Suicidal Ideation Necessity?!
Question: Suicidal Ideation Necessity!?
Okay!. For the past 8-10 years, I've been in chronic state of suicidality!. In the past 4 years or so, I literally think about killing myself every day!. But I haven't made any attempt or have no courage of pulling the plug!. I don't have any friends, and I feel excrutiatingly lonely!. Everytime, I force myself to social interact with people, I come back my room, feeling utterly exhausted and depression!. BTW, please don't label me with names of psychopathology!. I am not the label!. And please don't say things like joining church, call the distress center or get professional help crap!.
My question is, how can therapy help for someone like me!? I am highly cynical, and view that the world is not a good place, and i hate people!. (don't worry, i am not going to shoot people around with gun!.)
Even when I am in most logical state, I know that I will get depressed soon and maybe suicide is the only option!. I feel like I've been pushed to corners, but have no where to run!. Tons of people label me, judge me, or give those non-verbal looks!. And I've interviewed over 10 therapists and still feel hopeless about my future!. Please, don't say that you are depressed so your judgment is foggy crap!. I don't feel depressed at all!. Even under suicidal state, I study for the exam tomorrow!. I wash my hair everyday with enthuasism, to disappoint you!.
I expect people to treat me like a crap (everytime i say something, people either literally ignore me as if i didnt' say anything, or give negative feedback!.) - and I can't fight this vicious cycle!.
The only thing i am doing to is stopping this feeling temporarily by forcing myself sleep!. And when I wake up, I feel neutral!. But I am fully aware all the reasons why I'd better die!.
I am not saying I want to die!.
I want to live!.
I want to feel secure, and maybe secure-neutral happy!.
But based on all the reasons, it seems as though i have no reason to sustain this life!.
I feel like everyday I am just shutting my self out and try hard to overcome this!. Yes!. The mood passes, but facts remains- no matter what!. And this haunts me even when I am in good mood!.
The therapists I've been to!.!.
- I felt like that they are money greedy people, whom i pay to listen to!.
- therapists assuem everything i say is distorted!. (what I need is compromise, not dismissing all my thoughts and beliefs!.)
I have no one!. Seriously!. I have parents adn bro!. I am such a shame to my family!. (please don't tell me go talk to your parents and ask for help crap!. They are my parents, but i need to protect them as well!.)
I am posting this out of desperation because I want someone to give me new authentic perspective!.
Please, I am begging you, people!. Do not post any midiocre messages like go to nearest hospital, try exercise, life is unfair, sometimes life is hard but you gotta hang in there crap!. - I've heard all of those thousand of times, and I am still here!.
And I'd really appreciate if you aren't being so harsh on your comment!. I am very "sensitive" person and please have some mercy!.
thank you for reading!.!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
My question is, how can therapy help for someone like me!? I am highly cynical, and view that the world is not a good place, and i hate people!. (don't worry, i am not going to shoot people around with gun!.)
Even when I am in most logical state, I know that I will get depressed soon and maybe suicide is the only option!. I feel like I've been pushed to corners, but have no where to run!. Tons of people label me, judge me, or give those non-verbal looks!. And I've interviewed over 10 therapists and still feel hopeless about my future!. Please, don't say that you are depressed so your judgment is foggy crap!. I don't feel depressed at all!. Even under suicidal state, I study for the exam tomorrow!. I wash my hair everyday with enthuasism, to disappoint you!.
I expect people to treat me like a crap (everytime i say something, people either literally ignore me as if i didnt' say anything, or give negative feedback!.) - and I can't fight this vicious cycle!.
The only thing i am doing to is stopping this feeling temporarily by forcing myself sleep!. And when I wake up, I feel neutral!. But I am fully aware all the reasons why I'd better die!.
I am not saying I want to die!.
I want to live!.
I want to feel secure, and maybe secure-neutral happy!.
But based on all the reasons, it seems as though i have no reason to sustain this life!.
I feel like everyday I am just shutting my self out and try hard to overcome this!. Yes!. The mood passes, but facts remains- no matter what!. And this haunts me even when I am in good mood!.
The therapists I've been to!.!.
- I felt like that they are money greedy people, whom i pay to listen to!.
- therapists assuem everything i say is distorted!. (what I need is compromise, not dismissing all my thoughts and beliefs!.)
