!!!?
this is a continuance of my questions the other night!.it's long but please read it all-it's important as I don't understand guys at all!.
my bf (of 4 years) and I got into a huge fight on sunday and we almost broke up!. we've been having a rough few months b/c I'm having issues w/being too stressed out,uptight,and yelling too much!. I'm in counseling to help change this b/c I want to be a better person (and nicer person to my bf AND my 3 little girls)!.
we had a counseling session scheduled yesterday that i was afraid he would bail on but he didn't!. we had a good talk!. the therapist suggested us taking a 3 week break from seeing each other and only calling once a week!. this IS being super hard on me b/c my bf and I were spending practically ALL of our time (outside of work and the few errands we did alone) together!. I agreed to it!. my bf was asked by the therapist beforehand if he wanted to break up or take space and my bf said take space!. we agreed we didn't want to date anyone else but my bf mentioned he'd gotten a girl's number (an older lady who is japanese and doesn't speak much english) at work b/c she was being fired and had asked him to teach her how to fly the rc airplanes he had built!. He asked me if it was ok for this girl to come over to his house so he could teach her-I said no and he understood (he said he didnt want me being around other guys either)!. He did ask me to come over and get my cat after the session b/c she had peed on his couch twice!.
I came over to get her and we ended up spending 4 hours talking!. He said that he loved me and the kids and wanted to spend happily ever after with us but we had to be HAPPY!. we couldn't fight anymore (outside of normal couple fighting) and I agreed!. I promised to change and make things better!. He initally wanted me to stay the night but I said no b/c the therapist told us space!. he wanted to sleep with me but I said it would just make me more confused and that he had to be 100% sure he wanted to be with me and he said he was-he was just afraid that we are going to fight again!. We both decided that me going home was best!. as I was leaving, he held me tight then cupped my face and said "I love you with all my heart!." and I left!.
but I'm weak and I came back!. we talked for a couple of more hours (holding and kissing each other) and he said that I really should go home b/c right now, his head feels scrambled and he needs the time and space to bounce back!. he said I need the space to get myself happy and healthy so we can be ok as a couple!. He said he'll miss me like crazy and the house feels empty w/out me and the kids there!.
when i came over the first time, I had brought our pictures back into the house (he had them in the garage along with some of my other stuff)!. I hung one on the fridge and put two more in his bedroom (on his dresser and nightstand)!. I left the others on the counter in the kitchen!. when I came back the second time, he had put them back into the garge-this scared and upset me!. He said he did it b/c he didnt have the energy to hang them all back up and didn't want them to get scratched or ruined!.
I came back over today to have him look at my car (it's been having issues)!. He had taken the shelf my daughter was using for her clothes and moved it into the living room to put his mouse charger and a candle I gave him on it (they were on the floor before) and had also hung the paintings that I had moved out of my other daughters' room back on the walls-he said he didn't like them in the living room and was just cleaning up!. the pictures I had put up were still there though!.
I started to cry and told him I was deathly afraid that I was slowly losing him-that no matter how hard I tried to change, it wasn't going to be enough b/c I had hurt him so much!. he said to calm down and take care of myself!. he then reached his hand out to me and pulled me into his lap, kissing me on the forehead and smoothing my hair!. He said that this past year he's been focusing all his energy on making sure my bills were paid and the kids and I were ok, he just needed to take a step back for a while and focus on him!. I told him I didn't want to lose him and he said "did you ever stop to think I might not want to lose you either!?" then he said I needed to go so he could eat and relax some plus I needed to relax before work!. I started to cry again and said I was sorry!.
As I was leaving, he got up and gave me a big hug and kiss saying "I love you, don't be sorry, I understand exactly how you feel,it's ok!." He said he would call me next Friday as planned!. I told him he wouldn't know I was a changed person if he wasn't around (the space) and he said that he'd be able to hear it in my voice on Friday and then he'd know we are ok!.
thoughts!?!! i'm really scared i've lost the love of my life!!!
