Does this mean I suffered emotional abuse?!


Question: Does this mean I suffered emotional abuse!?
My father abandoned me when I was just a baby!. My Mother raised me on her own (she was very young only 19 years old) I was raised living with her and my Grandmother !. Altough my Mom and I are close today, when I was yong she was very unaffectionate!. She was interested in my school work and praised me when I did well etc but she did not hug me or cuddle me really at all!. I don't think she said I love you much!.

My grandmother never told me she loved me at all!.Actually she rolled her eyes sometimes if I was in the living room watching cartoons as a young child!. She was like ice, and raised my Mom this way and therefore passed a great deal onto my Mom!. I used to rock back and forth in my sleep (which I have heard orphan children do as a self soothing mechanism) My Mother and my Mother's sisters rocked back and forth in bed when they were little too!. TI really felt like a burden!.

I went on to lead a very self destructive rebellious life!. One that has been full of tumultuous events and many losses!. Thoughts anyone!?Www@Answer-Health@Com


Answers:
This is how my mind translates your post:

"My father abandoned me, and my mother loved me enough to raise me!. Maybe she was hurt because I reminded her of my father, and she felt sad that I didn't have a dad!. She followed society's advice of "classical conditioning" her child, and praised me only for what she was led to believe was the most important thing!.

My grandmother didn't show affection; that explains the treatment my mother gave me, as she didn't have many other examples to follow, or sources to learn from!. I do something strange when I sleep, but it may be hereditary, or psychological!. I saw myself as a burden!.

I went on to live my own idea of living!. One that has been full of lessons and growth!."

I congratulate you and your mother!. Love is not what they show on TV!. My father has hugged me 6 times in my life, and said "I love you" once, but I KNOW he loves me even more than he loves himself!.

I've come to understand he is not the cuddly-type (nor is my mother)!. My mother used to be violent when I was younger, but it was because her parents were violent to her as well!. With time we learned how to break patterns and shift paradigms!.

I still have some scars my mother gave me, but it was just because she didn't know how to be a mother!. She's been learning, as I've been learning how to be a son, and our relationships has improved dramatically!.

You felt like a burden; I feel like a burden!. Every man is his host's burden, but men enjoy having guests!. We can become an enjoyable burden, and as light as possible!. When someone does a favor for me, I feel like a burden until I return it, and that's it!. Being a burden is not so bad, I think it's human!. As babies we need an older human to survive, we are not born independent!. Independence comes with age!.

As for your rebellious life, it takes guts to do what you feel like doing!. If you manage to learn from all the losses and tumultuous events, you'll avoid a lot of pain in the future, and will be able to live a bright, wonderful life!.

It seems to me like you are pursuing happiness; and the road to happiness is happiness itself!. Well done =)

And no, I don't think you suffered emotional abuse, I think you had the privilege of experiencing a "maturity booster" and an "eye opener"!. Now that you've learned all this, I'm sure you'll be a great mother if you ever decide to be one!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

I'm definitely not a professional but it sounds a lot like Borderline Personality Disorder!. May want to read into it even if it is doesn't mean your screwed up for life just means you process emotion in a different way!. Hope this helps!. Feel free to contact me!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

Go hug your Mum , she is the only one you have!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

just think of africans it could be worseWww@Answer-Health@Com

I don't know how old you are!. Forgiving others
always helps the one doing the forgiving!. more than the forgiven who sometimes don't even know they need it!. It takes away such a heavy load!.You must want to in order to forgive!.Don't build a life of being an abused or neglected kid!.
Don't become a walking wounded!. Get help, get over it!.
Help others some!. Be compassionate!.

Your Mom probably suffered a lot of emotional pain!.Divorce, even "nice" ones hurt!. Cause pain!.
Hers was not a nice thing to happen!.
What she went through was not an easy thing!. It was not easy for you!. My heart goes out to you all, and
to your Grandmother!.

It sounds like you had a hard time!. People do not
usually mean to abuse people emotionally!. They
usually do not set out to do that!. Maybe you need
some help to get past it!. If you could go to church
and find the Lord it would help!.

You could remember the older generations did not
grow up hearing "I love you" every day!. Maybe never!. They did not go around hugging, and affirming!. If they grew up in the thirties they were worried about starving to death!.,or freezing to death!. It was a very hard time, the welfare system was not at all what it is today!. Not at all!. There were no food stamps, or aid to dependent
children as there are today!. Jobs were scarce!.
Women had it much harder in the work force,
if they had work at all!.
Kids had to leave home when they were sometimes
very young, just children themselves, to keep the younger ones from starving to death!.They had to marry people they did not even
know, or like, let alone love!. It was a different world,
entirely different from today!. It was harsh!., cruel!.
Parents tend to do what their parents did, to a lesser degree!. Usually they do somewhat better than their
parents!. They think they are doing much better, because it is so much improved over their harsh
upbringing!. Thank the Lord!. They may be doing one hundred percent better!. They did not watch TV!.
At the age when you were watching cartoons, maybe they were working full time!. Sometimes it was so harsh, it damaged
them emotionally!. They worked so hard!.
They did not have all the money, or labor saving
appliances, and were not as verbal!. Some people
need verbal communication!. They probably were not
talked to much, and talked to you more than they were talked to!. They probably tried!. Maybe they were physically and mentally abused or neglected!.
Be merciful!. All parents need mercy!.

