Problems coping with her?!


Question: Problems coping with her!?
My sister is 44 and has three young children!. She lives with her husband who has special needs and is his carer!. He is not a nice person but we tolerate him for the sake of the children!.

My sister is getting worse as the years go by!. She used to have a good job and her own house!. Through the years she sold her house, spent all the profits and in the last few years she has been involved with a lot of people with mental health disorders including an affair with a girl 20 years her junior with a severe mental health problem and then a special needs guy who is 25 years younger than her!.

I hate what she puts our family through!. I have to stay close to her as I want to support her two children!. She is so self righteous and blames her problems on reaching a mid life!.

Sometimes I feel so ashamed she is my sister!. I hate the things she does and her inappropriate behaviour and it really brings me down!. The rest of the family are really upset but we support her with the children and have persuaded her to have counselling, she justifies everything by laughing and saying that everyone makes mistakes!. How can I cope with her behaviour!. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!. Www@Answer-Health@Com


Answers:
you need to assess what is more important to you,
1) being there for her!.!.!.!. regardless of the fact that she has a history of this behaviour and will most probably stay the same, continue to stress you and get you down
or
2) your own peace of mind!.

if you let her affect you this way for ever you will end up being no help to the kids anyways because she will change your outlook on life,
she will make you negative and spiteful!.
whereas if you chose to love her but distance yourself so that her actions do not directly affect your mood, behaviour and goals in life then you will be a heaps greater resource for her kids when they need a different perspective or focus which she cant provide!.

Separate yourself from everyone, love your family but live for you and let them live the life they create, dont let people make you a victim!.
you deserve to be happy, positive, full of energy and you will find people who care for you will always be there, theres no need to make yourself miserable!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

You are a good sister!.!.!.
Its difficult but I suggest you keep on doing what you are doing and try hard not to let yourself get upset or too involved in her personal disasters!. She is an adult and basically she is where she is because she chose to be there!.
Just keep being available for her kids, let the kids know they can come to you for help and advice a holiday!.!.!.whatever!.!.!.!.
You can advise your sister but she probably wont listen or act on your good advice!.
I wish you well!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com

i think its a great thing that she's agreed to go counselling!. with that then she should realise the impact she has on your and family life!. her actions are probably a reaction to the stress she's had to endure with loking after her ill husband, it can manifest itself in different ways!. keep on being there to support her, it will get better with counselling!.Www@Answer-Health@Com

keep on doing what you have been your sister is 44 now, she is set in her own ways now, you won't be able to change, all you have to do is try to make you life a little easier with dealing with her, just don't let her get you down , because you know how she is, if you do get upset ,just let it go, because it won't help you by holding that in you, if you have to say something to her what she did wrong , just say to her i don't appreciate what you are did, than let it go, just don't let her misery destroy your whole day Www@Answer-Health@Com





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