My boyfriend is depressed again...?!


Question: My boyfriend is depressed again!.!.!.!?
Okay, he gets really depressed really easy!.!.!.we've been dating for a year and a half now and hes always been like this, even before we were dating and he was just my friend!.

When he gets like this its usually because of his knees (which got smashed in a car accident!.!.!.hes on surgery number seven now!.) He gets really mad at himself and becomes really cranky at everyone, but me!. and he says that he doesn't deserve me and that im to good for him!.

He also becomes really violent about himself!.!.!.like when were texting he says that he doesn't know why hes alive and then he wont talk to me!.!.!.which scares the crap out of me! and that he should just self amputate his legs right above the knee!.!.!.and when i said i would push him in his wheel chair if he did that!.!.!.he said he would leave me!.!.!.cause i deserve better!.!.!.and that makes me sad cause we both love each other!.

when he gets like this he stays this way for like four days at the most!.!.!.and then hes the funny attractive guy i fell for!.!.

Sorry its so long!.!.!.i just really want to know how to help him be happy all the time!.!.!.Www@Answer-Health@Com


Answers:
No one is happy all the time!. That's just a fact of life!.

The thing that concerns me about your letter, is that he has voiced thoughts of why he is alive!. And you are right to be concerned, you must take it seriously!.

If he was an active kind of guy before the accident, he is suffering a crisis of body image!. Meaning, he doesn't know how to direct his life if he isn't a sports jock anymore!.

I think he needs counselling, which he will probably resist!.
Can you talk to his parents / doctor!?
Next time he starts talking scary, phone lifeline and tell them you've got a problem you can't deal with, and put him on the phone!. See if that works!.

I would suggest that you don't talk about wheelchairs etc!. instead say something like "you're still the same strong man I fell in love with, with or without knees"!. Reinforce his abilities!. Don't talk disability!.

And if it goes on, you really have to find a professional to help him!.
He sounds very vulnerable!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Ok, this is something hard to tell long distance, but sometimes people are behaving down and depressed so we will try to make them ok!. It stems from self pity instead of true depression!. It gives them strokes, and they like to play games of making us try lots of ways of getting them to feel better!. Then they block us to see how long we will continue to say "Yes, I love you!." "Yes, you are worth it!." "Yes, I'd stick with you through thick and thin!."
You are gonna be the best judge of whether he is genuinely depressed or if what you are hearing is just self pity!. The fact that these are regular occurances that last for 3 - 4 days makes me think self pity, but you will have to figure it out for sure!.
The problem is, that saying positive things to someone in pity party mode is the worst thing you can do!. What he needs to hear in that case is "Why don't you grow up! Is this really the end of the world!? Aren't there way worse things that happen to people!? What if I told you I was dying of cancer!? Would you even care or would you go on feeling sorry for yourself!. I'm not too good for you, but I am too good to waste my time hanging around someone having a pity party for 1!. Call me when the party's over!"
It takes tough love and a hard line to wake someone out of their pity party!. But he needs you to be strong and take the hard line!. Give it a try!.Www@Answer-Health@Com





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