How did I become this horrifying mess that I fear?!
Question: How did I become this horrifying mess that I fear!?
I over-analyze every part of Life!. I'm afraid to live, i'm afraid to die!.
I have felt "Lost" entirely, for about 4 months now!. I've always been 'unwell', but its a different kind of pain now, it's like i'm so numb i don't want to wake up to another tomorrow!.
Truth: I'm a beautiful, caring, loving, optimistic, mature, intelligent girl!.
My own perception: Lost my beauty to my disorders and diseases, overweight no matter how many bones I see, hopeless but praying, mature but lost, intelligent but it's now a battle, confused girl!.
Looking from the outside, I've come to realize that EVERYONE believes in me, thinks i'm beautiful and have been since I was a little girl, (My beauty is seen as "unique and true, almost because its so striking from inside out") thinks I have great potential,
I've come to realize-I AM all of that, but i don't see it and if i do it never stays with me!.
Meds update:
Bipolar and ADHD are being managed by, Adderall twice a day, and Tripleptal twice a day!. -Significant improvement at first, but it feels i'm back to start!. I don't and CANT share this with any of my therapists or my Mom or friends, because they don't understand & only suggest new meds but its not about the meds/it's my HEAD!. i'm so f'd up!.
-
I JUST NEED SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO SIMPLY UNDERSTAND!.
I PRAY that someone could live my life, for one day & feel what I do!.
It's really hard!. I'm 17, graduate in 5 months, i haven't had ONE JOB i could keep because my ANXIETY and weirdness!.
DO YOU SEE!? I have so many issues and i hate saying it because I dont want anyone's pity, but i need help!. Ive seen every shrink I can, found my "light" and meaning every now and then, had "epiphanys" but IM ALWAYS BACK TO FEELING LOST AND DEAD!.
Childhood history-
I'm guessing it started with the daily physical, mental and emotional abuse from my father, which led to poor self-esteem, body-dismorphic disorder, bulimia, depression, bipolar, severe social phobia, anxiety!.!.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what else to write, there are MANY thoughts racing through my head that i'd like to speak about and comprehend but cannot put into correct wording!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I have felt "Lost" entirely, for about 4 months now!. I've always been 'unwell', but its a different kind of pain now, it's like i'm so numb i don't want to wake up to another tomorrow!.
Truth: I'm a beautiful, caring, loving, optimistic, mature, intelligent girl!.
My own perception: Lost my beauty to my disorders and diseases, overweight no matter how many bones I see, hopeless but praying, mature but lost, intelligent but it's now a battle, confused girl!.
Looking from the outside, I've come to realize that EVERYONE believes in me, thinks i'm beautiful and have been since I was a little girl, (My beauty is seen as "unique and true, almost because its so striking from inside out") thinks I have great potential,
I've come to realize-I AM all of that, but i don't see it and if i do it never stays with me!.
Meds update:
Bipolar and ADHD are being managed by, Adderall twice a day, and Tripleptal twice a day!. -Significant improvement at first, but it feels i'm back to start!. I don't and CANT share this with any of my therapists or my Mom or friends, because they don't understand & only suggest new meds but its not about the meds/it's my HEAD!. i'm so f'd up!.
-
I JUST NEED SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO SIMPLY UNDERSTAND!.
I PRAY that someone could live my life, for one day & feel what I do!.
It's really hard!. I'm 17, graduate in 5 months, i haven't had ONE JOB i could keep because my ANXIETY and weirdness!.
DO YOU SEE!? I have so many issues and i hate saying it because I dont want anyone's pity, but i need help!. Ive seen every shrink I can, found my "light" and meaning every now and then, had "epiphanys" but IM ALWAYS BACK TO FEELING LOST AND DEAD!.
Childhood history-
I'm guessing it started with the daily physical, mental and emotional abuse from my father, which led to poor self-esteem, body-dismorphic disorder, bulimia, depression, bipolar, severe social phobia, anxiety!.!.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what else to write, there are MANY thoughts racing through my head that i'd like to speak about and comprehend but cannot put into correct wording!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Well I completely understand as your life sounds very similar to mine!.
I was emotionaly, and mentally abused growing up, although it wasn't from my father it was my mother!.
I had the same symptoms as you - I lost all of my self esteem and suffered extreme social phobia and depression!.
