i like being sad and hurting myself..?!
Question: I like being sad and hurting myself..?
i am a junior in high school....
i like being sad... i know, it doesn't make sense but... when I'm so down and blue, i don't want to get away from it. i want to dwell in it and keep the sadness going by hurting myself. and listening to sad music
i guess its stress, but i was like this ever since i was in middles school
i think it's lack of confidence i have. i think i accepted myself that i am different than others. its true, nobody is the same. however, seeing people around me getting good grades, pretty faces, talents etc makes me sad...... I have no talent, looks, brains and even a good personality. i know, nobody is perfect but i feel like such a failure in life. my grades have been dropping a lot. I'm keep getting 50s and 60s in class... I used to feel miserable because of this but now, i don't give a ****. However, when i do get a good grade, i put myself down telling myself "This is all you got?? "
People have been ignoring me a lot recently... I do have some ideas of why they do that.
I talk to myself A LOT. literally to myself saying " What the **** is wrong with you? You're useless. you're ugly"
i try to worsen the feeling by reminding of the people in life who is better than me... I actually go to facebook and look at pictures of beautiful and smart people to make myself feel more like ****. Them bragging about their 90 average, SAT score, their cute face, their body... I feel jealousy. I try my best to motivate myself to do better but.... i want more sadness... I think this is why I am doing so bad in school.
i find this extremely ironic because i am usually the one who motivates others to do better. They see me as a very optimistic person because in school, i act like a mentally strong person.
and i keep trying to make myself feel even sadder like this. reminding myself that I'm a failure, disgusting, ugly and useless and i like it. i like feeling sad. i don't exactly know why I am like this but.... i am sure it has to do something with my painful past...
i hurt myself mentally and physically. I punch, slap, scratch myself a lot. yesterday, i slashed myself with a pin.... i was child abused.. maybe that's why. I think it's because i feel like I need to discipline myself. I'm not doing this for attention, trust me. i hate being the center of attention. I never show my skin. i'm afraid to...
i told my family about this.. they don't understand. my mom tells me its normal, don't worry about it. it's just part of growing up... but i don't think it is.... i don't know who to turn to... i feel stuck...
i asked them to take me to a counselor or a therapist... they think i'm doing this for attention...but.. do you know what my mom said? She said i shouldn't go because it's going to go to my record and people will think i'm crazy.....
I feel so miserable and yet i enjoy it. However, sometimes thinking about hurting someone physically excites me. i shake and i get out a big grin. I sometimes want to kill.
sorry.. i feel like i need to let it out... i don't know what i should do.... I'm sure this is not normal... what should i do..?
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
Well, besides the urge to kill others, it's not too uncommon. I'm not saying it isn't a problem, or you should accept it, I'm just saying that teenagers go through this stage at some point or another.
You enjoy the emotional high that being miserable gives you. You enjoy feeling sad, however odd it sounds. Cutting yourself, hating yourself, and listening to that form of music all serves to provide an emotional high that you may or may not be addicted to. This, coupled with low self-esteem provides ample breeding ground for negative thoughts. You have started to enjoy hating yourself.
As far as the solution, you should talk to a counselor, or chat to one online who can help you. Your parents should be supportive and help you get the help you need, but you can also try to talk to free counseling services online, if you can.
Your first step should be to stop enjoying the hate you feel for yourself. The sooner you stop getting an emotional high from being miserable, the better. Instead of feeling sad about your life, try (for starters) getting your shot of misery (I'm completely serious) from tragedies. Movies, novels, etc. Also, stop cutting yourself, it's unhealthy, mentally.
Once that is over with, you should start feeling better about yourself. Work hard to get good grades, and accept them. Make an effort to love yourself, and love those around you. Learn to accept yourself as a wonderful and beautiful person. Seriously, low self-esteem really distorts things. I have seen very good looking people believe that they were ugly. I've also seen a lot of conceited ugly people. I'm pretty sure you fall into the first category.
Here's a website I think could help you. http://www.gotosee.co.uk/healtharticles/…
AS LONG AS YOU ARE PRETTY!!!!
Does it turn you on It might be sexy for some
Hey.
Firstly, I can relate to how you're feeling. I often wonder whether I try to make myself sad on purpose, like you've described.
I think it could be a good idea to talk to someone. Mental health is important, and it's a shame that there's such a stigma attached to it, such that people perceive you to be 'crazy' if you ask for help. You're not crazy at all, and it's okay to get help if things aren't going so well, or are confusing. I think it's great that you're reaching out.
Does your school have a counsellor you could talk to? Otherwise, you could make an appointment with your local doctor who can refer you to see someone. You might be able to do this without your parents knowing.
Even if you might enjoy feeling that way, if you're thinking about hurting other people (and yourself), it's really important to tell someone.
I hope it all works out for you, good luck :)
Have recently talked to a counsellor and doctor about similar feelings/self harm.
Don't listen to that other jackass..I have experience with some of the things you mentioned,and I look for places to get things off my chest also, but have no one. Maybe we can email each other, help each other out? And don't worry, I won't be offended if you decline, most people would. If you do, then I can do nothing but wish you the best of luck through your troubles. :)