Have you ever felt so lonely/sad that it physically hurts you deep down on your !

I've been wanting to figure out how to ask this question and finally got into words!. Ah I feel good about it, it finally came out! lol!. Well, I'm going through a hard time now with marital neglect by my husband, (no kids), and difficulty in developing friendships (I try to approach some people in my church, we chit chat but it's hard to cultivate and make it bloom into a good lasting friendship!.!.!. I make steps to it, but people disconnect)!. Sometimes i feel that I'm socially unacceptable -- I'm 5'4" and presently struggling with losing weight, 200lbs!. I'm walking everyday for 1 hr and doing a cardio dvd program for 50 min, cutting back on food, etc!. It's still so hard to lose, but I keep trying!. I think maybe I'm too ugly, unattractive, I don't know what it is!. I go to walmart or barnes and noble and I look around and see families that are having a good time, I deep down feel jealous of them!. Well, I'm happy for them, but I wish it was me and my husband this way, you know!? He's always away (drives truck 3-4 weeks, home 2-3days), and when home he's absent emotionally!. I finally got a job in which I'm taking care of 2 alzheimer's patients, it's a rewarding job, mon-fri reg!. hours, but when saturday and sunday come (I'm thinking 'hey I'm going to rest and enjoy my weekend'), comes this terrible lonely feeling and anguish and panic!. I try to occupy my free time with reading, exercise, crafts, writing a blog, cleaning house, gardening, anything you can think of, but still, sometimes in the middle of an activity I just drop what I'm doing and I look at a point in the wall and stare it, thinking "OH it hurts so bad to be lonely!. I wish I had someone here to hold me tight, or say he/she really appreciates me"!. I don't have any family here, all live in my native country, and I can only afford calling them once a week!. I wake up during the night with a terrible feeling, like a punch in the guts or something!. It really does hurt!. I look for opportunities to make friends, as I recognize human beings NEED other people to survive, I can listen and talk reasonably good and maintain a nice upbuilding conversation (I love jokes and laughing, and life itself), but seems that people are too busy or they suddenly go with their groups and I'm not part of them!. I've had a situation in which I'm talking to someone in my church, and a third person comes and gets in between us and gives the biggest hug to the person I was talking to, then blatantly ignore me!. I wish people showed they care!. They don't have to say much!. Sometimes a hug is all I need!. Or a smile!. Little things really matter to me!. I don't need to spend the whole day with someone to feel good!. I appreciate being alone sometimes, as this is important too!. I don't call people all the time, sometimes I will ring them to see how they are doing, and want to invite them for a walk in the park or watch a movie, but they always seem to be so busy, although sometimes I think they're pawning me off!. So I guess I'm doomed for loneliness!.!.!. for life!. I'm still young, going on 33, and I dread getting older!. Eventually I will have more need for companionship and this thought kinda terrifies me!. Well, I try to live a day at a time!. I enjoy what I do when I do it, I do my best in what I'm doing at the moment, be it work, or crafts, or writing, whatever it might be!. I'm a committed person, dedicated, truthful and reliable!. I wish I had a true friend sometimes!. I don't have anyone!. I don't want my husband to be at home 24/7 hugging me, I understand the need for balance, but I think I miss the quality (not quantity) of relationships!. What is your opinion on this matter!? thanks a lot!Www@Answer-Health@Com

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