I too wasn't able to work, I actually got fired a few times from jobs as I just wasnt able to cope and my anxiety made me a nervous wreck!.
This only reinforced my belief that I was useless which, funnily enough is something I was told daily by my mother!.
I have spent a great deal of time trying to recover, I tried everything with no avail!. Luckily I came across a few things that ACTUALLY worked and I think I can say that I am about 80% better now!.
I can work - at last, which is a huge relief and I am currently going through what can only be described as emotional release!.
I went to a few counsellors but I could never stick it out as the thought of actually having to sit and talk to another person was just too terrifying for me!.
I knew that I needed cognitive behavioural therapy as I had researched online a lot for a cure and this constantly came up!.
Luckily I was able to find the book "cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies" I bought it online from Amazon by I am sure you can get it in your book shop!. This book contains the exact exercises that a counselor would use!. I did these exercises daily it's been around 6 months now I have been doing them and I am really happy with the results!.
I went through a lot of pain as I started to face my past and everyday I am facing more and more as it comes up!. But each time I face one memory or feeling I get more better!.
I think the whole reason why we have this social phobia and feeling of low self worth is because we were made to feel this way by our parent!.
The feelings we felt then, have become stuck in us and we never faced it and released it!. I am discovering so many beliefs I have about myself which arnt really mine but what I was made to feel like and was told when I went through this mental abuse!. It's really amazing the things that come up, and most of the stuff I couldn't even remember before!.
I am starting to realise that it wasnt my fault, and it was wrong!. The pain is being released and my self esteem is slowely growing!.
The low self opinion I had been carrying around with me for so many years actually caused my social phobia, as i believed sub consiously that i wasnt good enough to be liked just being me!. So I was constantly anxious that somebody one day would find out that i was really that useless worthless individual i had been made to feel for so long!.
Im starting now not to care what other people think and that I am a pretty good person!. I am also alot stronger and no longer scared of rejection as I know that I can cope and that it doesnt mean that there is something wrong with me!.
So the answer is we need to face what happened!. Reanalyze it, see it in the new light and release it!. The releasing process may take some time, and like I said can be a bit painful, but it's the only way forward!.
Let me know how you get on, and send me an email if you want to chat about it!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
I was emotionaly, and mentally abused growing up, although it wasn't from my father it was my mother!.
I had the same symptoms as you - I lost all of my self esteem and suffered extreme social phobia and depression!.
I too wasn't able to work, I actually got fired a few times from jobs as I just wasnt able to cope and my anxiety made me a nervous wreck!.
This only reinforced my belief that I was useless which, funnily enough is something I was told daily by my mother!.
I have spent a great deal of time trying to recover, I tried everything with no avail!. Luckily I came across a few things that ACTUALLY worked and I think I can say that I am about 80% better now!.
I can work - at last, which is a huge relief and I am currently going through what can only be described as emotional release!.
I went to a few counsellors but I could never stick it out as the thought of actually having to sit and talk to another person was just too terrifying for me!.
I knew that I needed cognitive behavioural therapy as I had researched online a lot for a cure and this constantly came up!.
Luckily I was able to find the book "cognitive behavioral therapy for dummies" I bought it online from Amazon by I am sure you can get it in your book shop!. This book contains the exact exercises that a counselor would use!. I did these exercises daily it's been around 6 months now I have been doing them and I am really happy with the results!.
I went through a lot of pain as I started to face my past and everyday I am facing more and more as it comes up!. But each time I face one memory or feeling I get more better!.
I think the whole reason why we have this social phobia and feeling of low self worth is because we were made to feel this way by our parent!.
The feelings we felt then, have become stuck in us and we never faced it and released it!. I am discovering so many beliefs I have about myself which arnt really mine but what I was made to feel like and was told when I went through this mental abuse!. It's really amazing the things that come up, and most of the stuff I couldn't even remember before!.
I am starting to realise that it wasnt my fault, and it was wrong!. The pain is being released and my self esteem is slowely growing!.
The low self opinion I had been carrying around with me for so many years actually caused my social phobia, as i believed sub consiously that i wasnt good enough to be liked just being me!. So I was constantly anxious that somebody one day would find out that i was really that useless worthless individual i had been made to feel for so long!.