I have no one!. Seriously!. I have parents adn bro!. I am such a shame to my family!. (please don't tell me go talk to your parents and ask for help crap!. They are my parents, but i need to protect them as well!.)
I am posting this out of desperation because I want someone to give me new authentic perspective!.
Please, I am begging you, people!. Do not post any midiocre messages like go to nearest hospital, try exercise, life is unfair, sometimes life is hard but you gotta hang in there crap!. - I've heard all of those thousand of times, and I am still here!.
And I'd really appreciate if you aren't being so harsh on your comment!. I am very "sensitive" person and please have some mercy!.
thank you for reading!.!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
It sounds to me like you are viewing and acting out life in a very pessimistic way!. Life sucks for everyone, not just you!. We all have jobs, problems, and worries and sometimes feel like ending it!. But ending it only solves your problem, it makes more for those that care about you!. And yes there is someone out there that does care about you!. It may be a chemical thing in your brain or maybe a behavioral trait you learned but you can change the way you look at life, and only you can change it!.
Find something you enjoy doing and then do it!. Find something you find beautiful and seek it!.
not the answer you want!? tough!. you pretty much asked for nobody to answer your question the way you stated it!. Try opening up your mind to the possibilities you are capable of doing rather than focusing on all the things that drag you down!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
Find something you enjoy doing and then do it!. Find something you find beautiful and seek it!.
not the answer you want!? tough!. you pretty much asked for nobody to answer your question the way you stated it!. Try opening up your mind to the possibilities you are capable of doing rather than focusing on all the things that drag you down!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
there is so much more things in the world out there!.!.!.start an adventure!. go to a different country!. you will find something you really love to do and find friends who will come naturally!. cliche, but there is always hopeWww@Answer-Health@Com
ok so is your biggest problem is not having anyone!? and when you try to fix that problem and talk to people you feel you are socially inept!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
call this number!. 1800 273 8255Www@Answer-Health@Com
I have really severe depression and it's caused all sorts of other things, mainly social anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I've found ways of getting around!.
First of all, I'm not going to say "I know how you feel", because I don't, and I hate when people say that to me, but I do know what it feels like being so depressed that it hurts to wake up every morning!. I don't think doctors do any good, and from the sound of it, you don't either!. I used to take prozac and some other stuff, but honestly I think it hurt more than it helped!.
When I went to the psychiatric hospital, I felt like my parents, my friends, everyone was deserting me, and in a way, they were, because they didn't know what to do with me, and couldn't help me!. But it depressed me even more!. Doctors think they can sit with you for an hour, and know your life story and magically cure you, but they have no idea!.
The only thing that ever helped me was getting my boyfriend!. We met through myspace, because he was really shy and I would lock myself in my room and just sit on the computer for days!. Then we started talking at school, and now, two years later, we're getting married and we're trying to have a child!.
That's the best thing you can do, is find someone who will hold you when you don't even want to be held, someone who will come over at 4 in the morning because you're so upset that you're screaming!.
So to answer your question, therapy and things like that really don't help that often!. You have to want to be helped, you have to be able to think "it's going to be fine", to be successful, and in a depressed state, that's almost impossible!. So find a friend, or a love who can help you think like that, and that's how it will help!. That's the only way in my opinion!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
First of all, I'm not going to say "I know how you feel", because I don't, and I hate when people say that to me, but I do know what it feels like being so depressed that it hurts to wake up every morning!. I don't think doctors do any good, and from the sound of it, you don't either!. I used to take prozac and some other stuff, but honestly I think it hurt more than it helped!.
When I went to the psychiatric hospital, I felt like my parents, my friends, everyone was deserting me, and in a way, they were, because they didn't know what to do with me, and couldn't help me!. But it depressed me even more!. Doctors think they can sit with you for an hour, and know your life story and magically cure you, but they have no idea!.
The only thing that ever helped me was getting my boyfriend!. We met through myspace, because he was really shy and I would lock myself in my room and just sit on the computer for days!. Then we started talking at school, and now, two years later, we're getting married and we're trying to have a child!.
That's the best thing you can do, is find someone who will hold you when you don't even want to be held, someone who will come over at 4 in the morning because you're so upset that you're screaming!.
