I wish I hadnt been born, how can I change?!
Question: I wish I hadnt been born, how can I change!?
my life isnt as bad as most people but i've hit 31 wishing i hadnt been born!. all my relationships havnt lasted beyond 3 years!. I am clingy, paranois, insecure and worry about what people think of me!. I have problems with money, always in debt, I hate the way I look, I always feel sad/nervous and my temper is dreadful!. My partner and I cannot have a family (sometimes I'm OK so able to try for a family) because his reversal failed and he wont pay for treatment or adopt etc so now I feel my purpose is not wanted on this earth!.
I was put here to marry, reproduce, live a meaning life and its not looking good so far!. I'm 31 and feel pretty pants!.
I cant make my life fullfilling as I dont have money so have to stay in all the time!. My partner is alot older than me and thriving in his career!.
I just feel!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. worthless!.
I have tried counsilling and find this useless and intimidating!. was on anti depressants but came off them to try for a family that is now obviously not going to happen!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I was put here to marry, reproduce, live a meaning life and its not looking good so far!. I'm 31 and feel pretty pants!.
I cant make my life fullfilling as I dont have money so have to stay in all the time!. My partner is alot older than me and thriving in his career!.
I just feel!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. worthless!.
I have tried counsilling and find this useless and intimidating!. was on anti depressants but came off them to try for a family that is now obviously not going to happen!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Your feelings are more common than you think!. Some people, when they grow together with a person, become dependent on the other person and start to lose their own voice, their confidence, their independence!. I'm only 20 and that has already begun to happen to me!. I can't imagine life without my boyfriend, either!. I can't picture changing things or leaving him even if I wanted to!.
But here's my bit of advice for you!. If you don't believe in God or a religion, maybe it's time to give that a chance!. I believe in it because if you follow the commandments, life is just easier, and makes more sense!. It's not just a set of stupid rules, it's tips that make things go better!. SO, the bible says it is better not to marry, but if you are tempted to go ahead and marry!. Basically, marriage and children does not have to be your only purpose!.
You can help other people!. You could be a nanny!. A foster parent!. Work for an adoption agency!. Things like that can help fill that place in your heart!. Helping other people is the best therapy out there, for anyone!. Also, you need to heal yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, before you consider marriage and families!. Life is about learning and growing, nothing is ever perfect, life doesn't always go according to plan!. Just do the best you can do with what you have!. I really hope things turn out well for you!Www@Answer-Health@Com
But here's my bit of advice for you!. If you don't believe in God or a religion, maybe it's time to give that a chance!. I believe in it because if you follow the commandments, life is just easier, and makes more sense!. It's not just a set of stupid rules, it's tips that make things go better!. SO, the bible says it is better not to marry, but if you are tempted to go ahead and marry!. Basically, marriage and children does not have to be your only purpose!.
You can help other people!. You could be a nanny!. A foster parent!. Work for an adoption agency!. Things like that can help fill that place in your heart!. Helping other people is the best therapy out there, for anyone!. Also, you need to heal yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, before you consider marriage and families!. Life is about learning and growing, nothing is ever perfect, life doesn't always go according to plan!. Just do the best you can do with what you have!. I really hope things turn out well for you!Www@Answer-Health@Com
aww!!! sorry to hear, 31 isnt that old just keep on staying positive, you are lucky that god has brought you to this earth, every1 has a purpose in life, you just need to figure out yours =], giving up is never the answer!. maibe you should go back to college and find a caree that gives good pay, and you would really enjoy it!. ITS NEVER 2 LATE!
good luck!!
~holly~Www@Answer-Health@Com
good luck!!
~holly~Www@Answer-Health@Com
You were put here to marry, reproduce and live the meaning of life!. Who said that any of us have to fit into that doctrine!? Life is what YOU make it so get out there and start living!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
rediscover your life!Www@Answer-Health@Com
You say that you feel counselling is useless and intimidating!. I dont know how long you were in counselling but the following holds true!. Perhaps your counsellor wasnt the right person for you, you didnt trust them or just didnt like them!. It happens all the time, and just as you would choose someone to be a friend or not, the same is true for a counsellor!. You have to able to feel comfortable with them!.
As for the intimidating part, that is normal!. The point of your counselling will be to look your problems directly in the eye and this can be quite scary!. It is common for a patient to at some stage, feel antagonistic towards their counsellor for having dug up something in their soul which they would rather have left alone and forgotten about!. It's a scary prospect but this is what counselling is for - to identify problem areas and to work on them!. By shutting down, the process of counselling is useless!.
As a woman, your sole purpose in life is not just to reproduce and live happily ever after!. You are not just a breeding machine!. There is so much more to life than having a child and being married!. You have to be able to be happy within yourself!. The best marriage will not save you from yourself, and neither will a baby!. Only once you are happy within will you be able to have a fullfilling marriage!.