Rocking in a child, can be a lot of things!.
I rocked my kids so much, that sometimes I was in
church, even if I was not holding my baby, if my husband took him or her, found myself rocking!. It was not an emotional thing!.Then I would be embarrassed!. It was habit!.I held my babies a lot!. A whole lot!. I was told
(not by my parents)
I could prop their bottles up!. I never did!.
I have seen children rocking their dolls, then rocking when they were not holding their dolls!.
It can be a soothing thing, it can be!. It can be many things!.
Maybe you were rocked by your mother as a baby
and don't remember it!?

You sound as if the self destructive life is over!.
I hope so!. Maybe you can do something to help others!?
Maybe you could go to college!? Maybe you could
put this behind you!. If you have children, be a better parent!.

My parents, and I loved them dearly,both of them,
were not physically demonstrative when it came to
affection to the children once they were toddlers!. They were affectionate to each other, but not overly so!.I knew they cared about me!.
The first time I hugged my Mom was when I saw it on TV when I was about eleven years old!. I thought it was ok then!.The only time I was hugged by my parents
was when I hugged them!. I do recall riding
piggy back on Dad's back once!. Dad never
said he loved me, but I believe he did!. Mom
would hug me back!. I think she kissed my cheek once!. I believe she loved me in her way!.
I believe she had ptst many times over!. Her Mom died when she was three!.She did the best she could!. I had six siblings!. I was the least favorite!. She could not help it!. I received no attention at all if the others were around!. ery little when they were not!. I did not require
much attention!. Seemed like people were always wanting to lie on me and get me into trouble!. I do not hold this against her!. I loved her, and I always felt so sorry for her because
she had such a hard time!. People can be so cruel!.
They
were not verbal or huggy or kissy, but I knew they
cared!. Back then people were more stern, and more
disciplinarian!. You were affirmed in the woodshed!.
Often, usually, a lot a lot of them disciplined and asked questions after, if ever!. On the other hand, I am very affectionate
and huggy, and was to my kids and am to my grandkids !. I am trying to stop this!. They are getting
older I don't know if they appreciate it!. I love them and my children dearly, and my CILs!.I am also very verbal!.
I was not always very verbal!. I had to learn
to talk!. Now I don't want to shut up!.They nearly starved to death when they
were kids, and not due to their folks not caring!. I am darned proud of how they
managed to stay alive!. Have always been so!. I could not have done so
well had I been in their shoes!. We need to be careful
of judging others until we walk in their shoes, and
often need to pray we NEVER walk in their shoes!.
I have not walked in their shoes!. I can only imagine!.

Life is not easy for many people!.My husband and I were together for twenty years!.
We had big plans, I thought!. I had no plans for divorce, that is for certain!.We almost divorced once before years before, and I almost had a nervous breakdown over another woman!.
Then when the kids were l8 and 14, he said he had someone else!. I divorced him!. I had no choice!. I could take no more of this!. I was
39 and was just about to graduate from nursing school!.(I went for us, and for him so
he could have some choice in his life!. LOL!.boy did he ever!.)I lost all but the kids!.
I lost my career& home, my son had to go into the military, which was not what was planned!. I could get no work at all, was not
accepted any more any where, rejected unwanted!. Even the churches rejected me!.
I did not deserve this!. No one does!. Had fifty
dollars child support and aid to dependent children and food stamps some times!.
When my daughter graduated hs, she joined the military, I still could get no work!. Wasnot
disabled and qualified for no help, nor was any forthcoming from anyone anywhere!. Had I stayed with my Mom, she would have been
in trouble, she was old and on
SSI!.I was out in the street!. No income at all!. Moved all over
the USA trying to work, hoped to fall in love, remarry, no such luck!. I am not gay!.Not bi!. Not
Bipolar, and not BPD!. I was called gay!. That hurt so much!.I did not have a mental break down!. I simply was not allowed to work!.
Old grudges!. Revenge!. People were happy
to see me and my children suffer!.
My entire life was ruined!. Remained so!. They sympathized with him, I supposedly neglected him and was not a perfect housekeeper!. I did keep house, and I cooked, canned, froze, the entire bit while going to school!.I still have not
been able to date or marry!. I have little income!. Did work as a nurse for a while, got
it all back, then bingo, all gone again;!.lies, deceit!. greed!. No nervous breakdown!.
So!. Don['t be so harsh on your parents!. You
will never know what they go through!. My parents went through so much as youths, they
did not have a high stress tolerance!. Be merciful!. I have a roof over my head, some food and I have done without both!. I have some clothes such as they are!. If people had their way, I would not have a thing!.; They resent that it seems!.All anyone ever cared about me it seems was the possibility of
making a fast buck off me!.
I know I don't deserve the hardheartedness
I have been dealt!. I don't know where you are,
I do not know your circumstances, but believe me they can be worse!. If you are young
enough to get work, or get job training do all you can to get over this!.Be really careful
whom you antagonize!.
I want you to be healthy and happy!. Turn to the Lord!. He was with me!. Doesn't sound like it, but He was!. But for His providence, I would
not be here, nor you!.

If you look at my life, and I am a parent!.
Maybe you can get a glimmer of what your
Mom went through!. I loved my kids more
than my own life!. I would have died to avoid
hurting them!. It is not intentional whatever
problems you have!.Www@Answer-Health@Com





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