So to answer your question, therapy and things like that really don't help that often!. You have to want to be helped, you have to be able to think "it's going to be fine", to be successful, and in a depressed state, that's almost impossible!. So find a friend, or a love who can help you think like that, and that's how it will help!. That's the only way in my opinion!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
First of all!.!.!.I think your post was extremely honest!.
You said you interviewed 10 therapists!. Does this mean you've not actually tried any out!? You won't know how therapy is going to work unless you actually try it and put your faith in someone!. You do need to find someone you click with which can be tricky!.
Maybe research different therapy types, like psychodynamic and cognitive-behavioural therapy and try different types of therapy!. Psychodynamic is talk-therapy and the therapist doesn't give you advice but believes you have the answers and can solve your problems and is basically a coach and helps you to uncover why you act and think the way you do!. Cognitive-behavioural helps you to change your thinking patterns!. They won't focus on your past (childhood) or anything too intently but focus on the present and what you can do now!. They give advice but if you're sensitive and are reluctant to treatment, this might not be an option for you becasue you will fight them all the way!. In Psychodynamic therapy there is no one to fight against and it helps you come to terms with things!. But you have to decide which is right for you!. There are other types as well, but these are the ones I know best!.
As for therapists being money hungry!.!.!.it's hard not to think that with how much they are!. You mentioned or alluded to the fact you are in school!. You should get free counselling if you are in school (college/university)!. If not, you should look into purchasing extended healthcare benefits and go to someone who is covered under a plan if money is a big issue for you!.
I think about it this way!.!.!.!.you'd take the time, effort and money to get yourself well if you had cancer, depression and suicidal thoughts are a disease of their own kind that also need help!.
Honestly, for therapy to work, you have to being willing to do the work!. Be willing to stick with it when it gets tough (because it will get worse before it gets better - that's a given) and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to let someone else help you!.
I understand your situation to some degree!. I have just started therapy and find it daunting and am also hiding it from everyone!.
If getting better is something you seriously want to do, you have to do the work and put the effort into staying in therapy!. Everything you wrote would be a good example of what you should tell a therapist in your first session!. The better they know/understand you, the better they can help you!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
You said you interviewed 10 therapists!. Does this mean you've not actually tried any out!? You won't know how therapy is going to work unless you actually try it and put your faith in someone!. You do need to find someone you click with which can be tricky!.
Maybe research different therapy types, like psychodynamic and cognitive-behavioural therapy and try different types of therapy!. Psychodynamic is talk-therapy and the therapist doesn't give you advice but believes you have the answers and can solve your problems and is basically a coach and helps you to uncover why you act and think the way you do!. Cognitive-behavioural helps you to change your thinking patterns!. They won't focus on your past (childhood) or anything too intently but focus on the present and what you can do now!. They give advice but if you're sensitive and are reluctant to treatment, this might not be an option for you becasue you will fight them all the way!. In Psychodynamic therapy there is no one to fight against and it helps you come to terms with things!. But you have to decide which is right for you!. There are other types as well, but these are the ones I know best!.
As for therapists being money hungry!.!.!.it's hard not to think that with how much they are!. You mentioned or alluded to the fact you are in school!. You should get free counselling if you are in school (college/university)!. If not, you should look into purchasing extended healthcare benefits and go to someone who is covered under a plan if money is a big issue for you!.
I think about it this way!.!.!.!.you'd take the time, effort and money to get yourself well if you had cancer, depression and suicidal thoughts are a disease of their own kind that also need help!.
Honestly, for therapy to work, you have to being willing to do the work!. Be willing to stick with it when it gets tough (because it will get worse before it gets better - that's a given) and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to let someone else help you!.
I understand your situation to some degree!. I have just started therapy and find it daunting and am also hiding it from everyone!.
If getting better is something you seriously want to do, you have to do the work and put the effort into staying in therapy!. Everything you wrote would be a good example of what you should tell a therapist in your first session!. The better they know/understand you, the better they can help you!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
I would just like to say you have tripped me the f**k out because,
i though i was the only one out there that felt this f**ked up and alone, intelligant enough to recognise their weeknesses, and smart enough to know the crap (mentioned above) is not going to help sort out my dump truck load of sticky, messy baggaged life!.!.
