Help for my autistic son?!
Question: Help for my autistic son!?
He has unrealistic goals for his future!. We have tried explaining to him that all though some of them are great ideas,others just simply aren't attainable!. He has become obssessed with the unrealistic ones!. I wouldn't normally worry ,I know fixations come in phases,but this phase has lasted almost 4 years now!. I try to get him focused on other areas of interest,but he somehow ends up intertwining them all together!. By the way,his unattainable goals are owning his own island ,with his own civilization of people and owning one of the strongest millitaries in the world!.He's 13!.
Please only serious answers!. Thanks!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Please only serious answers!. Thanks!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Ok you want to hear some of my weirdest goals from when I was 13!. I wanted to own a Nuclear Power Plant with not one but five reactors!. Whats worse is when I am around lots of people I have to divert my attention so I do not get over stressed and violent!. I close my eyes and imagine I run a super company that generates tremendous amounts of electrical energy using Nuclear Fusion!. I sell the energy to the United States and build office towers so beautiful your eyes would drop out seeing them!. Now I know that these things will never happen but when I was a 13 year old kid filled with idealism anything is possible!. Like another poster said its normal for a 13 year old autistic kid!. I went through the same phase and my parents had your worries, as I remember well my grandfathers near constant lectures on practicality!.
My grandparents favorite discussions with me centered around the following question!. WOLF when are you going to start working on things that are tangible and realistic!. the fact that my grandparents constantly attacked my imaginative ideas made me think I was inferior to others!. The fact that my were so ardent at discouraging my pie in the sky dreams made me stop thinking I had insight and vision and made me think I was retarded or crazy!. My grandparents did not mean to kill off my self esteem but they did and it crippled me for 38 years!. That's right it was 38 bitter long years before I healed enough to dare risk taking a chance on a dream again!.
You see because an autistic child does not fully understand the relationships and limitations in this world at 13 he thinks many things are possible that are not!. In my case many cool special effects things I saw on TV sent me down the wrong paths!. You see as an autistic much of what I learned about life in the real world I learned from watching TV!. I was in my 30's before I realized supervisors and or bosses in real employment situations were not like Mr Spacely, Mr Slate and other fictional TV characters!. You see many things I learned about human society were true and helped me!. It was hard to pick out the one's that were not true as an autistic person!.
This world does not come with an instruction manual!. You 13 year old is trying to make sense of the world using the tools he has!. This world is a complex puzzle and he is putting it together his way!. If you force him to make leaps of logic and understanding his systems are not ready for you will force his imagination to be blunted!. You will send the wrong messages you will prolong his love of those things that are unrealistic rather than shorten it!. You see the autistic mind is like an iceberg most of it is not visible to parents and others whose home is this neurotypical world!. If you push him to embrace your neurotypical perspective too soon all he will do is submerge his unrealistic ideas into that part of his autistic reality you can not access!. You pay a hefty price when you force an autistic not to be true to themselves because, you can not help him understand what your son no longer allows you to see!. A young autistic prevented from expressing his wild dreams has no alternative to thinking his parents are not always there for him!. Autism is a life long journey parents must take with their autistic child!.
You can be guides!. You can help him see that some of his ideas are wild by asking him questions that reveal why the idea is not currently plausible!. My grandfather asked me hard questions about my flights of fantasy that and it helped me build an understanding of practicality that was grown using my autistic reasoning!.
The worst thing you can do to an autistic child is try to get them to change because of reasoning you supply!. The core of being an autistic being is the fact that your reasoning makes no sense to him or me!. You have to question him so he builds the logic in his autistic mind using the reasoning structures he understands!. When your questions make your 13 year old son say hey this won't work your job is done!. Right now you are trying to force him into letting go of his dreams unrealistic as they are which makes you the enemy! You make yourselves the neurotypical cultural imperialists who come to supplant his autistic culture and systems for understanding and replace them with your own!.
Eventually your 13 year old autistic child will be an adult autistic man!. Are you going to tell him what to think then too!. You see the path you are on is wrong!. You have to work within the structure of his thinking process by asking him questions!. You must encourage your 13 year old autistic son to question his own ideas to prove them useful or fantasy so when he grows up he can apply that skill to anything new challenge he faces in life as an adult!.
