Is it weird that planning to kill myself makes me happy?!


Question: Is it weird that planning to kill myself makes me happy?
I'm not an EMO, I'm not crazy, I'm just in pain.........Actually it's very strange my life is good, I have a good job, I have so many accomplishments that at 25 I have done more than what most have done in their lifetime, and I am beautiful, and I have family support, YET, there are things in my head that make me feel pain. I can't take it anymore. It started with this guy betraying me, then I went into a strange depression, I changed, and I got over it, BUT, when I get these waves of pain, esp during my period, I feel so out of control, there is pain that I can't even describe, and I am SICK OF IT. I am no coward. I have always faced my problems, BUT, I don't see any point in suffering so much when I can simply stop it. I am not religious, but I doI fear what if afterwards there is something worse, BUT, I am SICK & TIRED OF BEING SICK & TIRED. I don't understand what's happening to me. I don't want to go on drugs either. They just make things worse. I need someone to talk to. I just dont' understand what's going on with me...........please help me.

Answers:

girl you need to get up and live life like it was our last, not make it your last because you feel like your unable to live it because of some stupid guy that is out there living his life laughing at you!!!!!!! im so amazed at how the succesful people end their lives over something so dumb and stupid. you need to read your own message up there because your almost contradicting your self!!!! Dont think im writting you just to write.. ive been there myself and im not religious either so no type of god helped me get up, it was my self, i just learned to love my self and appreciate life as it comes and as it goes.



If you feelings of pain and despair get worse during your period, then it could be hormonal. Excesses or deficiencies of some of the female hormones can cause mood swings far in excess of normal PMS.

I also don't think that it's weird that planning suicide makes you happy. When I was suicidal there was a certain satisfaction that came with a good plan; but I wouldn't have called it happiness per se. There was to much pain and sadness and guilt caught up in it for it to be happiness. I know that it sounds trite for a stranger to tell you that your life is worth living, so I won't. I will say that it's possible to come out the other side of the darkness that you're in.

Drugs are not for everyone, but they helped me. I wasn't given a choice in taking them, because my illness was severe and it was considered a 'life or death' situation. If you don't want meds, then try some therapy, even if it just gives you someone to unburden with.

And don't feel guilty that you feel this way yet have a 'good life'. Diabetes doesn't discriminate, nor does cancer. Mental illness is the same, it takes over people with good lives and with bad. I wish you luck, and also if you want to talk more you can e-mail me at leshara@hotmail.com.

Experience



you first off need to go to your regular doctor for a check up to make sure that there is nothing physically wrong with you. explain to the doctor what you did here. if he/she finds nothing physically wrong then ask what the next step is. if the pain is emotional/mental is could be that you need a different type of professional doctor. seek out a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment. people are so afraid of medications to help them but they are not that bad. they do not turn you into zombies or take away your will. they just help you with your problems. i know because i suffer from several forms of mental illness. i understand the pain that you are in. i have suffered from it many times in my life. starting when i was 15. i am now 55. i have tried to commit suicide 4 times in my life. but i now understand that is not the solution to my problems. on top of seeing my psychiatrist on a regular basis i also see my psychologist for talk therapy. in working with him on a regular basis we have found out where my "pain" is coming from and we are working on overcoming it. i am much improved but still have a long way ahead of me. i feel that between my psychiatrist and my psychologist that i can handle whatever i must face in my life and not attempt suicide ever again. i'm going to repeat once again SUICIDE is NOT the ANSWER!

personal experience.




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