I posted something alone the same lines myself!.!.!. have a read, drop me a line if you want to chat!.!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
i though i was the only one out there that felt this f**ked up and alone, intelligant enough to recognise their weeknesses, and smart enough to know the crap (mentioned above) is not going to help sort out my dump truck load of sticky, messy baggaged life!.!.
I posted something alone the same lines myself!.!.!. have a read, drop me a line if you want to chat!.!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
Hey bud,
It sounds like you don't really like yourself too much, and thats something I'd work on!. I've been in the same boat as you before!. I used to get depressed and anxious over social stuff which was pretty ridiculous!. I would feel inadequate to everyone else because I was always comparing myself to others!. I'd always criticize myself for saying awkward things, and I felt out of place!. This is really general, but at one point I was at the point where I thought about suicide!. I'm not exactly sure if this is what you are going through!.
What I learned from this: people show little respect for those who cannot respect themselves!. You have to show some pride in yourself, and people will see this and like it!. No one likes a downer because it brings their mood down!. Get passionate about something you really like!. Never be ashamed of who you are because of others!. Have faith that in the end things are going to be alright!.
If you're concerned about your appearance, work on it!. Go to the gym, push yourself, get active!. I know this is really hard to do when you're feeling shitty but it takes your mind off how you feel!. Try new hair styles, try changing your wardrobe!.
If you're concerned about how you act around others, analyze what makes you feel out of place among them!. Is it you, or is it them!?
Lastly, I think you'd be surprised to find that more people consider as a friend than you think!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
It sounds like you don't really like yourself too much, and thats something I'd work on!. I've been in the same boat as you before!. I used to get depressed and anxious over social stuff which was pretty ridiculous!. I would feel inadequate to everyone else because I was always comparing myself to others!. I'd always criticize myself for saying awkward things, and I felt out of place!. This is really general, but at one point I was at the point where I thought about suicide!. I'm not exactly sure if this is what you are going through!.
What I learned from this: people show little respect for those who cannot respect themselves!. You have to show some pride in yourself, and people will see this and like it!. No one likes a downer because it brings their mood down!. Get passionate about something you really like!. Never be ashamed of who you are because of others!. Have faith that in the end things are going to be alright!.
If you're concerned about your appearance, work on it!. Go to the gym, push yourself, get active!. I know this is really hard to do when you're feeling shitty but it takes your mind off how you feel!. Try new hair styles, try changing your wardrobe!.
If you're concerned about how you act around others, analyze what makes you feel out of place among them!. Is it you, or is it them!?
Lastly, I think you'd be surprised to find that more people consider as a friend than you think!. Www@Answer-Health@Com
As long as you have some free time, you might as well put
it to positive use: There's a book that I'm currently reading,
which I think could be very helpful to you!.
It's called "The Voice of Knowkledge"
(It was originally published in 2002; its author is Don Miguel
Ruiz!.)
Give it a try!Www@Answer-Health@Com
it to positive use: There's a book that I'm currently reading,
which I think could be very helpful to you!.
It's called "The Voice of Knowkledge"
(It was originally published in 2002; its author is Don Miguel
Ruiz!.)
Give it a try!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Guess what! I understand what you are saying and have lived this hellish nightmare!. Today, I am free from suicidal ideation!. For at least a year straight - the feeling of dying was on my mind daily!. I didn't have a plan - I was just sick of living with one day running into another and feeling alone and afraid!. It didn't seem like anyone cared or understood!. When I went to the hospital to get an evaluation - there was no room for me so I just went home!.
