I hate being a parent..i wish i 2 could run away sometimes...?!


Question: I hate being a parent..i wish i 2 could run away sometimes...?
this is going to sound harsh, but it's how i feel. i am a single mom and i am so trapped. i have an 8 year old that i was a single mom to for years before i met my husband and i am in second trimester with a baby, my husband has left us all for the single life. of course he says he will come back, but he told my son he loved him and hasn't even bothered to call or see him or anything for months. obviously he never really did love him or me for that matter. i think he is in love with the idea of being a "real" dad to the unborn baby.

of course he makes promises he will come back home, but he won't. he will always find something in me to blame as an excuse to stay away. he says *hint, hint* if he doesnt come home he will just come visit the baby and MAYBE include my 8 year old once in a while??? how mean of him to treat my 8 year old like 2nd rate trash.

i already know what will happen. he will leave me with the responsiblity of raising the kids alone while he gets a second chance in life to move on, have fun, be single, and find the real woman he wants to settle down with.

wow....how convenient for him. to bad i cant pop the baby out and give him both the kids to raise alone so i can have my own "do over" in life and maybe find a better man who truly loves me and start a brand new family and pay some child support and society will look at me like it's no big deal right? WRONG!!!

me and the kids will pay for his selfish desertion of us and quite honestly, i am not looking forward to a life of isolation like i have and i'm sure my son doesnt either.

i am completely miserable and i am so angry at the prospect of raising ANOTHER mans baby alone.

i hate myself, i hate him for leaving us, and i DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.

we are isolated, alone and miserable.

my dad said i should drop the baby off to my husband and move on with my life.

that got me to thinking maybe i should give my 8 year old to relatives, and give the baby to his dad and just move FAR FAR AWAY.

well, that answer is B.S. to.

i dont have the heart to do that. just imagine if someone went into your beautiful home and trashed the crap out of it, and you had to spend years sacrificing and cleaning it all up...then you still have to see the Ahole that trashed it every once in a while! its like a slap in the face!

i would rather just be completely abandoned than to see the Btard coming in and out of our lives as he wishes.

i just HATE THE SITUATION...I HATE BEING A SINGLE MOM....I HATE LIVING DAY AFTER DAY IN ISOLATION AND SECLUSION...I HATE BEING CUT OFF FROM MAINSTREAM SOCIETY, I HATE BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON.


i hurt...the pain is unbearable sometimes. at times i think the honorable thing to do would be to shoot myself while i'm still pregnant. i know my 8 year old would go to a relative. i know i would be sparing us all a life of hell.

see I NEEDED HIM TO HELP ME. i just dont think i can do this alone. adoption isnt even an option as he wont sign papers and i'm not going to have a late second trimester abortion..yuck.

or i can tell myself i can handle it and just be MISERABLE and the poor kids can be miserable to.

:( i just want out. i need his help and he is gone.


i am not stupid either, i know that single moms are looked at like used trash and sadly the kids aren't much more respected.

before some of you Aholes tell me i should have used birth control....I DID NOT PLAN ON THE MEN RUNNING OUT!!!!! their choices chose the DESTINY OF OUR LIVES. why am i and every other single mom blamed.

and to the men AHOLES....unless you have lived one day taking care of children WHEN YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND ABANDONED YOU AND SOCIETY REJECTS YOU......stfu!!!'

Answers:

Hi,

I know you've had some not so helpful replies and sympathy has been abit on the thin side but it's a hard situation for ppl to understand if they haven't been there themselves. My ex husband left me in 2007 leaving me with a 18 mth old, 3 1/2 yr old (both his) and a 13 yr old (mine from a previous relationship). We had just moved into our first house, which needed alot of work doing on it and when he left me he left me with all the mortgage, bills and loans to pay alone. After 6 mths he stopped seeing the kids and stopped child support. we now have abit of contact and he saw the boys at xmas and I get £5 a week child support as he's not working. He left me cos he didn't want the responsibility of being a husband and father or having a house and bills. So when I give my advice it's coming from a woman who knows how you're feeling and knows how desperately alone and overwhelmed you must be feeling.

First of all you need to take ownership of the situation you're in. Feeling resentful and angry at how he's behaved will eat away at you. If you look back at your relationship then in hindsight I bet you can see signs that these things might happen. So accept you made decisions - you chose to date him, you ignored the signs that he was immature, you've agreed to him going off n having his time being single with an open door policy to coming back. While you would never have chosen to have the things happen as they have, you did make the choices that led to where you are now. Once you accept these things, then and only then, will you realise that you are still in charge and can still make decisions and choices in your life and lead it into the future you want. Don't let him messing up his life lead to you making bad choices and messing up your own life. He is the idiot who will miss out on so much - and believe me in a few years time he will regret these choices. he may never admit that to you, but it will happen to him one day.