If you have a baby the problems you have will not go away!. You should not rely on something from the outside to make yourself feel better!. Eg: "If I have a baby I will be a better person!." "If I have a husband I will feel better about myself!." "If I hold a good job it will make me feel better about myself!." Even if you had everything you'd wished for yourself, it would still not make your inner problems go away!. You would still have to face yourself every day!.
I do really recommend counselling but instead of clamming up, to really make an effort!. A baby and a marriage will not dissolve your problems!. In fact, they might just exacerbate how useless you are feeling because you will continually be comparing yourself to other wives and other mothers!.
Help yourself!. Take the time to pay attention to yourself!. This isnt going to go away by itself and a few sessions of counselling also wont solve your problem!. You will have to be dedicated and determined to grab the problems you have by the balls before any change will occur!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
As for the intimidating part, that is normal!. The point of your counselling will be to look your problems directly in the eye and this can be quite scary!. It is common for a patient to at some stage, feel antagonistic towards their counsellor for having dug up something in their soul which they would rather have left alone and forgotten about!. It's a scary prospect but this is what counselling is for - to identify problem areas and to work on them!. By shutting down, the process of counselling is useless!.
As a woman, your sole purpose in life is not just to reproduce and live happily ever after!. You are not just a breeding machine!. There is so much more to life than having a child and being married!. You have to be able to be happy within yourself!. The best marriage will not save you from yourself, and neither will a baby!. Only once you are happy within will you be able to have a fullfilling marriage!.
If you have a baby the problems you have will not go away!. You should not rely on something from the outside to make yourself feel better!. Eg: "If I have a baby I will be a better person!." "If I have a husband I will feel better about myself!." "If I hold a good job it will make me feel better about myself!." Even if you had everything you'd wished for yourself, it would still not make your inner problems go away!. You would still have to face yourself every day!.
I do really recommend counselling but instead of clamming up, to really make an effort!. A baby and a marriage will not dissolve your problems!. In fact, they might just exacerbate how useless you are feeling because you will continually be comparing yourself to other wives and other mothers!.
Help yourself!. Take the time to pay attention to yourself!. This isnt going to go away by itself and a few sessions of counselling also wont solve your problem!. You will have to be dedicated and determined to grab the problems you have by the balls before any change will occur!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You said it!.!.!.!.!.
"Your life isn't as bad as most people"!.
So there's a start!.
You were not put here to marry and reproduce - many people do not (including me)!. So don't let that get you down!.
Do something worthwhile for other people!.
I do voluntary driving for a care home, and it really makes me feel good about myself!.
I would try the councelling again!.
Maybe you had a personality clash with the person you tried before!.
Hope this helps, and good luck!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
"Your life isn't as bad as most people"!.
So there's a start!.
You were not put here to marry and reproduce - many people do not (including me)!. So don't let that get you down!.
Do something worthwhile for other people!.
I do voluntary driving for a care home, and it really makes me feel good about myself!.
I would try the councelling again!.
Maybe you had a personality clash with the person you tried before!.
Hope this helps, and good luck!.
Www@Answer-Health@Com
You sound like me 7 - 8 years ago!. I was married to a man who didn't seem to care about having a baby as much as me!. He couldn't see why I was soo hung up on it!. I left him 6!.5 years ago because this was such a strong feeling I couldn't see a way out of it!. I know it seems hard to imagine life without him but you will be amazed at how strong you can be and little by little things improve!. I was so scared about how I would ever talk to men about or what to do on a date, but trust it all comes back to you and the fact that you are older and wiser makes a big difference!.I have now met a man who is mad about wanting a family as I am only to be told that I physically can't without IVF, It all seems a bit unfair (I am now 40 and according to doctors am at last chance saloon!!) But my new man wants to give it a go!.
Please don't despair, if you REALLY can't live without your fella, then you have to start doing things for yourself to help you come to terms with things!. That includes givning yourself a bit of space, peace and quiet away from EVERYBODY!. So if you want to scream and shout and cry about the injustice of it all you can!!! Trust me trying to rise above it and keeping it all in doesn't do your self esteem any good what so ever!. So don't be afraid and make a few small steps for yourself and see what happens!. Maternal feelings are strong and in my experience don't go away, so can you live with that!?!? If not get out while you've got a chance to meet someone who will love you back and respect you in the same way that you do them!. Everybody deserves to be treated like that!. xWww@Answer-Health@Com
Please don't despair, if you REALLY can't live without your fella, then you have to start doing things for yourself to help you come to terms with things!. That includes givning yourself a bit of space, peace and quiet away from EVERYBODY!. So if you want to scream and shout and cry about the injustice of it all you can!!! Trust me trying to rise above it and keeping it all in doesn't do your self esteem any good what so ever!. So don't be afraid and make a few small steps for yourself and see what happens!. Maternal feelings are strong and in my experience don't go away, so can you live with that!?!? If not get out while you've got a chance to meet someone who will love you back and respect you in the same way that you do them!. Everybody deserves to be treated like that!. xWww@Answer-Health@Com
You have a lot of worries in your sweet head this morning!