Www@Answer-Health@Com
my bf (of 4 years) and I got into a huge fight on sunday and we almost broke up!. we've been having a rough few months b/c I'm having issues w/being too stressed out,uptight,and yelling too much!. I'm in counseling to help change this b/c I want to be a better person (and nicer person to my bf AND my 3 little girls)!.
we had a counseling session scheduled yesterday that i was afraid he would bail on but he didn't!. we had a good talk!. the therapist suggested us taking a 3 week break from seeing each other and only calling once a week!. this IS being super hard on me b/c my bf and I were spending practically ALL of our time (outside of work and the few errands we did alone) together!. I agreed to it!. my bf was asked by the therapist beforehand if he wanted to break up or take space and my bf said take space!. we agreed we didn't want to date anyone else but my bf mentioned he'd gotten a girl's number (an older lady who is japanese and doesn't speak much english) at work b/c she was being fired and had asked him to teach her how to fly the rc airplanes he had built!. He asked me if it was ok for this girl to come over to his house so he could teach her-I said no and he understood (he said he didnt want me being around other guys either)!. He did ask me to come over and get my cat after the session b/c she had peed on his couch twice!.
I came over to get her and we ended up spending 4 hours talking!. He said that he loved me and the kids and wanted to spend happily ever after with us but we had to be HAPPY!. we couldn't fight anymore (outside of normal couple fighting) and I agreed!. I promised to change and make things better!. He initally wanted me to stay the night but I said no b/c the therapist told us space!. he wanted to sleep with me but I said it would just make me more confused and that he had to be 100% sure he wanted to be with me and he said he was-he was just afraid that we are going to fight again!. We both decided that me going home was best!. as I was leaving, he held me tight then cupped my face and said "I love you with all my heart!." and I left!.
but I'm weak and I came back!. we talked for a couple of more hours (holding and kissing each other) and he said that I really should go home b/c right now, his head feels scrambled and he needs the time and space to bounce back!. he said I need the space to get myself happy and healthy so we can be ok as a couple!. He said he'll miss me like crazy and the house feels empty w/out me and the kids there!.
when i came over the first time, I had brought our pictures back into the house (he had them in the garage along with some of my other stuff)!. I hung one on the fridge and put two more in his bedroom (on his dresser and nightstand)!. I left the others on the counter in the kitchen!. when I came back the second time, he had put them back into the garge-this scared and upset me!. He said he did it b/c he didnt have the energy to hang them all back up and didn't want them to get scratched or ruined!.
I came back over today to have him look at my car (it's been having issues)!. He had taken the shelf my daughter was using for her clothes and moved it into the living room to put his mouse charger and a candle I gave him on it (they were on the floor before) and had also hung the paintings that I had moved out of my other daughters' room back on the walls-he said he didn't like them in the living room and was just cleaning up!. the pictures I had put up were still there though!.
I started to cry and told him I was deathly afraid that I was slowly losing him-that no matter how hard I tried to change, it wasn't going to be enough b/c I had hurt him so much!. he said to calm down and take care of myself!. he then reached his hand out to me and pulled me into his lap, kissing me on the forehead and smoothing my hair!. He said that this past year he's been focusing all his energy on making sure my bills were paid and the kids and I were ok, he just needed to take a step back for a while and focus on him!. I told him I didn't want to lose him and he said "did you ever stop to think I might not want to lose you either!?" then he said I needed to go so he could eat and relax some plus I needed to relax before work!. I started to cry again and said I was sorry!.
As I was leaving, he got up and gave me a big hug and kiss saying "I love you, don't be sorry, I understand exactly how you feel,it's ok!." He said he would call me next Friday as planned!. I told him he wouldn't know I was a changed person if he wasn't around (the space) and he said that he'd be able to hear it in my voice on Friday and then he'd know we are ok!.
thoughts!?!! i'm really scared i've lost the love of my life!!!
Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
When you show him that you are able to live your life for you, he is going find that a real turn on!. If you like being with yourself alone, then he is going to like being with you, and this inner strength will leave him questioning his decision to take a breather!. (He has already shown you that) Do a search on the internet for "The Laws of Attraction" it might help you to understand a bit more about yourself!.
