How can i help myself and how can i let go?!
Question: How can i help myself and how can i let go!?
I am 24 and have been seeing the mental health team for nearly a year!. I find it very hard to trust people and build a healthy relationship even though i crave to have that kind of relationship as i am not close and have never been close to my parents!. I dream of someone just to show me support in the things i want to do and encourage me but because of my past i fear people will reject me if i get too close!. I have been put down my whole life and because of that i have avoident personality disorder, anxiety and very low self esteem!. I have built a relationship up with one of my nurses but i am too scared to trust her fully because i may get too much for her!. I have told her my fears and she said she had no plans to leave me yet and will give me notice of when our meetings will stop but i still can't relax!. I want to help myself but every time i become positive i remember the past and realise once i stop seeing her no one else will show me the support!. Its not like i want attention but if you make a decision to do something 90% of the time i am sue you have family ready to help or are there if you need it, i don't and i never had and i want that!. So my question is what can i do to help myself and how can i push the thoughts away!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
I know how you feel but there won't be many people that you can put your trust in the way you want as these are what parents are supposed to be for!. I never had that with my mum and during therapy I made my therapist promise that she would be there for me as long as I needed her!. I pushed and pushed her to say it and when she did I told her I didn't want her anyway (god what a b** I was) but I'm sure you will understand what I mean!.
So people who you can and should trust totally are few and far between and you do have to choose carefully!. Do you have any relatives or other family members!. The family life you dream of and think everyone else has is just a dream for many others so don't make the mistake of thinking everyone has family support because they don't!.
My advice would be to first of all learn to trust yourself and your decisions totally!. Accept yourself as you are, acknowledge the fact that you still crave to be close and supported by your parents, and that need will probably always be there but accept the fact that the relationship you want with your parents may not be possible and just keep working with your mental health team!.
Good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
So people who you can and should trust totally are few and far between and you do have to choose carefully!. Do you have any relatives or other family members!. The family life you dream of and think everyone else has is just a dream for many others so don't make the mistake of thinking everyone has family support because they don't!.
My advice would be to first of all learn to trust yourself and your decisions totally!. Accept yourself as you are, acknowledge the fact that you still crave to be close and supported by your parents, and that need will probably always be there but accept the fact that the relationship you want with your parents may not be possible and just keep working with your mental health team!.
Good luckWww@Answer-Health@Com
have a diary, pretend it's a safe, write all your negative thoughts in it, then lock it away!. Once u've locked them away, pretend they are gone, and cannot come back, hide the diary, so everytime u feel like that you write down the negative thoughts and forget about it coz it's gone, locked away in the pages of your diary!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
maybe u should trust yourself,be4 u trust other people!.try share ur prob with other people!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Basically my mantra is 'trust life' and 'I can do it'!. You have to constantly tell yourself that it is OK to let go and put your trust into life!. You find that when you let go of the rock you are holding on to, you are actually standing somewhere perfectly safe and everything is OK!. I have never solved any of my problems by focusing on the problems!. The only way I have solved them is by focusing on the positive, the solution, the normality, the way I want things to be!. Instead of clinging to your nurse for fear of her going, focus on others and making friends with others!. Instead of worrying whether people will stay for you, think of helping other people and not leaving *them*!. I guess what I'm saying is that instead of your mantra being 'oh no, i'm going to go low again', etc, which will make you not want to try, you have to focus on exactly the outside world, people, normal life and society!. Life is magic and things can change which seem like miracles!. xxxWww@Answer-Health@Com
Hi
you show many of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, perhaps you should ask your nurse or psychoatrist about this!. I say this because I suffer from it and many of the issues you raise about yoru nurse and fear or rejection from people and testing people to see if they care etc are all common signs of someone with borderline personality disorder!.
I wish I could give you some helpful advice on what to do!. Unfortunately I had a key worker whom I got on very well with and my psychiatrist has stopped my meetings with her without warning and just give me someone new after me spending nearly a year building up trust with her and I am really hurt!. Like you and ur nurse, i feared loosing her and now its happened it hurts!.
I think maybe we have to try and drum into ourselves that nothing lasts forever and that we have to make the best of things when we have them!. Sometimes we have to let go just to experience things, some bad, some good because by holding on we experience nothing!. I am glad you have a really good relationshop with your nurse and it's also really positive that you told her yoru worries about the attachment etc!.
you don't know that someone else wont come into your life that you will love and trust and who will do the same for you, i know its hard to imagine it but it may happen!. You sound like a really good hearted person but have problems with healthy relationships (again borderline symptom)!. Talk to your nurse more about your issue or talk to your gp/psychiatrist!.
best of luck
xWww@Answer-Health@Com
you show many of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, perhaps you should ask your nurse or psychoatrist about this!. I say this because I suffer from it and many of the issues you raise about yoru nurse and fear or rejection from people and testing people to see if they care etc are all common signs of someone with borderline personality disorder!.
I wish I could give you some helpful advice on what to do!. Unfortunately I had a key worker whom I got on very well with and my psychiatrist has stopped my meetings with her without warning and just give me someone new after me spending nearly a year building up trust with her and I am really hurt!. Like you and ur nurse, i feared loosing her and now its happened it hurts!.
I think maybe we have to try and drum into ourselves that nothing lasts forever and that we have to make the best of things when we have them!. Sometimes we have to let go just to experience things, some bad, some good because by holding on we experience nothing!. I am glad you have a really good relationshop with your nurse and it's also really positive that you told her yoru worries about the attachment etc!.
you don't know that someone else wont come into your life that you will love and trust and who will do the same for you, i know its hard to imagine it but it may happen!. You sound like a really good hearted person but have problems with healthy relationships (again borderline symptom)!. Talk to your nurse more about your issue or talk to your gp/psychiatrist!.
best of luck
xWww@Answer-Health@Com
Bless ya, I am the same and live in my little world and do not trust people easily, I stayed like that till I was 28 and finally earlier this year I took the plunge, and let my defences down to my mh team, my close family and best friend, so far they are closer to me than ever, I'm still fearful but realise with everything I have to take a small amount of risk too!.
In your case u have isolated yourself so much, that u now find yourself alone, and dependant on this one person for social contact, I can understand that as been there too!.
U need to risk a little and join some church, social club of any sort, and go whenever you feel capable and well enough, u need to take that risk, and sure it will be tough, but unless your gonna be friends with the mailman , no one else is gonna come to your house to become friends with u!.
U need to prepare yourself to take the first step and take a bit of risk, the world can bite at times I know all to well, but it can also be a friendly place too!.
Good luck on your journey, I've started peeking out my comfort zone and its not all that bad!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
In your case u have isolated yourself so much, that u now find yourself alone, and dependant on this one person for social contact, I can understand that as been there too!.
U need to risk a little and join some church, social club of any sort, and go whenever you feel capable and well enough, u need to take that risk, and sure it will be tough, but unless your gonna be friends with the mailman , no one else is gonna come to your house to become friends with u!.
U need to prepare yourself to take the first step and take a bit of risk, the world can bite at times I know all to well, but it can also be a friendly place too!.
Good luck on your journey, I've started peeking out my comfort zone and its not all that bad!.Www@Answer-Health@Com