The one thing I held onto in my situation is that I've been the lucky one. I got to keep the kids and turn the house into a home. I pay all my bills even if it means there's very little money left at the end of it. My kids love me so completely and give me the highlights to my day. You're bound to feel nervous - you've not had to deal with a baby for 8 years and yet you've had the experience to know how hard it is to have a baby. Being a single parent is bloody hard - but you know what hunny, being a married mum is just as hard, if not harder. At least when single you know it's all down to you and there's nobody to let you down or feel fed up that they're not as involved as they could be. Being on your own means you know it's all down to you so you just get on with it with no resentment. You'll know that all the wonderful things you see your kids achieving is down to you and the loving supportive home you raise them in. You're going to be a parent again but this time remember you're an older mum who's had experience. I definitely enjoyed being a parent more with my 2nd and 3rd child because I'm so much wiser and self assured. And you will have an 8 yr old child to help you. they can be involved and help out more than you've realised.

To me you sound isolated. Find out what support groups you are near you - are there single parent groups, mums and babies meetings - help with feeding or something, coffee mornings. I know in the uk we have alot on offer and can ask healthcare professionals for details on these groups. Maybe you could do some kind of college course to meet other ppl your age with similar interests. The more you have in your life that's not just about the kids, the better for your welfare. Exercise is great for keeping ppl feeling positive and happy so think about that after you've had the baby too.

If I were you i wouldn't look at giving up the kids. try and find a way of getting away for a week. see if you can visit a friend or something. just you on your own without the pressures of being a mum and the everyday hassles of life. ignore the ex and recharge your batteries. Your kids needs you but you also need your kids too. When this baby arrives you will have doubts but that's what makes you a great mum - the fact that you care. Don't look down on your situation. being a single parent is all too common now and isn't seen as the shameful thing that it once was. You're out there everyday proving you're a strong woman who not only holds their own life together but those of 2 children. You are the centre of their worlds and they love you no matter what. Your ex is weak, selfish and undeserving of you and the kids. Be strong in that knowledge and know you will make it through this.

I'll leave you with a quote I have written on a wall in my home:
"Do not dwell in the PAST,
do not dream of the FUTURE,
concentrate the mind on the PRESENT moment."

sorry i've rambled on so much, thinking of you tho and hope it all goes well.

much love xx



Im sorry but you are very selfish and you have already lived you life, time for BOTH your kids to live theirs. I think you need some ... help.



i'm 13 yrs old. i live in a shitty apartment with my mom and my sister. i am not looked down upon. i don't hate my father for leaving us and cheating on my mom and giving me a half bro and a step bro i never get to see i don't even know the name of their mother; i have just lost all respect for him. i stopped hating him when i realized that it hurts me more than him. he was never around when i was little i barely know him. your husband is not coming back, and even if he did he doesn't deserve you. divorce him properly and get child support. you can live without him. you have no right to take your life. your son depends on you. he needs some stability in his life, and by killing yourself you aren't helping him. you also have no rite to take the life of your unborn child. forget your husband he is your past. you make your future. live the rest of your life the best way you know how cause your only gonna live once.



You need to calm down for yourself and both your kids ok ? Yes it's terrible what he is doing, but that doesn't mean your life is over. I've known many single moms pick up and start over, and wind up better then ever, so don't talk yourself into it being over. Your upset now and it's totally understandable, but this time will pass. You need supportive people now, in your delicate condition, it's too much for you to clearly see a way through, this doesn't have to mean your life is over. Forget about him, focus on you and children, don't let him do any more damage then has been done.



What your going through is hard to deal with. I know its so hard and its going to take a strong woman to get through it. Thats what single moms are. Single moms do it all. You are wrong about them being looked down upon as trash, thats your opinion of them. Anyone who thinks a woman is trash who works vry hard every day and takes care of her child by herself is a narrow minded heartless person whos opinion does not matter. No ones opinion of your life is important. Its important what you think about it because your opinion is the one you cant ever escape from. Accept the fact that you will be a single mom, thats all you can do. You cant deny whats reality. Then when your new baby is a little older you should start dating again and find a good guy who will treat you right. This guy you were with sounds like a real immature jerk and hes a fool. Remember not to blame your self, its not your fault he is acting this way. I think you sould just not care for him at all. If he wants to see the kids then fine and if he doesnt then thats fine too because youll be there for them. As long as you are there for your son and stay strong for him he will be just fine. Good luck to you and take care of those babies their counting on you



Maybe you could try something completely different, such as meeting people who have better values than some of the people you have met in the past. If you could meet some other mothers in the same age group, you'd have things in common, plus you can help each other out.

I do not know what your religious beliefs are, but churches are a great place to reach out, get support, perhaps find some grandmother types who would enjoy watching your kids while you got some time for yourself. Your kids would be brought up with lessons such as, "When I'm married, I won't leave my husband/wife and my children." Plus, most churches have childcare while adults can get in some social time w/ other adults.

Church is not a place for perfect people who have never made a mistake. And some like to say that the church is full of hypocrites. People can say what they like, but I received a kidney and a pancreas transplant because of the choice of a Christian mom, and my associate pastor drove me 3 hours at 4 in the morning to get the transplants. Those are the kind of people who would support you.

I have seen my church do some amazing things with people in very difficult situations.

It sounds like you might need some serious couseling too.

I sincerely believe that there is help out there for you. I just think you need to search in entirely different places than wherever you have made friends before.



maybe you should have thought of this before you had a kid. you have a responsability to your children and you had damn well better stop wallowing in self pity and grow up.



