Borderline personality disorder..what are your Bpd stories?!


Question: Borderline personality disorder!.!.what are your Bpd stories!?
Hi all,

How is everyone today!? I was wondering if there are any other Bpd (borderline personality disorder) that might want to share stories!. or have loved ones that may have Bpd and want to share their story
I have suffered with BPD for over 8 months now would like to hear other stories!.!.

My story so far is I
Answers:
Having borderline personality disorder is like carrying around a force of destruction within, a force that hurts others and ultimately turns on yourself!. The only people who truly know you have it are those you are close with intimately or family members!. Although there are some quiet days, you can never feel certain about your future because you know you could become depressed or erratic in your thinking, and stray from your intended goal!. You never know when your perception of things is going to switch to paranoid, extreme good/bad, as well as anger and self-loathing!.
As a child I was depressed at an early age!. I'm certain my up bringing in a family with no structure, no commitment to children, or outward actions of love and caring formed my disorder!. Early on I felt the void inside as well as the self loathing!. It was like I was supposed to hate myself!. There is a disconnect with me, like I don't know who I am, which causes chronic, tiring anxiety!. As a teenager I acted out with sex and drugs and alcohol, losing my virginity at 14 to a 28 yr old man!. I felt I was supposed to do this, that sex was what I had to offer!. It had nothing to do with love or pleasure, it was a hostile act of self destruction!. After dropping out of high school I sobered up, got counseling, got my GED and went to art school!. It was an accomplishment!. It was a brief time of sanity!. But I started to see a man and started drinking heavily, dropped out of school and became lost again!. My relationships have been marked with intensity, caring, love but also anger, rage, jealousy, affairs,being possessive, and always ending in hurt!. After my father died I moved to LA and sobered up again!. There was another quiet time!. I gained weight, went to AA and eventually moved to Mpls and went back to art school!. I got pregnant and had my daughter as a single parent!. I tried to make it with her father but it didn't work!. Those times although difficult were not plagued with BPD symptoms!. Eventually, I met another man, had another child and got married to a man I felt no passion for!. It was a normal relationship only because there was no chemistry!. So I had an affair, left him, uprooted my kids(he was married as well) and tried to make this happy family life amongst all this destruction I had created!. It was a horrible relationship, he had a disorder himself, and the abuse issues became apparent!. I also started drinking!. I got the strength to leave him but also had a side affair going because the BPD can never truly be alone!. It wasn't a bad time living alone with my daughters but I was drinking and sleeping with a man who had a girlfriend!. I moved again, bought a house and still dealing with an abusive ex!. But things seemed better!. I was still drinking how ever!. Then I met current boyfriend, I stopped drinking because he was sober and I was an alcoholic so I thought it would be a good thing to do!. I love this man, yet the borderline symptoms have destroyed the relationship!. For me and this disorder, the need for reassurance is so unrelenting that eventually it consumes you!. Also the emptiness inside drives you to rely heavily on your lover for fulfillment!. It also effects my work habits as I can't seem to cope with emotions on a daily basis, so too much stress or too many changes cause the symptoms to come forth!. I've been on anti-depressants but feel some other type of med is needed to keep the moods in check!. It can be very disheartening!. My boyfriend has broken up with me again, I love him very much and I know why he did, and really I can't blame him!. Moody,erratic, angry, jealous!. takes a toll!. The break up is gut wrenching for all but for BPD I think it's frightening because they feel they will die from the pain of the abandonment!. Sometimes you will beg for them not to leave, because it hurts so much!. Well that is my story so far, I'm hoping to try topamax, I'm currently on wellbutrin but that doesn't do much for mood swings!. Thanks JWww@Answer-Health@Com

You are a very brave lady and an honest one!. I wish that my ex-wife would admit to her own BPD!. Sorry, no story here!. I just wanted to congratulate you and wish you all the best!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Have you heard of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy!? I've been in it for a while and I find it helps a lot!. Google it!.
I've been borderline since I was in junior high!. I went for years w/o being diagnosed!. I've had doctors call me schizophrenic, depressive, simply bored, and psychopathic!.
I was in CBT for 81/2 years with minimal results!. It didn't work very well for me!. I did a lot of drugs, and booze, and spent a lot of time on the streets!. I had a number of very dysfunctional relationships, and I still have problems getting along with my family!.
Things are getting better though!.
I find it sad that you haven't seen your kids!. I truly hope that you can find some peace and get your kids back!.
Good luck:)Www@Answer-Health@Com





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