Is it wrong to feel attached to your counsellor?!
Question: Is it wrong to feel attached to your counsellor!?
I feel a connection with my councillor that i don't feel with anyone else, i have had problems with trust and stuff due to abuse etc!. I feel i can really trust her and can tell her most think!. The other day when i was leaving she gave me a hug which made me breakdown as i have never had that in my life , were someone shows they care!. She is really understanding and caring and i just wish she could have been my parent and maybe i wouldn't be like i amWww@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Hi,
I completely understand where your coming from!. I have borderline personality disorder and I find I often get attached to people, especially caring professionals that come into my life!. I don't think anyone can fully say it's wrong or right!. I think to have a good theraputic relationship there needs to be a bond of trust etc and when your telling someone such personal issues and you feel understood and cared for its nearly impossible not to feel something for them! I was very attached to a counsellor I had over a year ago!. Even though It was good from the point of view I felt so at ease, cared for etc with her it did present it's problems!. I think it comes to a point when you feel you could never live without them and you start caring about your relationship with them and how they feel about you etc instead of your main focus of the issues at hand because you have finally found someone who makes you feel better!. I think its a harsh realtity that these people are not really friends and they are mainly doing their job and the hard fact that they will most likely no longer be part of your life can be something really har dto deal with when sessions stop and I myself have had this problem!. I too have wished my counsellor was my parent, my friend, a sibling etc but i think that too is a problem because it can never happen and it only leads to disapointment!.
I currently have a key worker and I already know I am very attached to her, I tried very hard not to be after the painful loss of the previous coounsellor but its extremely hard not to feel connected to someone who is caring for you!.
This is a really contraversal topic in many ways!. you will get many people who say its not really appropriate (they are usually those who either havent been part of the counsellor/client relationship) or those who work professionally and have a very clear thought on how professionals and clients should feel towards one another!. However I think if you ask most people who have actually been on teh recieving end of a counselling type relationship they will feel similar to yourself!.
My key worker gave me a hug for the first time the other day and I have been seeing her for nearly a year! A hug can mean the world to someone who feels alone and hurt in the world and really we are all only human and I dont think it's possible for a good counsellor not to feel something towards their clients, even if they dont wish to admit it!
My advice/thoughts are: You are lucky to have a good relationship with your counsellor, cherish it whilst you have it!. Use the positive repore to help you get through your issues and try to make sure solving these issues is your main aim and not wanting to be closer to your counsellor as thats when problems arise!. Perhaps tell her how you feel and ask her what she thinks!. I know its hard but keep reminding yourself that this person cannot be part of your personal life, they are doing their job by caring and trying to help
best wishes!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I completely understand where your coming from!. I have borderline personality disorder and I find I often get attached to people, especially caring professionals that come into my life!. I don't think anyone can fully say it's wrong or right!. I think to have a good theraputic relationship there needs to be a bond of trust etc and when your telling someone such personal issues and you feel understood and cared for its nearly impossible not to feel something for them! I was very attached to a counsellor I had over a year ago!. Even though It was good from the point of view I felt so at ease, cared for etc with her it did present it's problems!. I think it comes to a point when you feel you could never live without them and you start caring about your relationship with them and how they feel about you etc instead of your main focus of the issues at hand because you have finally found someone who makes you feel better!. I think its a harsh realtity that these people are not really friends and they are mainly doing their job and the hard fact that they will most likely no longer be part of your life can be something really har dto deal with when sessions stop and I myself have had this problem!. I too have wished my counsellor was my parent, my friend, a sibling etc but i think that too is a problem because it can never happen and it only leads to disapointment!.
I currently have a key worker and I already know I am very attached to her, I tried very hard not to be after the painful loss of the previous coounsellor but its extremely hard not to feel connected to someone who is caring for you!.
This is a really contraversal topic in many ways!. you will get many people who say its not really appropriate (they are usually those who either havent been part of the counsellor/client relationship) or those who work professionally and have a very clear thought on how professionals and clients should feel towards one another!. However I think if you ask most people who have actually been on teh recieving end of a counselling type relationship they will feel similar to yourself!.
My key worker gave me a hug for the first time the other day and I have been seeing her for nearly a year! A hug can mean the world to someone who feels alone and hurt in the world and really we are all only human and I dont think it's possible for a good counsellor not to feel something towards their clients, even if they dont wish to admit it!
My advice/thoughts are: You are lucky to have a good relationship with your counsellor, cherish it whilst you have it!. Use the positive repore to help you get through your issues and try to make sure solving these issues is your main aim and not wanting to be closer to your counsellor as thats when problems arise!. Perhaps tell her how you feel and ask her what she thinks!. I know its hard but keep reminding yourself that this person cannot be part of your personal life, they are doing their job by caring and trying to help
best wishes!Www@Answer-Health@Com
It is not difficult to see how people become attached to their therapist - but it is something that you should try to avoid because it has risks for both of you!. For you, you could begin to attribute your future progress to this person - when it is important for you to see it as the reward for your own efforts!. From her point of view, she has to maintain a professional relationship with you - the sole purpose of which is enable you to regain control over your own situation - and this is for the during the counselling relationship only!. Anything else would corrupt the purpose of therapy!. If you feel that you are becoming dependent on this person emotionally, I would advise that you discuss it with her on your next session!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
You're not on your own there, i think most people who have counselling do get attached to their counsellers!. I have a friend who had counselling a few years back and he used to talk about her non stop about how easily he could talk to her etc, and she says this and that and the other!. Its a natural thing, but you may find a huge chunk missing out of your life once you stop the sessions, and that will be her!. My friend felt that, but you have to adapt!. Good luck and hope the counselling is working for you as it sounds like it isWww@Answer-Health@Com
Part of the job of a counsellor is to build up a relationship of trust and security, to enable them to help you!. It sounds as if yours is doing a fine job!. So, no, it's not wrong to feel an attachment to her!.
A hug, the touch of another human being who shows they care, is a powerful thing and it's important that you don't confuse that compassionate care with something else!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
A hug, the touch of another human being who shows they care, is a powerful thing and it's important that you don't confuse that compassionate care with something else!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
It's my understanding that an attachment to a counselor is normal because of the reasons you've detailed!.
I'm glad your attachment isn't sexual, because it would be very wrong for a counselor to act on those feelings!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm glad your attachment isn't sexual, because it would be very wrong for a counselor to act on those feelings!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
It's only human nature to feel attached to somebody who listens to your problems with a sympathetic ear, but at the end of the day it's their job and you must respect this!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
im attached to my counselor, it's natural i guess to build op a load of trust when you tell someone so muchWww@Answer-Health@Com
It is not unusual!.Www@Answer-Health@Com