Im starting now not to care what other people think and that I am a pretty good person!. I am also alot stronger and no longer scared of rejection as I know that I can cope and that it doesnt mean that there is something wrong with me!.
So the answer is we need to face what happened!. Reanalyze it, see it in the new light and release it!. The releasing process may take some time, and like I said can be a bit painful, but it's the only way forward!.
Let me know how you get on, and send me an email if you want to chat about it!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
relaxWww@Answer-Health@Com
Been there!. It's not your fault, it's genetic, and the teens and 20s are the worst due to hormones!. Treat yourself to health, holisticly, become an expert then advise others!. Maybe you were born to own your own health food store !!?!? Study !!
If you can't hold a job, get a hobby that you LOVE and spend lots of time at it ! Or a Charity !! Or start your own health food business!. I'm in Natures Sunshine and Monavie, and others, because I know what's helped me!.
Here's my stock answer on depression and nutrition!. It's good advice for anyone who's trying to get healthy!. I did it!.
I think that your metabolism is off!. I'm guessing that you don't eat a lot of fresh vegetables, nuts, and fish and eggs!.
There is a safe, anti anxiety tonic drops, that you can get at
www!.naturessunshine!.com It's called " Distress Remedy" and it's tintcures of flowers!. That will help when you're having an attack!.
But to get the problem to STOP you need to get your minerals and omega oils balanced in your body, and that will help balance your hormones!.
Just like when someone gets drunk, they act funny , or mooshy, or slur their words etc!.!.!.!. because they have too much alcohol in their body!.!.!. If you're low on Omega 3s, Vitamin E, Vitamin D, Co-Q-10, and minerals especially Chromium and Vanadium and other trace minerals!.!.!.Your brain just won't work right!. You can have mood swings, or anxiety!.
A great source of nutrition for those who don't always eat right is Monavie Juice!. Super antioxidents, enzymes, and trace minerals!.
Or Noni Juice, that helps our body actually make serotonin the hormone that gives you the "runners high" and lifts your mood like exercise!.
Take 1000-2000 mg of Vitamin D a day, Take Flax Seed oil capsules for the Omega 3's, eat eggs for breakfast, get yourself a good all minerals suppliment with all the trace minerals, eat Cashew nuts (they remove fear and panic ) and study up on nutrition and emotions and mental health!.
It's your body, and doctors/ councelers won't heal you naturally!. You're better off with a naturalist than with doctors wanting to stick you full of medicines, and have you talk about your problems forever!.!.!. They just treat the symptoms!. You need to cure the inbalances!.
Plus exercise, get into health foods, and voluenteer somewhere to help animals, children or elderly, to help you develop real self esteem, and you can change your life 100%!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
If you can't hold a job, get a hobby that you LOVE and spend lots of time at it ! Or a Charity !! Or start your own health food business!. I'm in Natures Sunshine and Monavie, and others, because I know what's helped me!.
Here's my stock answer on depression and nutrition!. It's good advice for anyone who's trying to get healthy!. I did it!.
I think that your metabolism is off!. I'm guessing that you don't eat a lot of fresh vegetables, nuts, and fish and eggs!.
There is a safe, anti anxiety tonic drops, that you can get at
www!.naturessunshine!.com It's called " Distress Remedy" and it's tintcures of flowers!. That will help when you're having an attack!.
But to get the problem to STOP you need to get your minerals and omega oils balanced in your body, and that will help balance your hormones!.
Just like when someone gets drunk, they act funny , or mooshy, or slur their words etc!.!.!.!. because they have too much alcohol in their body!.!.!. If you're low on Omega 3s, Vitamin E, Vitamin D, Co-Q-10, and minerals especially Chromium and Vanadium and other trace minerals!.!.!.Your brain just won't work right!. You can have mood swings, or anxiety!.
A great source of nutrition for those who don't always eat right is Monavie Juice!. Super antioxidents, enzymes, and trace minerals!.
Or Noni Juice, that helps our body actually make serotonin the hormone that gives you the "runners high" and lifts your mood like exercise!.
Take 1000-2000 mg of Vitamin D a day, Take Flax Seed oil capsules for the Omega 3's, eat eggs for breakfast, get yourself a good all minerals suppliment with all the trace minerals, eat Cashew nuts (they remove fear and panic ) and study up on nutrition and emotions and mental health!.
