I wrote this note because my counselor wanted me to?!


Question: I wrote this note because my counselor wanted me to!?
Well, I saw my counselor on Thursday and we were talking about abuse that had happened a long time ago in my life and since I had never gotten angry about it, he wanted me to write a note to the person who had abused me, and he wants me to show him what I wrote!. (not to the person who hurt me, but to the counselor) and I just finished writing it, here it is:

Matt,

Have we ever been family!? Did I mean anything to you back then, and do I mean anything to you now!? You used me for a sex toy!. You played mind games with me, you tackled me to the floor and forced your **** inside my mouth!. And I let it happen!. I was 12!. You taught me what sex was, you explained what I was going to do, and you made me think it was okay!. All the **** that happened, that lasted for way too long, and I never said no!. What made you think it was okay, when I started gagging or when I started crying and you told me to shut up!?! All the times I constantly begged for it to be over, and you had to control that too didnt you!? You made me love what I started out hating, and then you took that away! You left me sexually confused and hurt!. How the **** is that okay!? Thats not love!! You took away my ability to trust anyone!. I shouldve been able to trust in you! You are sick!. I cant love, I cant have a relationship and Im letting you take horrible advantadge of these sweet, innocent girls!. Raping them like you raped me! Do you even remember half the things you would say to me!. I do!. "Why are you wearing jeans!? I told you, wear sweat pants, they're easier!." Easier for what!? To **** me in!? So my mom wont catch you when you did it!? You had it all figured out and I was a stupid, pathetic kid, who wanted to please her cousin!. I wanted to be just like you!. Just like the boys!. Now Im so messed up, I almost wish you would come back to finish me off, cause I want to die!. I hate my life, I think about what you did every single second of every single day!. And I have to act like I give a ****!. The entire "family" brags about how great you are, how grown up you are!. And then theres me!. "Why hasnt she grown up, She's so immature, dramatic and emotional" They think they know everything!. Why dont you tell them!? Describe in detail every single touch and assault!. Break this **** family apart!. I cant believe thats what I was worried about!. You broke me when you touched me, and you broke this family by doing so!. Would it be easier for you if I just disapeared!? Do I cause you pain!? You cause me alot of it!. But it was just some stupid game to you, and I was there!. "But we need to practice for your future boyfrind" What boyfriend!? What relationship!? I cant even hug the man I call a hero because any "sexual" advance scares the **** out of me!. I hope you enjoy ******* all those girls, and picture my face, because I will haunt you until the day you die!. Rape is wrong, but I dont need to tell you that!. Your the reason why I know anything about it!. Do you remember!? Remember me, Matt, for those three years I was growing up, because you ruined my life!. I dont hate you!. You dont even exsist, except in my mind and my fears of being hurt again!. Your a true monster and I hope someday this pain will die, and you, along with it!.

I know its bad, and long, sorry about that!. But I'm not sure if I feel comfortable showing my counselor!. He doesnt know many of the details, but he's known me for three years now, and he's like my best friend!. I dont know, what should I do!? Please help!! Thanks to all who answer!
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Answers:
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to you hunny, that is an Absolutely terrible story, and your cousin is a sick, and mentally ill person to do that to you!. I Absolutely think you should show this to your counselor, he knows you well and I think as someone who is trying to help you he definitely deserves to know!. It also might help him to be able to help you better because then you will have it all out on the table!. I will not pretend to know how it feels to have someone violate you in such terrible ways, but I have been through a thing or two in my 23 years of life!. My Mother tried to kill herself in front of me when I was just five years old, her 80 year old boyfriend who she was having an affair with had a stroke while we were over in Hawaii, and she felt that her relationship with him was more important than sticking around for here five year old daughter!. I too have been seeing a councilor since and one thing I have learned is in order to really understand he must know everything, only than can he really understand the depth and complexities of your mind, and he can better help you!. I am so sorry once again and your story has really touched me, I hope this help you out, and I also know one day he will get what he deserves!. There's an old saying that I have found to be very true, what comes around goes around, and Karma is a *****, he will get his! Good luck hun!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