There seemed to be something driving me to destroy myself!. I really wanted to live too - but didn't know how or where to start!. For me my first solution to the insanity was to talk to God on my bed!. I told Him I cannot live like this anymore!. I got prayer from a true Christian who really loves God and has a relationship with Him!. It seems that I was filled with hatred and couldn't enjoy anything around me!. I didn't laugh or smile for a whole year!. Nothing was funny!. Recently, I did a stand up comedy show about depression and got a standing ovation!. I used all my past experience with loss, divorce, depression and addiction to move on!. Life is not always smooth sailing and I still have moods I get into - but nothing like what I used to!. Certain seasons - like the fall here in Canada is challenging!. I have learned to be gentle with myself and have to use boundaries with people that upset me!. When I am in nature or listening to soothing music - I feel a lot better!. I was diagnosed also with a chronic pain disorder too!. I'm learning that I am a priority now and I have to take baby steps in caring for myself!. I'm glad to be able to feel good feelings - like joy and contentment - not hatred, bitterness, fear and rage!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
There seemed to be something driving me to destroy myself!. I really wanted to live too - but didn't know how or where to start!. For me my first solution to the insanity was to talk to God on my bed!. I told Him I cannot live like this anymore!. I got prayer from a true Christian who really loves God and has a relationship with Him!. It seems that I was filled with hatred and couldn't enjoy anything around me!. I didn't laugh or smile for a whole year!. Nothing was funny!. Recently, I did a stand up comedy show about depression and got a standing ovation!. I used all my past experience with loss, divorce, depression and addiction to move on!. Life is not always smooth sailing and I still have moods I get into - but nothing like what I used to!. Certain seasons - like the fall here in Canada is challenging!. I have learned to be gentle with myself and have to use boundaries with people that upset me!. When I am in nature or listening to soothing music - I feel a lot better!. I was diagnosed also with a chronic pain disorder too!. I'm learning that I am a priority now and I have to take baby steps in caring for myself!. I'm glad to be able to feel good feelings - like joy and contentment - not hatred, bitterness, fear and rage!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Although you may feel that therapists are just taking your money, they can help a lot!. I was in a similar position, although I went for help sooner than you did!. I have not seen any mention of medication that you have tried!. Generally a doctor will not prescribe this to you for the first couple of months while they evaluate you!. Although you may feel it is degrading to take medicine, it wasn't all that bad!. After a year and half of therapy, with a check in every couple months with my doctor afterward, I was taken off medication and I lead a fairly normal life!. Of course you'll always be behind slightly because you will have missed out on some things in your seclusion, life will be better!. If you didn't like the therapists you went to, maybe you need to find someone you can connect to!. Luckily I found one suitable to me on my first try, but it's possible you've had bad luck searching!.
If you're not comfortable looking for more help, try music!. Anything that's downbeat can be good, you can relate it to your own problems and sort of mellow yourself out!. Reading may be more your cup of tea!? I also picked up guitar so that I can play some of the songs that make me feel better, an added plus to add to your social arsenal when you are better!. Also, it's nice to try to make friends online!. Generally you can find someone your age whom you can connect to and discuss problems with!. That's how I started out before I went to therapy, I always had them to talk to and make me feel better!. You say you've been this way for 8-10 years so I feel you are much older than I am, so a relationship like this may not work out between us!.
I wish you the best of luck in your life, please do not give up!. I have been in your situation, and I would be regretful if I took my life back then, because now it isn't so bad!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
If you're not comfortable looking for more help, try music!. Anything that's downbeat can be good, you can relate it to your own problems and sort of mellow yourself out!. Reading may be more your cup of tea!? I also picked up guitar so that I can play some of the songs that make me feel better, an added plus to add to your social arsenal when you are better!. Also, it's nice to try to make friends online!. Generally you can find someone your age whom you can connect to and discuss problems with!. That's how I started out before I went to therapy, I always had them to talk to and make me feel better!. You say you've been this way for 8-10 years so I feel you are much older than I am, so a relationship like this may not work out between us!.
I wish you the best of luck in your life, please do not give up!. I have been in your situation, and I would be regretful if I took my life back then, because now it isn't so bad!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
im very sorryy
i feel badd
and i have this "issue" that no one knows aboutt
but everytimee i see a scaryy movie or somone commiting suicide i want to kill my self like i was on a bridge todayy and it popped into my mind to jump off the bridgeee
its soooooo weirdd
like i havee tons of friendss and a loving family theres nothing really wrong with my lifee
i just wana kill myselff
its the weirdest thingg
and i scare myselfffff!!!!
is this a "mental" disease!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
i feel badd
and i have this "issue" that no one knows aboutt
but everytimee i see a scaryy movie or somone commiting suicide i want to kill my self like i was on a bridge todayy and it popped into my mind to jump off the bridgeee
its soooooo weirdd
like i havee tons of friendss and a loving family theres nothing really wrong with my lifee
i just wana kill myselff
its the weirdest thingg
and i scare myselfffff!!!!
is this a "mental" disease!?Www@Answer-Health@Com