What level of education do you have!? Have you thought about going back to school, either a trade school, or college, or if you did not finish high school, you could work towards your high school equivalency degree!.
Ask yourself what you would like to be doing everyday - what kind of job would you feel good at!?
You need to be doing some things to get your mind off of your thoughts about yourself and about what you are missing in life!.
Can you volunteer at a soup kitchen, food bank, homeless shelter, or thrift store!? You would meet some great people at these places, and it would give you a different perspective on your own situation!.
Maybe it would lead to meeting people who can point you in the right direction, about a career!.
Have you considered being a "Big Sister" !? There are a lot of little girls (and teens) who truly need a role model and a woman who they can look up to, and do activities with!. This could help both you and them!. They are easy to find in the phone book, on online, in your area!.
I hope some of these ideas will help you, it is too bad that your partner does not pay more attention to your needs and desires!.
Best of Luck to You!Www@Answer-Health@Com
What level of education do you have!? Have you thought about going back to school, either a trade school, or college, or if you did not finish high school, you could work towards your high school equivalency degree!.
Ask yourself what you would like to be doing everyday - what kind of job would you feel good at!?
You need to be doing some things to get your mind off of your thoughts about yourself and about what you are missing in life!.
Can you volunteer at a soup kitchen, food bank, homeless shelter, or thrift store!? You would meet some great people at these places, and it would give you a different perspective on your own situation!.
Maybe it would lead to meeting people who can point you in the right direction, about a career!.
Have you considered being a "Big Sister" !? There are a lot of little girls (and teens) who truly need a role model and a woman who they can look up to, and do activities with!. This could help both you and them!. They are easy to find in the phone book, on online, in your area!.
I hope some of these ideas will help you, it is too bad that your partner does not pay more attention to your needs and desires!.
Best of Luck to You!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Maybe you should try to get a job or volunteer!. Try to figure out what you like doing and see where that goes!. Feeling like you are a complete person regardless of your ability to have kids is crucial!. Why not volunteer at a local school or be a mentor!? Then you could spend time helping children develop without having children of your own!. Do you have extended family nearby!? If you have a sister or brother with kids I bet they'd give up a limb for you to babysit one night while they go out!. Or, if you don't want to focus on children if you can't have them, volunteer at the library or a museum!. Start a hobby!. Make crafts and sell them online or at crafts fairs!. You are so much more than a womb!. You are a worthwhile human being!. You need to get out there and show yourself that!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I'm gonna say something that is completely irrational and could cause you a lot of problems but here's my idea save some money, pack a bag, leave, travel and have fun! now i'm not saying just leave your partner but if you see no future with him or not living a full or happy life with him then isn't it better to let go and find someone new!. my advice take a few months off, have some fun, stop worrying about things then come back to a your life with a new positive attitude, maybe move house or something to start new and fresh!.
good luck, xWww@Answer-Health@Com
good luck, xWww@Answer-Health@Com
you can change by changing your priorities!. you want children !.!.!.he doesn't!. that leaves only one other choice and that is too find some one new!. you say that you cannot picture your life without him then you have only one other choice and that is to not have children!. you can survive any thing that you have to in this world!. that is not saying that you won't be sad for awhile but you can get over it and move forward with your life!. it just takes time!. you just have to decide what is more important to you!. having him in your life or having children!. what you need to do is to seek professional help!. you need to go to a psychologist or a therapist for real help with this problem!. you deserve to be happy and obviously this relationship is not making you happy!. you know the ansnwer you just don't want to face it and accept it at this time in your life!. Many Blessings!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I really wish that you would email me but short of that can I just offer this!. The drive to reproduce is strong but I wonder if your maternal instincts would be contented to adopt !? If you'd like to talk to me about depression, I'd be glad to correspond!. If not I will keep you in my prayers!. Edit added after reading your additions!. You seem to be introspective and honest about whether it is a baby or pregnancy that is more attractive!. That's good to question your motives!. I know that a lot of people seem to be more intrigued with the "wedding day" rather than being married thereafter!. I will say this - the most screwed up kids that I've ever encountered are the ones that have parents that "need the child to love them"!.Www@Answer-Health@Com