You see it is more than about extinguishing your autistic son's impractical ideas!. You have to preserve his self esteem!. You have to preserve his free imagination!. You have to preserve his ability to be true to himself!. You have to preserve and promote his ability to actively question his ideas until they are proven valid or impractical!. What I suggest here is no easy thing but if you love your autistic son and I know you do you will help him in ways he needs and understands and like it!Www@Answer-Health@Com
My grandparents favorite discussions with me centered around the following question!. WOLF when are you going to start working on things that are tangible and realistic!. the fact that my grandparents constantly attacked my imaginative ideas made me think I was inferior to others!. The fact that my were so ardent at discouraging my pie in the sky dreams made me stop thinking I had insight and vision and made me think I was retarded or crazy!. My grandparents did not mean to kill off my self esteem but they did and it crippled me for 38 years!. That's right it was 38 bitter long years before I healed enough to dare risk taking a chance on a dream again!.
You see because an autistic child does not fully understand the relationships and limitations in this world at 13 he thinks many things are possible that are not!. In my case many cool special effects things I saw on TV sent me down the wrong paths!. You see as an autistic much of what I learned about life in the real world I learned from watching TV!. I was in my 30's before I realized supervisors and or bosses in real employment situations were not like Mr Spacely, Mr Slate and other fictional TV characters!. You see many things I learned about human society were true and helped me!. It was hard to pick out the one's that were not true as an autistic person!.
This world does not come with an instruction manual!. You 13 year old is trying to make sense of the world using the tools he has!. This world is a complex puzzle and he is putting it together his way!. If you force him to make leaps of logic and understanding his systems are not ready for you will force his imagination to be blunted!. You will send the wrong messages you will prolong his love of those things that are unrealistic rather than shorten it!. You see the autistic mind is like an iceberg most of it is not visible to parents and others whose home is this neurotypical world!. If you push him to embrace your neurotypical perspective too soon all he will do is submerge his unrealistic ideas into that part of his autistic reality you can not access!. You pay a hefty price when you force an autistic not to be true to themselves because, you can not help him understand what your son no longer allows you to see!. A young autistic prevented from expressing his wild dreams has no alternative to thinking his parents are not always there for him!. Autism is a life long journey parents must take with their autistic child!.
You can be guides!. You can help him see that some of his ideas are wild by asking him questions that reveal why the idea is not currently plausible!. My grandfather asked me hard questions about my flights of fantasy that and it helped me build an understanding of practicality that was grown using my autistic reasoning!.
The worst thing you can do to an autistic child is try to get them to change because of reasoning you supply!. The core of being an autistic being is the fact that your reasoning makes no sense to him or me!. You have to question him so he builds the logic in his autistic mind using the reasoning structures he understands!. When your questions make your 13 year old son say hey this won't work your job is done!. Right now you are trying to force him into letting go of his dreams unrealistic as they are which makes you the enemy! You make yourselves the neurotypical cultural imperialists who come to supplant his autistic culture and systems for understanding and replace them with your own!.
Eventually your 13 year old autistic child will be an adult autistic man!. Are you going to tell him what to think then too!. You see the path you are on is wrong!. You have to work within the structure of his thinking process by asking him questions!. You must encourage your 13 year old autistic son to question his own ideas to prove them useful or fantasy so when he grows up he can apply that skill to anything new challenge he faces in life as an adult!.
You see it is more than about extinguishing your autistic son's impractical ideas!. You have to preserve his self esteem!. You have to preserve his free imagination!. You have to preserve his ability to be true to himself!. You have to preserve and promote his ability to actively question his ideas until they are proven valid or impractical!. What I suggest here is no easy thing but if you love your autistic son and I know you do you will help him in ways he needs and understands and like it!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Normal stuff for a 13 yo!. Especially one who may not (don't know him) have the control over his life a 'normal' kid would have!. This is the stuff alot of video games are based on!. Maybe that'd be an outlet for his imagination!. (assuming you can afford it with all the medical bills)!. He could play with others (in the 'virtual' world, not in person) using an identity he creates - unknown to others unless he shares his name!. Powerful stuff for a kid that might be getting teased of feels bad because hes not like all the rest!. Let him dream!. Reality will come crashing down soon enough, but he'll still have those dreams!.Www@Answer-Health@Com