It's your body, and doctors/ councelers won't heal you naturally!. You're better off with a naturalist than with doctors wanting to stick you full of medicines, and have you talk about your problems forever!.!.!. They just treat the symptoms!. You need to cure the inbalances!.
Plus exercise, get into health foods, and voluenteer somewhere to help animals, children or elderly, to help you develop real self esteem, and you can change your life 100%!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
If I'd read your letter when I was 17, I probably would have thought "She's been reading my mail!"
Horrible!. Racing thoughts!. Anger, frustration, and deep, deep despair!. Hated everything and every one!. So lonely!. Knew I was capable of a lot, but wasn't doing anything well!.
There is a strong likelihood that if a relative (like your father!?) is affected by Bipolar Affective Disorder, it will also have similar difficulties!.
I suffered for decades, until a "manic meltdown" sent me to the Psych Ward!. It took lots of patience and experimentation until we found a "cocktail" that worked for me!. (For me, Welbutrin for depression and Lamotrigene as a mood stabilizer!.)
Some people think that BAD means alternating between being happy and being sad!. It's not nearly as simple as that!. Being "manic" often involves being energetic and irrritable!.
A common aspect of BAD is what they call a "Mixed State", where there's the misery of being depressed, turbo-charged in an angry, frustrated way!.
There is no "cure" for Bipolar Affective Disorder, and it does not go away on its own!. Untreated, each episode becomes worse than the one before!.
There is NO medical evidence that "talking cures" or "home remedies" are effective for treating BAD!. (I remember reading a magazine article about a man who claimed that he'd "cured" his sister by giving her the same vitamin supplement he'd been using on his pigs!!)
I think that those attitudes are as horribly ignorant and cruel as trying to cure cancer with vitamin C!
Based on my own experience, I'd suggest that going to "therapists" may help you adjust your inner realities with the outside world, but it's not going to provide effective, long-term treatment!.
Please, make contact with a physician specializing in medical treatment of difficulties of the mind (a psychiatrist, not a psychologist!.) Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like a "mixed state" of Bipolar Affective Disorder to me!.
Even in the small town near me, there's a group of people with affective disorders who meet on a regular basis!. I think it would be a very, very good thing for you to connect with something like that!.
Please, contact me via e-mail, if you'd like to!. I think I can refer you to mutual-help websites, too!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Horrible!. Racing thoughts!. Anger, frustration, and deep, deep despair!. Hated everything and every one!. So lonely!. Knew I was capable of a lot, but wasn't doing anything well!.
There is a strong likelihood that if a relative (like your father!?) is affected by Bipolar Affective Disorder, it will also have similar difficulties!.
I suffered for decades, until a "manic meltdown" sent me to the Psych Ward!. It took lots of patience and experimentation until we found a "cocktail" that worked for me!. (For me, Welbutrin for depression and Lamotrigene as a mood stabilizer!.)
Some people think that BAD means alternating between being happy and being sad!. It's not nearly as simple as that!. Being "manic" often involves being energetic and irrritable!.
A common aspect of BAD is what they call a "Mixed State", where there's the misery of being depressed, turbo-charged in an angry, frustrated way!.
There is no "cure" for Bipolar Affective Disorder, and it does not go away on its own!. Untreated, each episode becomes worse than the one before!.
There is NO medical evidence that "talking cures" or "home remedies" are effective for treating BAD!. (I remember reading a magazine article about a man who claimed that he'd "cured" his sister by giving her the same vitamin supplement he'd been using on his pigs!!)
I think that those attitudes are as horribly ignorant and cruel as trying to cure cancer with vitamin C!
Based on my own experience, I'd suggest that going to "therapists" may help you adjust your inner realities with the outside world, but it's not going to provide effective, long-term treatment!.
Please, make contact with a physician specializing in medical treatment of difficulties of the mind (a psychiatrist, not a psychologist!.) Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like a "mixed state" of Bipolar Affective Disorder to me!.
Even in the small town near me, there's a group of people with affective disorders who meet on a regular basis!. I think it would be a very, very good thing for you to connect with something like that!.
Please, contact me via e-mail, if you'd like to!. I think I can refer you to mutual-help websites, too!.Www@Answer-Health@Com