Where are you girl? You gotta tell somebody you trust all these feelings you are having. Look, people can bash all they want, everyone has bad thoughts sometimes but they won't put them here because we all know what happens when you put some real **** here. You need a good friend or a family member to step in and be apart of your life, especially now. Reach out for help, you don't have to do this alone. I have relatives now who can't have kids, if i were in the same shoes, forget adoption papers if there are relatives on either side you trust, I'd take my kids to them for support.

Yeah, guess your right, society frowns on certain family situations, forcing people to do the right thing, next thing you know kids are on the Nancy Grace breaking news cause the parent snapped. not saying that's what you will do, but it happens a lot in the us.
i've seen it countless times happening to military wives who have to deal with back to back deployments, having babies and raising them on their own, too far from family to get help. these women are very isolated and become ticking time bombs. thats why the military has so many programs for these types of situations, but who really uses them?

people have a hard time dealing with problems and telling others about them. they WANT the strength to do it themselves, make everything ok, but it's just too much pressure. please tell someone, you love your kids, what woman would volunteer to raise kids on her own, no one. everyone wants help, have the father do his part. so these single mothers out here find ways to make it. if you don't get help, don't do nothing to tell anyone, feel like trying to make it on your own? then get a Full time job, find an awesome grandma, stay at home mom, any trustworthy individual, pay them day care and get out of the house. work is your safe haven to keeping your sanity. it will get better, the kids will get older, as you will grow older and find your patience has gotten 10 times better, no one stays the same. ever, we all evolve and become better as we age...at least most of us do.
you really need a good mentor, a person to look up to, everyone needs that. find a good friend, doesn't have to be a guy, or young. just don't be alone. you can still do things in life. there's always a better alternative and you will thank yourself later on in life. listen...this is the worse place ever to put true feelings down. find someone who understands what you are going through or is willing to listen and support you. this is vital. chin up Mama. you love your babies and wouldn't give them up for the world, you are pregnant and if people were paying attention they would know that it intensifies emotion. i'm not gonna lie, i've had selfish thoughts before, if people say they've NEVER felt bad before they are full of it...and their opinions don't count. being truthful MAKES you human.

Gypsy is awesome...women are so strong, look at what they can do. Let your children be your strength...so sweet.



I am sorry you feel this bad and hopeless. Please do not blame on kids they did not chose to ruin your life. They do not deserve this I know he ran out on you but they are your children also. I was a single mom when young I worked 2 jobs and met my 2nd husband my son was 8 we then had a son together and things are real tuff I know but you have to begin somewhere get help your not working you need to find job and most states care for child care. He would also be forced to pay child support all you have to do is tell them where he works. There is a better way to work it out but you do need help. If you killed yourself and baby that is not fair to baby. Your 8 year old with out doubt is very confused and scared. I am sure he would like to go to a after school program. Do you have any people to turn to as for your dad telling him drop baby off again it is not the baby's fault. It is life and we make mistakes and you get tuff and you do what you have to get job, help, and make sure never have any more children. I hope someday you look back on this and just know you were going through a very bad time. If you could even raise your son you could tell hospital you wanted to adopt baby out and he would have to sign papers also. Try and talk to someone there is help but please remember the kids are yours too and do best you can. I do not think you are bad just very overwhelmed.



You can put your newborn up for adoption. When s/he is born, give him/her to the police. No questions asked. At least, I think that's the policy in the USA.
You might want to double check on the 'net.



why not pretend that your husband is dead then accept that your a mom and must raise you child to grow up to be a responsible adult, that's what parenting is all about, it's not about mistakes or have or have not, your responsible to your children and no one else



The men who walked out didn't choose your destiny. You are doing that. You are very depressed and should seek help. If I knew who and where you are I would call CPS. You say you'er not selfish, but committing suicide while pregnant is VERY selfish. If you are going to kill yourself (which is the easy way out) you should wait until the baby is born. I think you better get a handle on yourself and work hard to make your life better. Get an education. People who are low income can get free childcare and practically free college with all the grants that are available. Stop blaming other people for the way your life has turned out. At some point you need to own your situation and do something to make it better instead of complaining.

You can send me a message and I'll come pick your son up. I don't trust that you won't hurt him since you are so depressed. I'll give him a home where he can be loved...the baby too.



i'm so sorry to hear about your situation. it is a bad place to be. i would like to suggest that you see a psychologist for talk therapy to help you get yourself straightened out and learn some coping skills that you are going to need. hopefully you have some family that will be able to offer you some help and time away from your children for short time periods so that you can get some rest that you definitely need after your baby is born. two children ,one being a newborn can be awfully rough to deal with without help. there are organizations out there that should be able to help you. your church if you go should be one of them. the other is division of family services ( the name does vary from area to area so check your phone book listings). you may qualify for food and help with utility bills. also they might know of other places that can help you out. it never hurts to try. so please check with them. i realize this doesn't change a lot of what you are going through but maybe it helps a little bit. my prayers go out to you and your 8 year old son and your baby that you are pregnant with. you have every right to be angry and upset at your situation.




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