Why am i so insane and unhappy ?!
Question: Why am i so insane and unhappy ?
for as long as i can remember i have felt totally crazy. my mind is my worst enemy and i have really bad self esteem. im 18, and i have never had a boyfriend or anything like that. i am terrified that as soon as anyone tries to get close to me they will see my for what i am which is unattractive but i count this as fairly over the top low self esteem and self image/worth
the really insane things are just kinda inconsequential things such as for as long as i can remember i wished i lived in america. sometimes i find myself desperately hoping to get hit by a car or someone close to me to die so i have a reason to be so f-cked in the head.
i was diagnosed with depression in september of last year and tried prozac, sertraline, amitriptilyine and dosulepin. all of which made me either
a. an empty emotionless shell (which i quite miss now) but it stopped me completing any college work. or
b. suicidal and depressed to the max
i see pictures of beautiful happy people as die inside from jealousy as i sit curled into a ball of self pity wishing the world would kill me so i didn't have to do it myself.
i hate myself. everything about myself from my looks and my voice to how my mind works and how i think. the only thing stopping me from killing myself is the people that it would hurt, i couldn't put them through such a thing.
i just need to have a new brain put in a new body and that will be fine.
i dont know how to fix myself and thats freaking me out.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
You're depressed, not insane.
I struggle from self-hate problems, too.
Since pills haven't worked for you, maybe you should try to find yourself a therapist that won't automatically put you on pills. My friend has been having many problems with her pills, too.
And God's not just for straight people. :) God doesn't hate you, and neither should (the key word is should) Christians. It may be considered a sin to be gay, but everyone sins.
there are medications for this. see a specialist.
You should see a therapist, he could help you.
look for something more meaningful in life... i've been there. Maybe not to this extent, but I found my way with God. You don't necessarily have to do that, but look for something out there that you really believe in, and it may give you a sense of purpose and be what you're looking for. Pills won't help if you can't help yourself. If you really try and take a positive approach and want to change, you can and will:)
I hope you find your way!
Hugs:)