You are 100% responsible for your unhappiness, but he is also responsible for his unhappiness, in that he encouraged your leaning on him financially and emotionally for so long!.
Show yourself that you are capable of making some decisions in your life and sticking to them!. That shows strength!. Live for today!. Keep today busy and active, so that you can see that you can have fun on your own!. It is time to challenge yourself!. If you are not one to go to a coffee shop on your own, then now is the time to show yourself you can!.!.!.just take a book/magazine with you to read!. Trying new things will be liberating and empowering!. Take control of your life right now and decide how much time you want to spend thinking about your b/f!. Maybe it is 30 minutes three times a day!. Book those times in your daytimer, when you find yourself thinking or pining for him, then you are not showing yourself love, and you have to take control of your thoughts and your actions and invest them into something that is for you, something to help you move forward!. This time on your own is all about becoming aware of your self and the lack of control you have in your life!. If you can't control your thoughts and behaviors then it becomes an obsession, and that isn't healthy!. Spending this time apart by thinking about his every move is going to take time away from helping yourself get to a better place and that would be very defeating because it wont have taught you to grow and make the change he needs to see!. Good luck! Www@Answer-Health@Com
You are 100% responsible for your unhappiness, but he is also responsible for his unhappiness, in that he encouraged your leaning on him financially and emotionally for so long!.
Show yourself that you are capable of making some decisions in your life and sticking to them!. That shows strength!. Live for today!. Keep today busy and active, so that you can see that you can have fun on your own!. It is time to challenge yourself!. If you are not one to go to a coffee shop on your own, then now is the time to show yourself you can!.!.!.just take a book/magazine with you to read!. Trying new things will be liberating and empowering!. Take control of your life right now and decide how much time you want to spend thinking about your b/f!. Maybe it is 30 minutes three times a day!. Book those times in your daytimer, when you find yourself thinking or pining for him, then you are not showing yourself love, and you have to take control of your thoughts and your actions and invest them into something that is for you, something to help you move forward!. This time on your own is all about becoming aware of your self and the lack of control you have in your life!. If you can't control your thoughts and behaviors then it becomes an obsession, and that isn't healthy!. Spending this time apart by thinking about his every move is going to take time away from helping yourself get to a better place and that would be very defeating because it wont have taught you to grow and make the change he needs to see!. Good luck! Www@Answer-Health@Com
I will tell you from experience that you have nowhere close to lost him!. He is being extremely understanding, and you really need to calm down and accept the gift he's giving you!. He's giving you a chance- time and space to get things together so he can make sure it works this time!. That is very generous and patient given the way you said you've been acting!. Please don't keep losing it in front of him and make him regret what he's doing!. You can get through this, but be strong, and show him that you are strong enough to become a better person who isn't going to fall apart without him!. That will draw him closer to you!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
What your are doing now is very courageous and your boyfriend's actions speak very loudly that he wishes you to succeed and is doing what he can to make this work!.
But now is the time to focus on you and your children!. Look at the space you have been given in your relationship as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and to gain insight into all of your relationships, safe in the knowledge he in particular waits for you!.
Turn to yourself and turn to your therapist!. With your leadership, he/she will assist you toward a new, stronger you!. We all have options we overlook in times of struggle!. Therapy is where you will learn to see this!. Look further that your immediate situation and experiment with the idea there is much more to life than you are seeing right now!. Make it your job is to explore beyond what you think you know now and discover what you need to know to make this work!.
Take careWww@Answer-Health@Com
But now is the time to focus on you and your children!. Look at the space you have been given in your relationship as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and to gain insight into all of your relationships, safe in the knowledge he in particular waits for you!.
Turn to yourself and turn to your therapist!. With your leadership, he/she will assist you toward a new, stronger you!. We all have options we overlook in times of struggle!. Therapy is where you will learn to see this!. Look further that your immediate situation and experiment with the idea there is much more to life than you are seeing right now!. Make it your job is to explore beyond what you think you know now and discover what you need to know to make this work!.
Take careWww@Answer-Health@Com