DAMN! dats fcuked, about what happened to you I mean!.
u say yr family dont know bout it!?
why dont u show dem dat letter as well!?Www@Answer-Health@Com

by all means tell and get this guy put away,and he's raping other girls too!Www@Answer-Health@Com

without a doubt you should show your counselor this note! what your cousin did to you was wrong! and he's still out there doing that to other young girls!? he should be put away in my opinion! he needs to be stopped before he ruins some other young girls life! i'm not trying to be mean or anything you know what you're going through right!? do you want other girls to go through that too!? i wouldn't wish something like this on my worst enemy! i know it's a hard thing to do and what you went through but i would turn this terrible event around and become an advocate against this situation and tell young ladies about this situation, (only when you're ready though) out there and that rape of any kind from a family member or anyone else is wrong and that person needs to be stopped before they hurt someone else! i've been through abuse myself with a family member and that person is where they really belong (in my opinion) and they can never hurt me again! i tell people i trust about that situation and how it has effected me, and i tell others if they or someone they know that's going through abuse it's wrong and to find a way to get away from that, and find some sort of justice in the legal system before this "attacker" strikes again and ruins their lives forever! in ways i wish i had spoken up earlier about my abuse, and things before it effected my life, but i was also told it was ok, and i was younger than 8yrs old when my abuse happened to me! i didn't know back then it was wrong, my abuser was 7yrs older than i was and i was told to mind my elders and my abuser used that to their advantage!. i've been able to date other men, but all they wanted was sex and for me to do dirty things with them and i just couldn't!. by writting a note to my abuser i had asked the abuser why did you pick me to abuse and hurt knowing that i'm a flesh and blood family member!? i had asked other questions like you did in your note to your counselor, and when i showed it to my counselor at the time they was able to help me be thankful for that i survived it, and to put it bluntly in my case i'm thankful that this did happen to me now, because it has only made me stonger as a person, and it has made me look at other men in a different light, my instincs are highly sensitive because of this abouse and when they kick in, and believe me they do, if i sense there's something wrong with the guy i'm around i usually stick to them and i usually find out why my intincs were so high around that guy, and yes the guy i was around at that time was a jerk to put it kindly! if and when you show this note to your counselor they will be able to help you better! sorry my answer is so long but i figure the more information you can get will or can help you! good luck and with prayers from furry_kitten_paws Www@Answer-Health@Com

You wrote the letter!.!.!.that is a very big step!.!.!.!.it must have been Very stressful!.!.!.I , myself, would go to Dr!.for appointment , but don't give him the letter until you are leaving office!.!.!.!.I would think Dr!. needs to be prepared to discuss this issue with you!.!.!.Your cousin is an EVIL MONSTER!!! I have a family member that had something like that happen to her but alot of family members don't believe her,,,,so, Please be careful !.!.!.!.I would hate to see things get worst for you!.!.!.Hopefully, once your Dr!. talks to you about the letter, you will start feeling better about yourself!.!.!.!.You really should let your Dr read the letter!.!.!.!.so that you will, someday, heal!.!.!.!.!.Good LuckWww@Answer-Health@Com

You're afraid to scare the counselor!? You have a point!.
Some people shudder and don't want to hear how abuse happened, and they are in alliance with the abuser by default, because of refusing to listen!.

It is courageous of you to tell the world now, and it will be a test for your counselor!. And if your counselor holds the pressure, you will begin to trust him for real!.

And you need to trust him for real, because the atmosphere and values in your family seem to be fake and superficial!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Good for you chica!. You have been carrying around a lot of baggage for a long time!. This is a big step!. I only hope that I will be able to get to the same place and say the things I need to!. Best of luck on your healing journey!. Www@Answer-Health@Com





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